My Brother (Very Short Story)

Use this forum to post short stories that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links.
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Amalia Lantano
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Re: My Brother (Very Short Story)

Post by Amalia Lantano »

It feels like reading a confession from a victim of violence which implies that you did a great job writing it. It is realistic enough to make the reader feel what the author has written.
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Tch0c0lat3
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Post by Tch0c0lat3 »

The story has a wonderful surprise ending. It definitely took an unexpected turn. There are a lot of questions left unanswered. Why did the brother kill himself or why is he dead? What are the parents thoughts? What ends up happening to the main character? What could have caused such strange behavior? I felt it was too short because now so much curiosity. I really enjoyed it though. Very suspenseful and the kids behavior in the beginning is very spooky.
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Joseph_ngaruiya
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Post by Joseph_ngaruiya »

baileerose9 wrote: 23 Feb 2018, 02:33 I often thought about going to a therapist and how he would want to know about my family background. I'd have to tell him about my brother, and he wouldn’t even wait till I finished to commit me. I’d tell him when it all started. How my brother would sit outside my door every night. He’d bang his head over and over, well, at least I think it was his head, I couldn’t tell since he was outside of my door. He’d bang on my door for a good 5 minutes, loud enough for me to hear, but never loud enough to alarm my parents. After he would bang and bang, he’d open my door and stare at me, the light of the hallway making his figure dark and terrifying. Sometimes he would mumble incoherent words that I couldn't understand, a made up language I assumed. Other times, he would laugh a very low and creepy laugh as he looked at me. Most of the time, he just stood and stared. He’d come in my room after some time and pet my head like I was a dog and make noises one would to a baby. Then he would slowly leave my room after about 30 minutes. I would be so scared, i’d sit in bed, up all night. Hence the reason my parents used to say I need to talk to a therapist, find out what was making me not sleep at night since I wouldn’t admit why I couldn’t sleep. One time, I came close to telling my parents, but I didn’t and that night, when he was petting my head, his hand pressed into my throat and his fingers wrapped around my neck, causing me to thrash around. The reason I wouldn’t tell is because I felt he would kill me finally. Like he did himself all those years ago. He has been a figment of my imagination for years, I know that he wasn’t really there, but his touch just feels so real, ya know?

This is a short story I'd want to be longer.
Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment.
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shamayelnur
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Post by shamayelnur »

Captivating piece, and makes my heart thud now in the middle of the night. I wonder if his brother is really a figment of his mind or real as an apparition. Seems open ended to me, I loved it!
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car-mbz
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Post by car-mbz »

This feels so real. Its a well written story with a captivating title.
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