Black Coffee

Use this forum to post short stories that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links.
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Babysnooop
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Black Coffee

Post by Babysnooop » 03 Apr 2018, 11:13

A young girl was babysitting for her neighbor. The baby was upstairs in its crib, and she was on the sofa downstairs watching TV. It was all quiet and normal until the ring of the home telephone broke the silence.
As she hesitantly picked it up and put her ear to the phone, she heard a man’s cold, deep voice. Black coffee, black coffee, check your baby, check your baby. The girl put down the phone passing it as a prank call in attempt to scare her. However, just to be sure, she went upstairs to the baby’s room to see if he was okay. The baby was fine so she went back downstairs and watched TV.
After about 40 minutes, the phone rang again. She picked it up as she had done before and a man once again spoke to her through the phone. Black coffee, black coffee, check your baby, check your baby. The girl went over to the front of the window, pulled the curtains and scanned the streets. No one was there.
Beginning to get frightened, the girl went up the stairs to check on the baby. Again, it was fine.
After about half an hour the phone rang once again, the girl picked it up and waited for the man to speak. Black coffee, black coffee, check your baby, check your baby, I’m at your door.
The girl ran to the door and picked up a cane. The girl looked through the keyhole of the door but no one was there. The girl ran up the stairs and the baby was gone. She heard a creak in the closet and stabbed through the closet with the cane. As the girl opened the closet, her body froze. The baby was hanging from one of the hangers bleeding black coffee.
The girl stormed down the stairs in shock praying that it was all a dream. “Wake up, wake up!” the girl shouted. Black coffee, black coffee, black coffee.
“Get out of my head” the girl screams but the voice only got louder. Black coffee, black coffee black coffee, I’m behind you. The girls screams before running up the stairs to the baby’s room.
The girl heard a baby crying, and a smile made her way to her lips.

It was all in her head.

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CambaReviewer
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Post by CambaReviewer » 04 Apr 2018, 12:13

Hmm! You got me there! Thank God it was all in her head! Nice one!

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rohan123
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Post by rohan123 » 04 Apr 2018, 12:29

HI,

It was a nice short story. I was thinking that it is going to be a thriller and going to have some logic at the end that how this happened with the baby. but still, it was the nice story.

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jennawash
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Post by jennawash » 29 Apr 2018, 19:01

Wow! What a creepy, dark story!! Your imagery really hooked me right from the start! Great job!

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DATo
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Post by DATo » 30 Apr 2018, 00:47

That was a nicely written, but scary story. You did a good job. Thank you for sharing it with us! [:- )
“I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.”
― Steven Wright

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Beth470
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Post by Beth470 » 30 Apr 2018, 05:30

It was beginning to get scary, I am glad it was just your imagination. I started to wonder how the baby got in the closet.

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JayJoseph
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Post by JayJoseph » 05 May 2018, 14:02

Now that's one spooky story. My heart had already started pounding. Great job, super entertaining. Thanks for sharing.

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lqwalkes
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Post by lqwalkes » 09 May 2018, 17:57

Wanted it to be longer.

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Rachele4769
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Post by Rachele4769 » 12 May 2018, 03:07

Incredibly frightening story! :o It is written well. I found myself feeling terrified at what I would read next! So, if terror was the objective, it is a success in my book.

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kmkline120
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Post by kmkline120 » 31 May 2018, 14:57

Whoa, this one scared me! Really creepy, but also really good. I'm glad it was in her head :)

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Bianka Walter
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Post by Bianka Walter » 03 Jun 2018, 06:34

This was super creepy! Well done, this is a great short story :)
You can find magic wherever you look. Sit back and relax, all you need is a book.
- Dr. Seuss

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Elize27
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Post by Elize27 » 04 Jun 2018, 20:24

Really nice ... thumbs up 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻

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SereneCharles
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Post by SereneCharles » 10 Jun 2018, 02:58

This is very beautifully written, though very scary as well. But I'm glad it was all in her head. Good write-up.
Writing is so much fun. So is reading. :techie-studyingbrown:

Ayyatullah
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Post by Ayyatullah » 15 Jun 2018, 14:57

It really nice

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LASERRR__371
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Post by LASERRR__371 » 31 Aug 2018, 11:58

Nice story, though I half expected the end.

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