Lonely People

Use this forum to post short stories that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links.
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O K Emmanuel
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Re: Lonely People

Post by O K Emmanuel » 30 Oct 2017, 09:55

Well, fine work 'I like it' keep it up.

Njengnjoro
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Post by Njengnjoro » 31 Oct 2017, 05:41

Very nicely done. I saw easily the mental pictures you weaved so well.

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Armattcia666
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Post by Armattcia666 » 14 Nov 2017, 15:50

What a lovely sentiment, thank you.
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Lincolnshirelass
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Post by Lincolnshirelass » 15 Nov 2017, 05:09

One of my favourite songs, and you have made a beautiful and touching short story out of it!
An Eye for an Eye only ends up making the whole world blind.

Mahatma Gandhi

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Rosemary Wright
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Post by Rosemary Wright » 18 Nov 2017, 15:22

Excellent work! This is the kind of stories I read over and over again. It's a story with a definite intent. Though a short story, but the writer was able to send across a message of kindness, compassion and appreciation.

All the characters of the story are epitomes of love and kindness. I was touched when the young man dropped the flowers intended for his girlfriend on the grave of the priest's parishioner and friend.

Also the writer has a rich vocabulary, nice style of writing and the story has interesting conversations. I look forward to reading more stories from him.

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Hughes99
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Post by Hughes99 » 12 Jan 2018, 15:18

I think the story of money people was touching. What the priest did for the women that died. That he bought the grave site for her. The boy that he met made me cry when he put the flowers on her grave. I thought that was sweet of him.

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Kharo_baby
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Post by Kharo_baby » 23 Jan 2018, 14:42

Story so picturesque... Felt like a party in it just observing.... Keep up the good work. :P

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Janelove
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Post by Janelove » 24 Jan 2018, 12:39

Gosh!
So wonderful a story!!! Keep it up

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Epuise
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Post by Epuise » 29 Jan 2018, 11:50

This Story was simply delightful! I absolutely loved the progression of this story. Normally people would gawk and wonder but never take a step closer, or even speak to the person who looks to be mourning. It's the kind of story that shows kindness exists, even if it's only in our imaginations.

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DATo
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Post by DATo » 29 Jan 2018, 18:45

Many thanks to all who have responded to my story since I last made an appearance in this thread. I've read all of your comments and feel humbly grateful for all of the kind words you have bestowed upon this little piece. I had no idea at all when I wrote it that it would be appreciated as much as it has.

Once again ... thank you!
“I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.”
― Steven Wright

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Christina_Limpus+
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Post by Christina_Limpus+ » 25 Feb 2018, 15:10

I am a former and current fan of this song, and the band. I loved this short story. Could not stop reading your words. They took me to the bus and the cemetery. Loved the tribute to "Eleanor Rigby" at the end!

Ekah Emmanuel
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Post by Ekah Emmanuel » 07 Mar 2018, 14:50

I have to give the writer of this story a large amount of credit because this is a creatively crafted story that would never leave the mind of it's reader, this story can not be forgotten by anyone who reads it because it tells you things you know, in a more complicated manner there by twisting things around. Someone reading this story for the very first time may think it's just a regular story until he/she has taken time to read it well. This story has more to it than it seemed at the beginning, it has a normal beginning but a creative ending. I believe a good story must have something creative in it which is visible in this story. This story teaches its readers that when you are in a bad situation, when you loose a friend, you just have to move on because there is nothing that you or anyone can do about it, this story teaches us to accept everything that comes with life because life has both good and bad things to offer at the same time. At first when the priest and the young boy lived with their loved ones when they were alive they never knew a time would come that their loved ones would die and leave them alone in the world, but they still moved on with their lives. Which means no one loves sorrows, no one loves death but when death comes you have actually no option at all, you just have to accept your faith. And if your friends are dead just like the two main characters in this story and you are lucky to be alive today you have no choice but to move on. This piece of work is marvelous and has a lot to offer to the world and especially to those who think death is the end. This work is good. I love the creative pattern the writer followed. Nice job.

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Zilelabelle
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Post by Zilelabelle » 03 Apr 2018, 12:49

Excellent short story! It was a perfect slice-of-life piece with a cool twist.

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DATo
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Post by DATo » 03 Apr 2018, 14:35

Zilelabelle wrote:
03 Apr 2018, 12:49
Excellent short story! It was a perfect slice-of-life piece with a cool twist.
Hi Zilelabelle, and thank you for responding to my story. As this story has drawn more responses I've tried to refrain from posting replies on this thread and have of late resorted to sending my thanks via PMs because I don't want it to appear that I am bumping my story to the top of the list, but I just wanted to say to you and to all the others who may have responded to this story that I am shocked by the number of kind remarks that have been made about it. I had absolutely no idea when I posted it that it would be liked by so many people - quite frankly I am very surprised and indeed overwhelmed by all the generous responses.

So thank you once again and my thanks also to anyone I may have missed in the past.
“I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.”
― Steven Wright

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JudasFm
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Post by JudasFm » 05 Apr 2018, 20:23

This is a nice story with a good reference at the end ;) Simple and sweet. I liked it.

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