Lucky Or Unlucky Marriage (True-to-Life Story)

Use this forum to post short stories that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links.
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Rowela Nelmida
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Lucky Or Unlucky Marriage (True-to-Life Story)

Post by Rowela Nelmida »

In an old days, me and this guy named Nick met in the church. Every night we are together with our other church mates. But one day, he confess his feelings for me, and I’m happy because we have the same feelings. We texted each other saying good morning, take care, eat your meal etc., until we become boyfriends and girlfriends.

Then one day, we did this thing called sex, which is prohibited especially in our age. I’m only 17yrs old that time and he is 21yrs old. We did that every time we see each other, everywhere. We tried it in a car, in a motel, in a dark place along the street and everywhere. Until I got pregnant. Yes, I got pregnant. And on that day I knew that I’m pregnant, he’s flying to go to other country. And Iyso afraid. What will I gonna do? I’m still young and I didn’t finish my study yet. So I decided to hide it.

I broke up with him and said that I already have my monthly period back. Yes, I lied to him. So we broke up that day.

Until one day, someone in my neighborhood noticed my tummy, and it got bigger unlike the other days. She asked my mom if I’m pregnant but my mom is clueless and doesn’t know anything. So my mom rushed to go home and asked me this question, “Are you pregnant?” And God my mom is crying. I can’t say anything, I can’t open my mouth, I don’t know what to say. I’m only crying the whole time. In that moment my mom knew that it’s true that I’m pregnant.

If you want me to continue this please write a comment. Thank you 🙂

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BrittaniDJ
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Post by BrittaniDJ »

I like the concept. However, you may need someone to help you write it. It is clear that English is not your first language and if you want English speakers to be your primary audience, I suggest you ask someone who's primary language is English to edit this, and any further work. Or have them write it for you, with your ideas. Your idea is fascinating. I hope this doesn't offend you. I want to be clear that I think your short story idea is good!
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Rowela Nelmida
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Post by Rowela Nelmida »

Thank you for commenting to this story. Yes you’re right, English is not my first language. I understand if you said that. Because me as well is not sure of my grammar 🙂 I will improve my English for the next chapter of this story :) thank you again 🙂

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Ben Moore
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Post by Ben Moore »

I would like to read more of this! I agree that it could do with a bit of editing to improve the English. I’m sure you could find someone who would be able to help!

Good start to a story though. It gets people gripped straight away
'All bad poetry springs from genuine feeling' - Oscar Wilde
'Am reading more Oscar Wilde. What a tiresome, affected sod' - Noël Coward

timur777
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Post by timur777 »

Some grammar mistakes, but in overall a good job accomplished. Congrats!

ThomasTheAttorney
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Post by ThomasTheAttorney »

I think that this is for short stories that have an end. If you have an end, make it a short story and we will comment on it. Anyone can write a beginning. A writer can write an ending too. Is there not forum like this in your native language?

CYSON DOROPH
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Post by CYSON DOROPH »

Yes, add so more because it seems very eventful, but sounds like non fiction due to the pace at which it is narrated. I noticed some errors, please proofread to eliminate them, as they are less than five in total.

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