2 out of 4 stars
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Sex Education for Adults Secrets to Amazing Sex and Happily Ever After Too by John Wilder is a non-fiction book that provides relationship advice to couples. The intent is to teach them how to stop fighting, create peace, and have great sex.
Mr. Wilder focuses on providing advice from all three areas: mind, body, and spirit. The author believes this sets the book apart from all other books that only focus on one area. He has a double major in Bible and Behavioral Science and also went to nursing school, giving him knowledge and training so that he can provide guidance in all three aspects.
The book consists of 28 chapters covering a multitude of topics. There were so many that it’s hard to list them all here, but I’ll try to touch a little on most of them. The first three chapters deal with resolving conflicts peacefully and how to have peace in a relationship. Mr. Wilder believed these to be the most important chapters of the book so he put them first. Next, the book goes into the main topic regarding a couple’s sexual relationship. The author details what he believes are the most common mistakes men and women make and how he counsels people to correct them. He even goes into detail as to what you should do while having sex with your partner. That is the majority of the book from chapter 4 to 14, with some advice for single men and women thrown in as well. Chapters 15 through 20 deal with problems that women have with their sexuality. He focuses attention on the feminist movement, as well as sexual abuse that many women may have experienced. In chapters 21 and 22 he lists dating ideas, some inexpensive and some expensive, to give the reader a fresh perspective that will help couples build their relationships. The final part of the book lists biblical advice about men being spiritual leaders of the home and some advice to fathers who may be going through a divorce with a custody battle. He also has a chapter on help for step-parents and dealing with step-kids that may not be happy about having a new parent involved.
This book was a little overwhelming to me. I appreciate that Mr. Wilder wanted to approach relationships from all three aspects of mind, body, and spirit, but I feel that a large number of topics covered in one book is a little too much. The length of the book was not an issue. The problem was that he tried to focus on so many topics he only had time to cover the basics. The only section given significant attention was the part detailing the sexual aspect of a relationship. In my opinion, he should have made that section one separate book and made the other topics into another whole book.
Mr. Wilder's advice is good regarding having great sex with your spouse. He completed extensive research on what works and what doesn’t work for most couples. I agree with most of the advice he provides, as my husband and I are already practicing most of what he talks about in this book, and it does work for us. Mr. Wilder tends to have an all or nothing attitude regarding his advice. He even offers a money back guarantee. He is very adamant that a wife should never turn her husband down if he wants sex. If her husband approaches her for sex, then she is to submit at all times. He mentions that this is biblical and provides scripture references that do support his belief. Mr. Wilder believes that when wives refuse to have sex with their husband, this is the main reason they cheat. The men are then forced to either satisfy their need through masturbation or with another woman. I don't believe that gives men the right to cheat, so this part bothered me a little bit. I have never refused my husband's approaches, but he is mindful of my feelings. It needs to be a give and take. The author touches slightly on that opinion but left a little of that to be interpreted by the reader.
Mr. Wilder has a strong opinion against feminists and makes it very clear that he feels it is their fault the divorce rate is an overwhelming 50%. This strong opinion, while mostly supported by research, was distracting. I tend to hold the same belief, but as a reviewer, I felt like this may be something that other readers would look negatively towards. He also has a strong opinion that women should only ever wear sexy, pretty, and lacey or silky underwear for their husbands. He states it quite often throughout the book, so much that I wonder if he has a little bit of a fetish regarding the topic. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but the all or nothing attitude is more opinionated rather than based on fact. There are as many preferences as there are men, so we shouldn’t place generalizations on such topics.
I am rating the book 2 out of 4 stars. It needs to be edited by a professional. There were several grammatical issues. Most of the problems were missing words, adding words, or repeating words. For that reason, I can’t give a 4-star rating. I am also not giving a 3-star rating, because this is not a book that will be appropriate for just any reader due to some graphic material. Mr. Wilder goes into great detail about body parts and sexual techniques that would not be appropriate for readers who are sensitive to that type of exposure. There are a few pictures, most of which don’t show much except for a little bit of a woman’s breast. The only concerning picture is one that shows a woman’s aroused clitoris. While I understand the author’s reason for including it, because he was talking about how some women and couples are not aware of the clitoris, I felt like his description was enough without having to post an actual picture. The pictures didn’t add any value to the author’s writing. Also, the website address for his blog that he promoted throughout the book did not work. I tried on three different computers and on my phone but could not access it.
Mr. Wilder’s strong opinion will be off-putting to some readers, no matter how honest they may or may not be. If the author didn't include pictures, cleaned up the grammatical errors, and toned down his strong opinion, I think the book would deserve a 4-star rating. This book is definitely for mature audiences only and would be very helpful for couples who are struggling in their relationship. Christian readers, like myself, might hesitate to read it at first, but Mr. Wilder does provide scripture references throughout the book which I felt reinforced his ideas quite well.
Sex Education for Adults Secrets to Amazing Sex and Happily Ever After Too
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