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Red

Use this forum to post short stories that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links.

Red

Post Number:#1 by tot2487
» 21 Dec 2016, 05:00

Red
by Chante Johnson

He sat staring out of the window trying to find the sun and wishing for tears. His end was near. He could feel it.

One day while sun-bathing on the vine, the giants came through on their daily walk to give food and water to the Gardenites. Occasionally, one of them would poke, prod, and examine Red, but mostly they just fed him and left. This time was different. This giant did not just look and cop a feel. Instead, it picked Red up and ripped him from his lifeline. Panicked, Red jumped from the giant’s hands and tried to roll back to his vine. Weeds and sticks cut his supple flesh as he tried to escape. He had his vine in sight, but it was out of reach. Before Red could figure out how to reconnect to his source of being, the giant wrapped its huge, warm hand around him and lifted him from the ground. Overcome with fear and despair, Red was carried away defeated. He did not know what fate awaited him then, but now there was no question.

Red sat in the giant’s home feeling his scarred skin and contemplating his life. He, like the other Gardenite prisoners, tried to understand why he’d been taken. No one had any answers.

Every day, twice a day, the giant would come into the room and choose prisoners to kill. The Gardenites watched in horror as their friends were cut into pieces, sometimes thrown onto hot pieces of metal, and devoured by the giant. They knew they would all meet their end in this way. They tried to find a pattern or understand its reasoning, but there was no way to know who was going to die next. The giant seemed to choose at random.

The prisoners were continually trying to find a way to escape, all except Red. Ever since he was disconnected from his vine, he felt his life slipping away. He was dying already and given the choice, he preferred the quick chop of the giant’s knife to the slow, creeping process of wasting away. He calmly kept his post by the window, and quietly said goodbye to his life.
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Re: Red

Post Number:#2 by DATo
» 21 Dec 2016, 05:08

Cleverly done. I like your use of personification with respect to the "Gardinite". Your descriptions were very vivid and well written.

Thank you for sharing. I would like to read more of your work.
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Re: Red

Post Number:#3 by tot2487
» 21 Dec 2016, 06:14

Thank you. I haven't written anything for a while and I'm looking to get back into it. This seems like a good place to get feedback so I can make sure I'm improving. I appreciate you taking the time to read it.
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Re: Red

Post Number:#4 by eatpraywrite
» 13 Feb 2017, 13:35

Beautiful and tragic! I would love to see this story expanded into something even bigger :D
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Re: Red

Post Number:#5 by Mannie913
» 18 Feb 2017, 23:28

Very interesting! I like the description and how you never actually say what the vegetable is, but it's clear its a tomato. You gave us a glimpse at the other side of the coin.
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Re: Red

Post Number:#6 by Happyreader17
» 24 Feb 2017, 15:43

Well written. I'm curious about future works. Tragic.
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Re: Red

Post Number:#7 by Vivian Paschal
» 09 Jun 2017, 12:41

Nice. Very nice. The way you give life and human feel to your non-human characters is brilliant. You are brilliant.
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Re: Red

Post Number:#8 by Ojukwu Mervyn
» 19 Jun 2017, 05:37

Amazing use of symbolic personification and euphemism, I really love the metaphorically use of words

-- 19 Jun 2017, 05:37 --

Amazing use of symbolic personification and euphemism, I really love the metaphorically use of words
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Re: Red

Post Number:#9 by TheRavensWoods
» 07 Jul 2017, 21:49

I really enjoyed this story! I will definitely be thinking twice the next time I go to chop some fruits and vegetables! You've done very well!
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