Question over a long-standing marriage

[Slater678]

After a twenty-seven year old marriage, Mark divorced his wife Patty Shaw in 2005. For someone who has been described as a "congenital optimist," I feel he should have tried more to reconcile with his former wife rather than marry again in 2011 to Crystal Dwyer. What do you think? Isn't it important, especially for the sake of their daughters, for Mark to have given Patty more time and a second chance at reconciling their long marriage?

[Crs webco]

Unfortunately what observers can see of a relationship often does not tell the whole story. Without being integral in the relationship, it is nearly impossible for anyone to know the reasons why some relationships can overcome obstacles while others cannot. Perhaps Patty was given more time and second, third, or even more chances during the 27 years they were married and finally Mark just gave up. It doesn't appear that Mark rushed to remarry, and the six years between the divorce and Mark's remarriage was additional time for reconciliation, and maybe it was tried and didn't work.

[Joanna Olson]

I think each situation is different, and there are always two sides to the story. Just because his first marriage didn’t work out doesn’t mean he didn’t try.

[Slater678]

Unfortunately what observers can see of a relationship often does not tell the whole story. Without being integral in the relationship, it is nearly impossible for anyone to know the reasons why some relationships can overcome obstacles while others cannot. Perhaps Patty was given more time and second, third, or even more chances during the 27 years they were married and finally Mark just gave up. It doesn't appear that Mark rushed to remarry, and the six years between the divorce and Mark's remarriage was additional time for reconciliation, and maybe it was tried and didn't work.

This is so true. Unfortunately, the reader will never know the true reasons of the circumstances of their divorce as both Mark and Patty declined an opportunity to tell. All the same, Patty may be the only person who knows the true Mark outside the glamour of the stage. Isn't this the case of all artistes?

[Slater678]

I think each situation is different, and there are always two sides to the story. Just because his first marriage didn’t work out doesn’t mean he didn’t try.

Agreed. It's seems the man gets another chance but the woman is left alone to pick up the broken pieces. Isn't life so unfair!

[Yulisa Sanchez]

I agree that it's hard to judge and say they should have tried harder as an outsider of their relationship. Also, I don't recall there being too much personal information in the book about Hansen's first marriage other than the divorce. Regardless, most marriages do try everything to make it work, particularly if there are children, before deciding divorce is the best option for everyone.

[OTrain Disene]

I also fall to the group that says he should have held on and worked things with his wife, but that's marital problems. Sometimes you will have to let go because holding on will just hurt you further.

[Cristina Corui Mihailescu]

We are not allowed to judge as we are outsiders. Only Mark and Patty know their versions of the truth. There could be lots of explanations from both sides. Mark did what made him happy.

[Vivian Writes]

Sometimes, interpersonal relationships can be a whole lot more complicated than ideals and discipline that permeate other parts of our lives. I think the same goes for Mark.

[Slater678]

I agree that it's hard to judge and say they should have tried harder as an outsider of their relationship. Also, I don't recall there being too much personal information in the book about Hansen's first marriage other than the divorce. Regardless, most marriages do try everything to make it work, particularly if there are children, before deciding divorce is the best option for everyone.

I agree with your comments. However, it's also odd that while Mark has been able to built a strong relationship with his new wife's (Crystal's) children, he has remained estranged to his own children by his first marriage. It would seem to me his daughters didn't think he tried enough to make his first marriage work.

[Slater678]

I also fall to the group that says he should have held on and worked things with his wife, but that's marital problems. Sometimes you will have to let go because holding on will just hurt you further.

Unfortunately, it would appear his daughters have never forgiven him for divorcing their mother (based on the fact that they have never reconciled with him and his new wife).

[Slater678]

Sometimes, interpersonal relationships can be a whole lot more complicated than ideals and discipline that permeate other parts of our lives. I think the same goes for Mark.

True. In fact I think it's people's differing ideals that make relationships difficult. I think that for a marriage to work, there shouldn't be a husband and wife's ideals. Instead there should only be one ideal, a shared one!

[Jenna Floyd]

It's difficult to say how much time they spent trying to resolve differences before they moved on. People change a lot, and it sounds like they grew apart for a long time. I also think it was interesting that Mark took the time to reflect and make a list of what was important to him in a partner before moving on. In the book, it sounds like it was ultimately a healthy choice for both Mark and Patty to be able to move on, even if it was pretty painful.

[Olga Markova]

With both Mark and Patty gracefully refusing to discuss in public their differences (which I personally think is the best a divorced couple could do for themselves and for their children), the book only gives the hearsay by a former accountant of the couple who, having been fired by Patty, is an unlikely "impartial judge" on the matter. If the differences Patty and Mark reportedly had in relation to spending and success credits are indeed true, I think it was not a matter of time to rescue the marriage. There is a saying that a talented person lives more than one life. My personal view is that Mark's and Patty's personalities outgrew the boundaries of their relationship. And I do not think that Mark deserves the estrangement by his daughters by Patty - for all I can glean from his attitude to people in general, Mark must be loving his daughters with all his passion - one example is his turning to a healer friend asking her to pray for his daughter when Elizabeth was sick - which indeed helped . I hope that Mark's daughters will come to appreciate their father's love for them.

[Rocky Ellery James Tumbelaka]

I disagree with divorce in general terms. But it is true that every case is different. If the health (both mental and physical) and safety is at risk, it is better to separate. Why live together if you can no longer feel happy together. You might end up depressed. And that is not a good thing.