Thoughts of a Toy

[NewWriter7]

The air in the big place was filled with the chatter of large beings as they moved to and fro. On the outside, each seemed to be different than the last. Different colors, different sizes, different sounds. Most of them would come in, find what they desired and leave. Few of them ever stopped by where I was. If they did, they usually brought smaller beings with them. These smaller beings were our only way of ever getting out of this cramped place, for we could not move on our own.

‘Look, one of them is coming!’ One of the Stuffed owls pointed out. ‘Be ready!’ Whispers from the other toys filled the surrounding air. ‘I better be chosen this time!’ I whispered to myself. ‘Not likely, Cat’ The Stuffed dog next to me growled. ‘If the Big ones left you on this shelf for such a long time, then they definitely don’t want you!’ I hissed in response. I couldn’t wait for him or I to be picked. If I was picked, I wouldn’t be stuck here anymore. But if he was picked, then I wouldn’t have to deal with his annoying chatter any longer! Either way, I’d be happy.


“Oooooh, I want that one Mommy!”


Just after he spoke, a Big one and a small one appeared in front of our shelf. The smaller one was pointing up towards one of us. “Are you sure about that one, Honey?” The larger one asked the smaller one. The small one nodded and The Larger one reached up and grabbed me. ‘See you later’ I cackled at the Stuffed Dog. The dog growled in response as I was placed into the larger one’s basket. ‘Finally, I’m free!’ I cheered as we left.

[Rosemary Wright]

Lol, very funny. Interesting short story. I like your style of writing, it was smooth, I just wanted to read more. I like the humour you added to the dialogues.

[Kxr3536]

On my break at work and had a good laugh . One thing that I would suggest is when the cat is describing us as beings, big human and small human sounds a bit better only personal opinion though. Enjoyed this short but funny story. Thanks

[Insightsintobooks729]

I liked the story, it was funny, good job.

[Suza7179]

Greetings! I love the premise of your story, the idea that toys are sentient. I’ve always believed it is so.
I would suggest that you draw out the child’s choice; kids often have trouble deciding and it would build the tension.
The hero, the toy that is chosen, might be more sympathetic if you write it as a toy who always wishes for other toys to be chosen even though he himself wants to be chosen. He would be more deserving because he is so unselfish.
Since the title tells the reader that it is about a toy’s thoughts, I would get really specific about the setting; spin a detailed, wonderful world of toys-in-waiting. Everyone loves a toy shop, and your descriptions could pull your readers into a world where they can feel child-like again.
Finally, use more dialogue, not less, and use more white space to move the story forward.
Best wishes.

[DATo]

An interesting take on the personification of toys. Quite nicely done!