True Love

Use this forum to post short stories that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links.
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Pollet Masekoameng
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Post by Pollet Masekoameng »

One day a boy and a girl decided to go cinema to watch movies.They both did not tell their parents were they are going,their parents were very angry at them and their parents did not like each other's families.But them continued seeing each other everyday .On their way home ,some guys forced them to give them their things and a girl did not do what those guys want unfortunately the boy got a chance to run away because he was running very fast like a rat.And when he get home,he found her girlfriend's parents standing at gate waiting for their child to come home.They stopped him and asked that,"Where is our child?,then he replied,"I left her with some guys !".Then the boy ran away from home because her girlfriend did not come back in few days when he was home.And he was trying to find her but he failed then he decided to go and left a note to his parents on how he loved her girlfriend.Then few weeks back his girlfriend was found by his boyfriend's family when they were on their way to dumping site but unfortunately she was raped,killed,beaten and left like that.They decided to keep it a secret not to tell anyone about it then they continued on their journey.But the boy did not return home.
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Ama Trinity
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Post by Ama Trinity »

Not understanding
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HK2
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Post by HK2 »

It's a bit too brief but could be an amazing story if redrafted
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Lucian Hodoboc
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Post by Lucian Hodoboc »

The grammar is rather poor and the "story" seems to be more of a synopsis than an actual story. You need to work on it and develop it into an actual literary work.
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sjaeck
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Post by sjaeck »

The spelling, grammar and writing in general are very poor.
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jamshaid97
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Post by jamshaid97 »

The story has a moral and a worth of the idea behind it, as both of the families did not like each other and even the parents were not willing to accept the connections of both of the child. It knock up in our mind that something bad would happen because the well wishes of their parents were not with their child. so it is a great story to learn something about the respect and obeying of parents. When some rude child don't even obey their parents they face difficulties like this or more painful realities than this.
Biigggg
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Post by Biigggg »

I think that one day you will make it, and that you will be a good writer, l liked the story, l think if you improve on writing short, well punctuated sentences and add some figures of speech, to enrich the writting
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pthomas950
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Post by pthomas950 »

Good story, but not well develop.
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Bellatonia
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Post by Bellatonia »

The story needs to be branded and there is need for figurative use of language,it wasn't entertaining and educative
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AliciaOntiveros
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Post by AliciaOntiveros »

Some missed placed words. Hard to understand the point in this story.
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Sammyjaypee
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Post by Sammyjaypee »

The story focuses on morality and undiscipline on the part of the two lovers. Going out without their parents' consent and knowledge shows the lack of discipline and respect
It is a valuable story!
Love to read more!!
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