BEHIND MY SUCCESS STORY (a book written to inspire the younger generation)

Use this forum to post short stories that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links.
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Aisha I
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Joined: 02 Apr 2018, 14:59
Currently Reading: Dead Lock
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BEHIND MY SUCCESS STORY (a book written to inspire the younger generation)

Post by Aisha I »

The morning was so bright and friendly with the comfort of my blanket, the chirping of birds at the garden woke me up from sleep. With my eyes so full of sparkles of joy and relaxation, I quickly glanced at the bedside clock, it was 6:30am and I quickly jumped out of bed, stood at the writing table by the window with a glass full of water, sipping and admiring the beauty of the bright sky above and thinking of all the happiness and goodies the day may give birth to.
Remembering the fact that I have to wake my parents, I dashed out and headed for the kitchen, poured out two glasses of fresh milk and walked straight into their bedroom, went up to my father and placed a kiss on his forehead
"Hello, good morning dad"
"Hmmmmm! Darling, good morning," he replied sleepily and I placed forward his own glass of milk into his hand, he kissed my chins joyfully. I took a turn towards mother,
"Hello mum, wake up, good morning,"
"Good morning sweetheart," she said as she kissed and hugged me heartily. Placing the glass of milk in her hands, they looked at each other, kissed and laughed happily, "Thank you very much dear daughter," they chorused as they sipped their milk fantastically.
After glancing at the clock, mother rushed to the kitchen to prepare some breakfast and I went up to Aqil's room. He was still sleeping so I stood by the entrance and watched him closely; a tall slim, fair and handsome young man with a pointed nose. He is now eighteen as we celebrated his birthday last week.
"How lucky am I to have such a handsome brother who is worth dying for!" I said to myself.
Mistakenly, I stepped on a pair of shoes lying right in front of me as I tried to move forward. This movement awakened him and I quickly reached out for him
"Hello handsome!"
"Oh Gorgeous! Why did you wake me up now? You cut me off my dreams."
"Ah! So sorry, but it's time to go out of bed Aqil. Come on, time to get out of your blanket."
"Awch...!" he exclaimed as he jumped up, taking the glass of milk from me he made for the window and sipped worriedly. "Thanks little sis, you've made my day," he added.
"What's the matter with you Aqil, you look so worried?"
"Ah! It's nothing, just a nightmare and now waking up light headed, my head aches. But never mind, I can handle it. Dad always say nightmares are fake and untrue, I'll just take some peels for my head you know."
"If you say so, but I hate seeing you this way, make sure you get better soon bro."
"Mmmmmm! Silly sis, you know I will," he said as he tossed his shirt towards me. Laughing excitedly, I left the room and joined mother in the kitchen.
"hmmm...!!! This food smells so good mum, you're the best cook I've ever seen"
"Oh sweetheart, you flatter me, thanks," she said amidst smiles.
"So what can I do to help mum?"
"Chop the onions and blend the spices, my good child."
After cooking, we set the table and went in to take our baths.
At breakfast, we were eating joyfully, teasing and cracking jokes, all because of the food's delicacy. As father will be leaving for Dubai today and his flight is by 9:30am, he ate hurriedly in order not to miss his flight. We all made our choice of gifts and goodies he will bring back for us.
"Dad, please don't leave," Aqil said unhappily.
"But why Aqil? After all, this isn't my first trip away from home and I have to meet up with certain requirements for the new contract before the end of the week."
"I'm not just comfortable about you leaving, not after that scary nightmare..."
"Hahahahahah! See who's already terrified by just a nightmare," we all teased.
"Please don't leave dad," he sobbed, ignoring our comments.
"Aqil I can't afford to lose any of my clients, so i've to go."
"But dad...."
"Now why not tell us about this nightmare, Aqil?" Mother chipped in.
"Dad I just can't get myself around what happened, but I can remember seeing you somewhere and it's so terrifying..."
"Oho! Just don't worry Aqil, daddy will be back with you soon. Just cheer up, OK?" He consoled, drawing him closer and rubbing him lightly on the head, "hope you prayed over it during Subh" he asked further.
"Yes father, i did," said Aqil, looking more relieved. Father bade us farewell and left for the airport.
Father was a business man, owner of the famous Al-Hikma construction company and he always go on trips like this occasionally so it is not new to us anymore.
It was on a Saturday morning and everyone was at home. Since father is absent, this means no picnics so we retired inside to continue with our various chores.
Two hours later, there was a knock on the door. Aqil and I were watching a movie, mother was relaxing and reading a newspaper on the sofa.
"Let me get it" I said as I went for the door. It was Haritha, my classmate and best friend.
"Come in Haritha, welcome. You came at the right time," I said excitedly, after giving her a hug and a kiss on the cheeks.
"Wow! Thanks, so what's up then?"
"Soap opera movie on the go!” I said as we went in.
She exchanged pleasantries with both Aqil and mother before joining us at the movie.
There was another knock on the door and this time mother went for it.....,.......

What can you say about this book?
Do you look at it as a play or prose?
My choices of words, plotting and setting....what can you possibly say about that as well?
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JohnEnawia
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Joined: 07 Apr 2018, 00:23
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Post by JohnEnawia »

Hi, to me i looked at this story as my choices of words..
Aisha I
Posts: 38
Joined: 02 Apr 2018, 14:59
Currently Reading: Dead Lock
Bookshelf Size: 34
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-aisha-i.html
Latest Review: Diary of a Snoopy Cat by R.F. Kristi
Reading Device: B00I15SB16

Post by Aisha I »

Hello John Enawia, thank you.
Aisha I
Posts: 38
Joined: 02 Apr 2018, 14:59
Currently Reading: Dead Lock
Bookshelf Size: 34
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-aisha-i.html
Latest Review: Diary of a Snoopy Cat by R.F. Kristi
Reading Device: B00I15SB16

Post by Aisha I »

JohnEnawia wrote: 07 Apr 2018, 00:43 Hi, to me i looked at this story as my choices of words..
Thank you for your review
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