4 out of 4 stars
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The Stress Solution: Using Empathy and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to Reduce Anxiety and Develop Resilience by Arthur P. Ciaramicoli, is a self-help book which seeks to help readers live a heathly, stress-free lifestyle. Dr. Ciaramicoli begins by discussing the harmful effects of stress on the human body. The author then introduces his method of reducing stress through a combination of empathy and cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT).
Empathy is the practice of truly understanding another person's experiences, which can help us negotiate and resolve conflicts. Dr. Ciaramicoli says everyone is born with a capacity for empathy, but it must be constantly and carefully developed. Once we do develop empathy, it reduces our own stress as well as the stress of those to whom we show it. And once we show others empathy, we become more likely to receive empathy.
CBT is basically a way of retraining our brains to think more positively, so we feel more positively, so our actions become more positive. The book provides a glossary of cognitive distortions, or negative thought patterns, that CBT aims to correct. For example, assumed similarity means thinking others believe and perceive the same way you do, and magnifying means you view your mistakes as much larger than they truly are. Empathy helps us understand what is really going on around us so we can use CBT to correct our thinking, thereby reducing stress. At the time of writing this book, the author had spent 35 years using empathic CBT to help his clients reduce stress.
Each chapter provides insights into different concepts related to empathy or CBT, including examples from some of his clients. This is followed by journal questions and a call to action. The author strongly encourages the reader to actually answer these questions in a journal, discuss answers with a loved one, and put the newly learned principles into action, to truly gain from reading this resource. The book also includes an appendix with questionnaires to assess stress, empathy, and performance addiction. These questionnaires are meant to be filled out before and after reading to assess progress.
I picked up this book primarily because of the word "anxiety" in the subtitle, as anxiety is something with which I have struggled throughout my life. I also believed myself to be stressed, but after completing the stress questionnaire at the end of the book, I realized my stress levels are low and what I perceive as stress has actually been anxiety. With this in mind, I continued to read the book, answering journal questions along the way and making discoveries about my past and how I developed the negative thoughts and cognitive distortions that cause me anxiety in the present.
I think this book is an excellent resource for anyone who suffers from stress or anxiety. The most valuable thing to me was the emphasis on correcting cognitive distortions, because I think many of us go through life thinking these false, poisonous thoughts about ourselves and others, which puts us in a negative mood but also seriously impairs our ability to connect with one another. I also found value in the examples the author gave from some of his clients, which helped me realize how isolated we can become when we do not practice empathy and when we allow our minds to be dominated by these cognitive distortions.
This was a much different reading experience than I am used to, because I like to blast through a book as quickly as possible, whereas the author recommends taking this one at the pace of a chapter every few days. This advice makes sense because to get the most out of it, you need to give yourself time to reflect on each chapter and the two or three cognitive distortions discussed within, focusing on whether you have those thoughts and working on reversing them if you do. Another thing that made this book difficult for me was delving into my past to find the source of my negative self image. This might be easy for someone with abusive or highly critical parents or siblings, but for me it was difficult to remember anyone but myself being critical of me. That being said, I am glad for the opportunity to spend some time thinking about that and digging deep to find the source.
Overall, I would rate this book 4 out of 4 stars because I think it is a powerful resource for reducing stress and anxiety as well as mending strained relationships. The author speaks from a place of experience and wisdom, but manages to explain all the concepts in a way anyone can understand. One thing that struck me was the author's ability to explain the difference between empathy and sympathy, which I always thought I understood but now realize I did not.
Personally, I plan to keep returning to this book for as long as it takes to recognize my cognitive distortions and reverse them so I can set myself free from anxiety. Already I am recognizing these faulty thought patterns when I am at work, and as I remind myself to correct those patterns, I experience a reduction in my anxiety. I am also reminding myself to practice empathy as I interact with hundreds of people each day. I hope to see this book make an impact on improving my life overall.
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The Stress Solution
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