Day of Reckoning

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Lincolnshirelass
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Day of Reckoning

Post by Lincolnshirelass »

He didn't want that day to begin. Like a frightful, fractious child who thought he could shut the world out and slow down time he buried his head in his pillow, pulled the duvet over his head until he was struggling for breath, felt slightly sick and feverish. With a sigh he dragged himself out of bed, drank a glass of water straight from the tap. Yes, he'd drunk too much the night before, but he had brought his drinking under control long since, despite what some people still said. This was a one-off, and he wasn't ashamed of it, but hated the dry sourness. Ironic, he thought. I've grown out of the drink.

Just as he had grown out of the fast cars, the unsuitable girls and the drugs - not that his drug addiction had ever been as strong as some people thought, just a few good quality joints and the odd snort - and they had had no after-effects. He supposed he was lucky. Nobody hesitated to tell him he was lucky, over and over, and he had just nodded wearily, even made some sardonic joke.

Nobody could say he hadn't reformed. He was a completely different person now from that truculent teenager who lingered over into his twenties. He had served his country in the military. He had done charity work and run marathons. But in some people's eyes that still didn't count for anything. It wasn't fair.

IT WASN'T FAIR!

Just as it wasn't fair when his mother had died suddenly last year, though it couldn't really be called unexpected. He had coped with it well. For all his faults he had always been emotionally honest, and acknowledged that though they had come to a state of mutual affection and respect they weren't truly close, not in the way other Mothers and Sons were.

He had done all he could to put things right, and yet still his future, still his prospects were so narrow, so limited. He would have liked to have been a teacher, a doctor, even a carpenter (he was good with his hands) but doors had slammed shut. None of these possibilities were open to him.

There was a firm but polite knock at the door. A knock he knew he couldn't ignore, and if he did, it would come again, a couple of minutes later, just as polite, but firmer. Still, he hesitated, wondered about retreating beneath the duvet again.

But he couldn't, and that was that. This was the day the door slammed shut and all other possibilities in his life ended. 'Come in, Robert,' he called, his voice echoing oddly.

After all, it was his coronation today.
An Eye for an Eye only ends up making the whole world blind.

Mahatma Gandhi
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DATo
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Post by DATo »

I like the story very much but I am confused by the ending. I understand what you are trying to do and it works very well as a great twist, but I don't know who the principle character is and I feel I should - like it is some famous person of whom I should be acquainted. Am I reading too much into the story?
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Lincolnshirelass
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Post by Lincolnshirelass »

Hi, DATo, yes, I wonder myself if I should have reworked the ending. Or maybe told it in the first person. To answer your question, no, the main protagonist isn't supposed to be anyone real, rather a fictional prince, I suppose I was trying to make the point that, though I'm not a rabid anti-monarchist, the institute of monarchy can also be cruel and restrictive to those supposedly 'privileged' by it.
An Eye for an Eye only ends up making the whole world blind.

Mahatma Gandhi
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DATo
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Post by DATo »

Lincolnshirelass wrote:Hi, DATo, yes, I wonder myself if I should have reworked the ending. Or maybe told it in the first person. To answer your question, no, the main protagonist isn't supposed to be anyone real, rather a fictional prince, I suppose I was trying to make the point that, though I'm not a rabid anti-monarchist, the institute of monarchy can also be cruel and restrictive to those supposedly 'privileged' by it.
Actually, you did make the point, and quite well. Upon completing the story I fully understood that you were describing the confined and protocol-driven lives of members of royalty. At first I thought you meant Prince Charles but he wasn't a good fit so I began wracking my brain trying to figure out who you were talking about. It did occur to me that the character might be fictitious but I wasn't sure.
“I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.”
― Steven Wright
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Thirielle
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Post by Thirielle »

I can imagine the scene from him waking up, getting up from bed and drinking tap water. It was like a scene in some movies i have watched and books i have read, those novel types. And I like it. The scene somehow reminded me of my very first favorite novel book, The Bridges of Madison County. I dont really know why. But just like Dato, I'm confused in the ending. It was his coronation day. I was thinking that since he served in the military, he was promoted. Can you enlighten me?
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Lincolnshirelass
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Post by Lincolnshirelass »

Thank you, @Thirielle. Yes, the ending and the twist in the tale was that he was crowned king, which meant though he had privileges, he also could not do many of the things others can.
An Eye for an Eye only ends up making the whole world blind.

Mahatma Gandhi
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Thirielle
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Post by Thirielle »

Oh wow. I didn't imagine that coming. Job well done for the twist :)
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Dolor
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Post by Dolor »

I like the story. It is proficiently written.
I was confused with the unexpected twist at the end so I read it over for a couple of times before it got in my head. ^_^
I hope I could be as good as you are in narrating stories.
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