Fear of the unknown open for reviews

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Lenza
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Fear of the unknown open for reviews

Post by Lenza » 29 Jun 2018, 23:36

MY SHORT STORY

FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN

In a world full of mystery, there are events even greatest minds fail to comprehend. The strange energy radiating all over the universe that everyone's too busy to recognize. That feeling that you get when you walk in a forest with beautiful flowers and a cool breeze. The laughter of children running across a corn field in a village back in the day.
A combination of those feelings in a dream, and a strong urge to visit past memories where things were better got Ciara in a place she couldn't even explain. In a huge explosion of white light she found herself falling into a pit of endless deep darkness. It pretty much felt like falling into the emptiness between planets.
Ciara was a sad, miserable girl who considered herself the Gorgon of her village. She hated life and was always melancholic. The only thing she thought about was how she could disappear into thin air and be gone forever. When the blast happened, she didn't know what was going on. She looked below her and upon realizing she was falling into an empty she screamed at the top of her voice. All she heard was millions of echoes which creped her out even more.
She trembled in fear and sweat dripped from her body as she reached her pocket to find her cellphone. The introduction of light caused a huge tremble. She fell in a square room, white in colour full of white bright light in the sense of perfection. That's when she came to her senses and remembered she had swallowed a hundred pills of Ciprofloxacin and ended her life.
The suicide itself wasn't even worth it. The feeling of sadness and misery was still in her memory. The constant questions that hovering in her mind were, 'what is this place? ', 'am I in hell? ', 'is this heaven? ', 'what is going on? '.
Ciara was hardly scared of taking steps. She immediately headed for the door to uncover the mystery. When she opened the door she saw a beautiful park and a handsome young man sitting on a blue chair. It was very different from other chairs. Ciara went towards him to ask him where they were. She stretched her hand to greet him and when they touched, all earthly memories were deleted. But the beauty of paradise that was coming to her was unimaginable. The rays of the sun were baby pink in colour, the streams were silver immersed in immense beauty and brightness and were flowing down powerful black rocks. The ground was soft and beautiful with no weeds and fruits had sweetness that wouldn't go away. All Ciara had to do was take one bite of the fruits and would own that land of paradise forever.
She plucked one fruit and put it in her pocket and before plucking the next one to eat she felt her cellphone. Memories can be deleted from the brain by forces of the universe that created it but the phone memory keeps intact till deleted by its maker. When she saw her photo in her bedroom, it recovered one memory of earth, the planet she once lived in.
Such a human soul was a virus in that land and had to be sent back to earth to rid paradise of painful memories of life. If she hadn't saved the picture as her background photo, the cosmic entity directing her would have gotten rid of the cellphone before she could browse through her gallery. But some people aren't meant to stay dead.
We all attended Ciara's burial ceremony. But when the coffin started moving and making noises, everyone ran in different directions. It was caos and horror. Deep fear that wouldn't quite fully leave the memories of its victims. I didn't run. I opened the coffin to let Ciara out. I had to uncover the mystery behind the event that got everyone to leave our village trembling. Things were never the same again. I suppose Ciara always will be the Gorgon of our village. She wasn't a ghost. She was an innocent girl that ressurected by forces people fear because they don't know.

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Ceejay69
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Post by Ceejay69 » 30 Jun 2018, 00:15

Nice story, not happy with the ending though.

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Artifacs
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Post by Artifacs » 09 Sep 2018, 06:46

Wow, It's a romantic story in the classical way of Allan Poe, Espronceda, Schumner, et cetera. Love the style. Keep it up! Got me down. Hope Ciara finally get rest.

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Fatima_Palacios
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Post by Fatima_Palacios » 04 Nov 2018, 23:11

I liked this, not what i was expecting but i like the way you styled it.
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amsula_2018
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Post by amsula_2018 » 09 Nov 2018, 02:36

I honestly find the ending unrealistic. It was actually promising in the beginning but the ending is something hard to believe and my sympathy towards Ciara has gone out of the window. I also noticed some misspelled words such as chaos and creep.
"If you can't reduce your argument to a few crisp words and phrases,
there's something wrong with your argument." ~ M. Saatchi

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