No names

Use this forum to post short stories that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links.
Post Reply
User avatar
Czarmaine AM
Posts: 204
Joined: 11 May 2017, 23:56
Bookshelf Size: 44
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-czarmaine-am.html
Latest Review: "Border Post 99" by Kedar Patankar

Icon No names

Post by Czarmaine AM »

She was at the back door of the club with a cigarette in hand beside the trash.
it was actually her first time attempting to smoke.

“Mind if i join you?” a man maybe around her age came into view.
“I don’t mind.”

They were standing side by side, one meter apart.
He was smoking effortlessly like he has been doing it all his life.
He was almost halfway down his cigar when he noticed that the girl was still trying to light up hers.
He blurted a small laugh.

“You’re new here.” he tried to break the awkward silence between them.
She didn’t answer. She continued her futile efforts of lighting up her stick.
“You are not supposed to light it that way.” He said matter of fact.

“What?” the girl asked, clueless.
“Here, let me teach you.” the guy closed their gap and noticed the heaviness in her eyes.
“Hold mine.” He exchanged their stick then put her cigar on his lips while lighting it.

“What are you doing?” the girl asked a little annoyed.
“That’s how you do it.” he smirked.
She quickly snatched her cigar back and threw his lit cigarette she was holding on the ground.
She put the stick on her lips and inhaled the smoke.

He was caught off guard and found himself staring at her troubled face as he realized that they just had their first indirect kiss. His train of thoughts was cut when she coughed and made a subtle cry.

It was the most heartbreaking sound he ever heard.

“Have your ever wanted something so bad?” the girl asked while staring directly on his eyes.
He felt a little conscious so he looked away. “I think so.”
“All I ever wanted do was to smoke this damn cigarette without coughing!”
She threw the stick on the ground and step on it angrily.
She was like a kid throwing a tantrum.

“What a waste.”
“I know I’m a waste.”
“I was referring to the cigarettes you threw.”
“Yep still true. I’m the most wasted person you’ll ever meet.”
“Really? what’s your story?”
“I just killed someone.”

He didn’t know what to say. He felt his jaw dropped and looked at her.

She laughed.

It was the most heartwarming sound he ever heard.

“For the record, it was a joke.” she smiled. “How about you?”
“What about me?”
“I don’t know.”
“Well, I don’t know too.”

Another awkward yet comfortable silence. They were still standing side by side with elbows touching.

“What’s your name?” she asked.
“Can you guess it?”
“You look like a “Diego” to me.”
“I’m not sure what should I feel about it.”
“Well, you should be flattered. Diego is Macho.”
“Ha. Thank you, “Bianca?” He said sarcastically.
“Nice try. That name is too feminine for me” She smiled.

Silence.

“Keep talking.” He said.
“I suck at small talks.”
“So tell me your dreams then? aside from smoking the cigarette without coughing.”
“Very funny.”
“I’m serious.”
“I don’t have any.”
“You’re right. You’re a waste.”
“A pretty girl with no dreams. The most beautiful kind of waste.”
“I have to agree.”

It was her turn to gaze at the man beside her. His eyes was closed, his back against the wall. He looked so deep and calm.

“What made you come here outside?” she asked.
“I just want to pause the time. After tonight, I’m sure things won’t be the same.”
“Don’t worry, in general, change is good.”
“I’m afraid that after working this hard and coming this far, I’ll realized this is not what I really want and then I can’t back out anymore. You know what I mean?” he opened his eyes and they were gazing at each other’s eyes.
“What wouldn’t I do to be in your shoes right now.” she said.

They suddenly heard the back door open.
“Hey Bro!” calling the guy’s attention. “Whoa, you found yourself a chick. Congrats man but you need to come inside now.” the new guy literally dragged him away from the girl.

——-

The next moment, the girl was sitting at the far end of the bar as she waited for the next band to play and promote their debut album.

The band started playing.

She was in utter shock when she heard these words from the vocalist of the band:
“I dedicate this song to that pretty girl with no dreams”

He caught her eyes and never let go until he finished his song.

-End-
"Though my soul may set in darkness, it will rise in perfect light;
I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night."
(The Old Astronomer to His Pupil by Sarah Williams)
Latest Review: "Border Post 99" by Kedar Patankar
User avatar
TheRavensWoods
Posts: 30
Joined: 27 Jun 2017, 13:56
Currently Reading: Faithful
Bookshelf Size: 148
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-theravenswoods.html
Latest Review: "The 11.05 Murders" by Brian O'Hare

Post by TheRavensWoods »

This is a nice little story. I could definitely see this happening at one of the clubs in San Francisco or New York. I hope to see more from you!
Latest Review: "The 11.05 Murders" by Brian O'Hare
User avatar
Mfaro025
Posts: 5
Joined: 01 Jul 2017, 21:02
Bookshelf Size: 0

Post by Mfaro025 »

Nice work
User avatar
Czarmaine AM
Posts: 204
Joined: 11 May 2017, 23:56
Bookshelf Size: 44
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-czarmaine-am.html
Latest Review: "Border Post 99" by Kedar Patankar

Post by Czarmaine AM »

TheRavensWoods wrote:This is a nice little story. I could definitely see this happening at one of the clubs in San Francisco or New York. I hope to see more from you!

This means a lot to me. Thank you so much!
"Though my soul may set in darkness, it will rise in perfect light;
I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night."
(The Old Astronomer to His Pupil by Sarah Williams)
Latest Review: "Border Post 99" by Kedar Patankar
Post Reply

Return to “Creative Original Works: Short Stories”