Alone

Use this forum to post short stories that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links.
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Olublitz
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Alone

Post by Olublitz »

She walked forward, her head down. Her breathing was jerky and uneven. Her toes made fine imprints in the sand. The water that flowed around her feet was cold... Cold like her heart.
Once more she was alone. To this man she had given everything : her heart, her body and soul. Still, it wasn't enough. Still, like so many before, he had simply walked away. Her world had become a void, an empty bottomless void.
She paused and looked out to sea. A desperate yearning sat in her pale eyes. What to do, where to go. She hadn't the faintest idea.
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Jude Austin
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Post by Jude Austin »

Interesting start but it reads like you got bored halfway through. Is there more to come or is this the end? :?
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MrsSpac2011
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Post by MrsSpac2011 »

Would like to read more of this story.
Ekah Emmanuel
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Post by Ekah Emmanuel »

After reading this short piece of work I realize that the writer wants me to feel everything happening to the major character, I realize that the heart of this female character is Filled with loneliness and the only person she pours her heart to, the only person she feels would take away that loneliness from her ends up bringing more loneliness into her life by walking away from her. Which brakes her into peices and leaves her with no direction or inspiration to move on. She becomes confused and aimless. The writer of this work is too good and I am been sincere, this story can win every award but there is a problem, this story needs a lot more volume kicking on it, the writer of this work needs to kick and push the volume of this work further. If the volume of this work is increased and more work is been put into it, this work would be of great quality.
So I want you to go back to your word document and make more stories fall into this story so that I can read more and be able to review more.
Reviewed by: Ekah Emmanuel
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