An Unexpected Client

[romymaria]

I bring my cigarette to my lips and inhale. I plop down on the couch and dramatically exhale, running my bony, fragile fingers through my hair. A sigh comes from me that has been hidden in the depths of my core for weeks. I shut my eyes for a brief moment, recollecting myself and my life. How did I allow things to end up like this? I hear boots against the stairs and my heart quickens. My eyes snap open and I prepare for the worst. Another drag from my cigarette. In walks in the king. "Do you ever do anything useful? You're a waste of space." He practically spits these words at me as he puts on his coat. I try to utter a reply, but nothing comes out. He shakes his shaggy head and glares at me with bloodshot eyes. I stare blankly ahead at the wall behind him. He opens the front door, allowing a rush of cold air and snow into the house. The door slams and he is gone. I put my cigarette out and hide my face in my hands. Thoughts race through my head and I begin to lose myself. I bolt to the restroom and crash to the ground before the toilet, vomiting everything I had eaten that day. Once I am done I lean against the wall with its wallpaper covered in ducks.
"Your next client is here, Belle." I groan, dread consuming my body. I turn to the small girl in the doorway who is eyeing me with her steady, green eyes. "Yeah, give me a second. I'll be right there." I shakily lift myself up and look in the mirror. I brush my long, sleek hair and splash my face with water. I stare at my reflection and blink the water from my eyelashes. I make my way to the door. Prepared for the gust of cold wind, I swing open the door. Standing before me is not my expected client, Mr. Detariate with his horn-rimmed glasses and greasy hair. Standing before me is a girl identical to me.
I stammer, searching for the right words. "What are you doing here? How did you find me?" She grabs my hand and pulls me outside. "I'm taking you away from this wretched place, that's what I'm doing." I stare at my identical sister in bewilderment. "Annie, he will find me and he will kill me." She stops for a moment, deep in thought. Looking up at me, she replies, "That's a risk we have to take. You just have to trust that we can keep you safe." I grab hold of her hand again, her rings pressing against my fingers. Walking to her car, I do not look back at the house that has held me for the past year. I step into her car. Emotions are swirling around in my stomach, and I feel like I have to run to the toilet again. I take a deep breath and stare ahead. We speed off into the blizzard and into a new life.

[rachel_bruhn]

I found your short story well written and intriguing. Your writing style is easy to follow and leaves an air of mystery with the reader as you want to read more to learn about the characters and wondering what you just walked into the middle of. From this excerpt I interpret the main character, Belle, to be the victim of domestic abuse or someone involuntarily in the sex trade business since it refers to her "client". Domestic violence is so prevalent in today's society, but just as taboo. Often times the victims of domestic violence don't feel powerful enough to get away or actually get pulled into the erred logic of the abuser. I would love to see how this story unfolds. I could see this becoming a great story that serves the purpose of empowering women.

I think a fun twist would be to make the twin, Annie, a figment of Belle's imagination. "Annie" comes along and gives Belle the push she needs to escape from the abusive world that she is in and get back on her feet, so through the whole story it would be Annie supporting Belle until Belle has found her own power. The book could end with Belle realizing that there was never an Annie and she had the power all along.