Horror

Use this forum to post short stories that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links.
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Peculiar1365
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Horror

Post by Peculiar1365 »

Red wrist bands are normally put on d wrists of d dead with special nu :o mbers on it while the blue ones are put on sick people.
Doctor John just came out after performing an unsuccessful surgery, his patient had a severe turmoil in that brain and died doing surgery, john entered the elevator looking stressed and agitated, he saw a young m an in the elevator and exchanged greetings with him, the man started a conversation and they got into it, John then saw the red wristband with the numbers his last patient had on him but he couldn't get off the elevator on time.
Two doctors were on their way to a meeting, they opened the elevator door and saw a man lying down dead, he had on a name clip 'doc John'
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Abbey1120
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Post by Abbey1120 »

There are many mistakes that could be fixed. One of the sentences is actually a run-on. I wouldn't use emojis in my writing either. Overall this story is not my favorite and could definitely be better executed
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Jeffy+Nana22
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Post by Jeffy+Nana22 »

Honestly, you could have had a better word choice for this story. Also, it wasn't really a horror short story. I think you could have added more detail, that could have made it more of a horror story.
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readnpay04
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Post by readnpay04 »

Too short and quick to even create a horror atmosphere
Many grammatical errors
Better vocabulary could be used
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Jude Austin
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Post by Jude Austin »

This is more like one of those internet urban legends than a real story. If you want to scare your readers, you need to take time to build up a horror atmosphere. Your punctuation and grammar both need work too.
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