MR. GRUMPY BONES AND I, WITH A PORCUPINE IN THE BALLOON FACTORY!

Use this forum to post short stories that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links.
Post Reply
User avatar
Itra_4
Posts: 2
Joined: 20 May 2018, 07:50
Bookshelf Size: 0

MR. GRUMPY BONES AND I, WITH A PORCUPINE IN THE BALLOON FACTORY!

Post by Itra_4 »

In a crowded, upbeat and happening Resto Bar, strategically placed in a posh locality, expect a fair number of desperate couples! In different shapes and sizes! Sometimes, in odd numbers too! Some affix together like a sheet of buns, putting all the fevistick adverts to shame! Some entwine their little pinkies under the table, scratching a place that doesn't itch anymore. A few others tormented by the presence of uninvited friends, play footsie, their tiny toes, nuzzling, toying, squeezing and conjugating, oblivious to the pretentious smiles of jealous friends and the general hustle and bustle!

So here I was, with a PDA-averse, decidedly discomfited, noticebly awkward, actually unself-conscious but publicly well-mannered, so-called boyfriend - meet Mr. Grumpy Bones! Happy with his glass of Scotch, stretching away to glory, on the reclining sofa. He was quite interestedly staring at the corner most part of the room. My eyes travelled the distance of his gaze, to find that the gaze was quite interestedly returned by a pretty face, seated exactly in the same stooped posture, like a mirror image of Mr. Grumpy Bones! Her partner, his back facing us, was nodding away animatedly, possibly acknowledging his lady love's drunken summons! She raised her glass to full view, ceremoniously, with a hint of a sentimental wink at Mr. Grumpy Bones. The mystery man held her arms and pulled her closer, disturbing the cocktail in her glass.

As I watched tolerantly, this generous display of mutual endearment, Mr. Grumpy inched closer towards the table with fixated eyes, studying the girl. I squeezed a lemon till my nails dug into the hard peel and pushed the lime wedge into the Corona and raised the Beer bottle high! High enough to catch his peripheral vision! He was oblivious to me observing him with unmitigated uneasiness! "To many such silent Lunches!" I raised a toast and gulped down the malty beer like swallowed sobs. Two minutes post the forced Bottoms up, my wooziness and the evident disequilibrium, caught his attention. "You're at it again! Grizzly Bear, you!" He chided, patting my head! "Like you noticed!..." I mumbled and swallowed it the next second.

The Cacophony in the now mobbed restaurant subdued the singing of the novice band. But the harmony in the opposite table continued to be a grand spectacle! Pretty face seemed to be on her sixth Tequila shot and visibly disoriented, running her dainty fingers through a wave of glossy hair, gazing suggestively at Mr. Grumpy. Mystery man, interlocked his fingers into hers, stroking and feeling thier softness. Mr. Grumpy Bones here, shifted uneasily and stroked the tip of his nose. He took a sip of his drink, continuing to ogle at her! Pretty face had a pout in response! That Woman! The booty to my face! The cloudy lining on my silvery disposition, the stain on my underpants! The The The on my The The The........!!!!

"ARTU!!!" I realized I'd blabbered it all....

"What's happening, Baccha?" the question written all over his big beady eyes!

"I am going to throw up!" I ran to the restroom for a breather! Frankly I'd had enough!
All these ludicrous theories , we have read about Men being biologically programmed to want endless variety in women came flashing by! Well then there is this other rationally solid theory for women to do away with their primal fears of losing him and just letting him be...! Letting him be?? Holy Jesus....! I kicked open the restroom door and there he was! My knight in shining armour! A little rusty, creaky, moth-eaten armour....?

"ARTU!!" He shook me like a rag doll!

"I am FINE!!" I said catching a glimpse of the Mystery Man!

Oh! I am all for inner beauty!! I catch it, hold it and embrace it! I am a sucker for all the beautiful qualities that give pleasure to the mind and the senses! But the very glimpse of Mystery Man brought in a sudden hit of displeasure, that even my state of inebriation could not conquer! If she was nature's beautiful pick, he looked beaten up with the ugly stick! Possibly the wrong end of the ugly stick! She was shakespeare's version of Juliet meant for a Romeo! But he had a face, only fit for the Radio! Well... you know what I mean!

He caught my prying gaze and I shrugged sheepsihly at Mr. Grumpy, who, by now was glaring at me! We walked back to our table and Mystery Man by then, had shifted next to Pretty Face with an arm around her but a steady intent look in my direction! Mr. Grumpy bones sat up straight refusing to leave my hand! Ouch! Guess that hurt! He called in for the cheque, hurriedly dragging me out to his Car.

"We are never Binging here again!" He said starting the Car.

"Why??!!" I asked in astonishment!

"Weird Crowd!" Said he, curtly!

"But I thought you found the crowd "Captivating"" I taunted!

"Right! I was beating myself up all through Lunch! Couldn't take my eyes off that GIRL!"
That was the braking point! I was fuming like a monster ready to attack the enemy. Disgusting! And he tells me that he was checking out a random woman in a random bar, who was randomly getting cozy with that Eye-Broccoli!?

"I just knew it! The minute I saw her! I just wanted to be sure!" He continued!

Really!? You'd do that to me?! My heart just cracked!

"I checked her shoulders first and then her arms! Then I watched her neck! Man! Then I went a little lower, They were oversized! Did you notice?"

"Just stop it! NOW!" I screeched!

"Oh!..." he said in a muffled voice..."OH! you thought I was checking her out!! All this while?!!" He raised his left brow!

And I raised my right brow and stared him down, ready to pounce on him like a ton of bricks!

He whistled and parked his car near a local Bistro!

“Artu....I wasn’t checking her out! Not HER for heaven’s sake!”

“Really?! Why wouldn’t you? She is so pretty! Oh-so-alluring! and you just admitted it...you watched her shoulders,arms, neck and......!!!”

“You just don’t get it! Do you?” He smiled mysteriously!

That did it! Worst Mistake Mr. Grumpy made that torturous day! Banging the Car door behind me, I walked away, self-pity rolling down my cheeks, How could he be so insensitive, feelingless, cold-hearted, stony....My Message ringtone rang out loud!

Message from Grump read “She is a LADY BOY!”

“Explain Yourself!” I demanded

“Her Shoulders - Broad. Her Arms - with thick veins!. Her Neck - Adam’s apple!, Her Assets - Oversized Silicone Job! And the icing on the cake, her Social Behavior - Slutty!”

“So you were not CHECKING her out!” I said gleefully!

“But the Douchebag with her, was checking you out!”

I planted a kiss on his chubby cheeks.

As we enetered the local bistro for a Coffee, a tall, slender waitress placed the Menu card on our table!

“Two cafe lattes” Said Mr. Grumpy, and watched her as she walked back to her station for a full 10 seconds!

“She...a Lady Boy too?” I Chuckled!
Post Reply

Return to “Creative Original Works: Short Stories”