3 out of 4 stars
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Relationship counselor, Oren L. Harris presents the ELLER (Experiencing Long-Lasting and Enjoyable Relationships) model in his book, The ELLER model, Finding Love Perfectly. The model is a comprehensive approach to counseling based on the comprehension of love and empowerment. It explores the nine-part system of every human being in detail.
The nine parts are listed as the mind, emotions, will, spirit, (the emotional) heart, mouth, brain, body and skin. To increase the chances of finding love perfectly, one has to understand how these parts interrelate. Apart from the nine-part human system theory, the model encompasses other four components, namely, the 90/10 matrix, 80/20 model, relationship degradation curve and types of model-based love.
What is love after all? Many theologians, philosophers and laymen alike have mused over this question since the beginning of time. According to the US Census Bureau as quoted in The ELLER model, Finding Love Perfectly, over one hundred million Americans are looking for “the one” with whom they will spend the rest of their lives with. Those are staggering statistics that go to show the importance of the topic discussed in the book. As I read the book, I couldn’t help but ponder on the same question myself and gain insight from the message that is advanced by the author.
I also liked that Oren L. Harris addressed the questions that are frequently asked when the model is used. Questions featured include how a spouse can help their partner open up or whether the model is more effective than the dating apps that are currently available or online dating services. In-depth answers are also provided in each case. For the first question, the author explains that the encouragement to open up can be achieved by asking open-ended and non-invasive questions. For the second question, Harris explains that the model helps in determining the damage that has been experienced by the person and it also helps in ascertaining whether their spirit is activated which is absent in the apps and online services.
Another interesting aspect of the book is that it contains accounts that can be used to understand the topics included. One account features, Kelly, a lady who has had little success in her past relationships. She wonders whether her past partners ever treasured her or whether they had only one goal in mind. This and other stories add a fascinating strand to the book.
The one thing I did not like about the book was its structure. Despite the addition of the accounts, their effectiveness was minimized as they were attached as appendices. It would have been easier to connect with the characters’ stories if they had been interwoven with the main text. Putting everything into account, I rate The ELLER model, Finding Love Perfectly 3 out of 4 stars.
The ELLER model, Finding Love Perfectly, Love
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