4 out of 4 stars
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The experience of widowhood is one of the most lonely, difficult, needy times anyone can walk through. Dr Sunny Stone and Kathy Caleb, the authors of the book Help for Widows, observe that there are life lessons to learn which can come in no other way. In the book's dedication page, they hope that the lessons learned will benefit those who are experiencing widowhood and help ease their grief.
At first glance, the book is quite impressionable. Its cool blue hues symbolizing the virtues of trust, loyalty, truth and faith; these are no doubt the kind of virtues a widow would want to remember her departed husband by. At the middle of the book cover is a picture of a soaring dove underlying the guide's Christian grounding and, more importantly, symbol of the Holy Spirit our ultimate guide during this difficult phase of our journey of faith. At only 54 pages long, it's an unobtrusive and handy book to carry and make reference to from time to time.
I found the information easy on the mind, and conveniently arranged into eleven chapters which can be grouped into two broad categories. Section one comprises of chapters one to nine and cover the human aspects of widowhood, whereas section two, chapters ten and eleven, deals with the spiritual aspects.
One of the topics covered in section one is the reality of widowhood. It's a reality reflecting pain that we are unprepared for, but with the right help the experience presents an opportunity for growth. I found the stages of grief discussed here eye-opening. I learnt that accepting widowhood calls for a change in attitude which can reveal things about ourselves we didn't know before. A second aspect in this section is to not conform to society's expectations on mourning. This is because each person has their own unique grieving pattern. I learnt here that loss of energy is one of the most difficult parts of losing a spouse. That taking little steps while I am regaining my energy is critical. The third aspect of this section covers the different emotions such as anger, fear, sadness, confusion and depression that comes during widowhood. I learnt that anger brings energy which if used well can enable growth. By way of offering suggestions, the fourth aspect of this section gives ways this is possible. One suggestion is whatever sport I like, I increase it. For example, since I like walking when I am angry, then, I need to walk further and faster.
The fifth aspect is about how to deal with guilt because it seems as a natural emotion to me as a woman. I learnt that when a spouse dies, guilt is an emotion that can destroy. It can recall memories of the times when I wasn't good to my husband as I wish I could have been. The key here is to find a way to forgive myself for my mistakes and let them go. The sixth aspect covers on how to move forward. I may find myself with more time for me or my own interests than I ever had, hence, I need to allow the growth that widowhood offers. I found the seventh aspect of this section especially important. It gives helpful general suggestions on widowhood: being careful about what advice I accept from others, or how to make a plan for becoming and remaining healthy. I also found the advise of postponing important decisions for the first several months helpful. The eighth aspect deals with that time when it starts to feel better. Occasionally, the grief bursts do come but they aren't as bad as they used to be. The hope here is that every year brings more healing, and that as time continues we are wrapped in loving memories. The last aspect of this section is on wholeness. Widowhood can become the time in our lives when we have the time and opportunity to develop and establish who we are. It's about saying I have the opportunity to find this being alone either positive or negative. It may be through meditation or time for simply allowing peace to come to me. Here, I found the authors recommendations based on their own experiences particularly helpful.
On the other hand, the spiritual section tackles the issue of how a Christian woman grieves. It offers scripture verses that deal with the emotions we are experiencing like anger. The Christian woman is reminded in the moments when we feel most alone, we can be comforted by the knowledge that God is with us and wants to hear anything we want to tell Him. There is comfort to be found reading the Bible, strength to be found worshipping God, praising Him. It can help a lot to find a loving church family to support our growing or new faith.
I definitely found the guide resourceful. It also acknowledges and includes works by other experts such as Dr Elizabeth Kubler Ross who proposed stages of the grieving process as earlier mentioned. Or Kevin Ramsay who offers many ideas for life change, goal planning and building a life which promotes happiness and well-being. On the section on spiritual well-being, it has some helpful and uplifting verses taken from the New King James version of the Bible. Another feature I found helpful is the journal entries. These are excerpts of real-life journal entries shared by others going through similar pain.
In conclusion, I found the level of help and information in this book outstanding. It speaks to you individually, offering positive suggestions on a change in life that is drastic and that takes time and energy to adjust to. The book also seems to be professionally formatted and edited. I only came across a minor formatting issue on location 549 on the kindle version, and three minor typo and grammatical errors that didn't distract from the reading. I highly recommend this book to widows, and to the general reader so that they can know how to support and relate to widows better. As a result of reading the book, I am a better person in terms of controlling and expressing my emotions, relating to others and my spiritual wellness. I award the book 4 out of 4 stars. And like the authors, it is my hope the book provides help during this time of loss, and my prayer that healing will come as one reads and applies the suggestions offered.
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Help for widows
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