5 out of 5 stars
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According to the American Psychological Association, almost 50% of marriages in the United States end in divorce. Relationships are vital tenets of our beings yet very complex in equal measure. They are difficult to nurture and maintain; that's no secret. We all wish for a simple directive or advice that would work for everyone in making our men and women happy. Unfortunately, such a directive just doesn't exist. This book, S.T.R.O.N.G. by Kristal DeSantis is the closest thing I've seen to a manual and a guide to having a healthy and happy relationship. While she writes it specifically for men, women will also find this book insightful and helpful.
Kristal is a couples therapist, and she uses her experience and knowledge to present readers with what she believes are the building blocks to having great modern relationships. She introduces the book by addressing the changes that relationships have undergone over the years. The author discusses the expectations and roles from the past and how they have changed. She concludes that introduction by boldly stating the qualities of a healthy relationship. These are safety, trust, respect, openness, nurturing, and generosity. She then uses the chapters that follow to discuss these qualities in depth. She gives solid advice on several aspects of marriage, outlining the dos and don'ts with reasonable explanations. Also included are stories from her experiences with clients and a pregame section, which gives a summary and points to note from each chapter.
Therapists have a way with their tone that is so reassuring and empathetic. On that, this book scored excellently. I felt like I was conversing with Kristal throughout my reading experience. We had a relaxed conversation, and she understood my relationship experiences. She could diagnose my problems through the book and address them precisely and accurately. She handles delicate and confusing issues with so much care and expertise. I'll give a personal example. I've always had problems with relationships, and even with different partners, I've realized that our fights are always the same, and I've convinced myself I am the problem. I've always been hard on myself for my impatience and anger, and this book did help me see these from a different perspective. If I forget everything I've read here, I will remember this line; "You can't hate yourself into being a better version of yourself. You have to love yourself to change." Hopefully, this change of approach will be the first step to getting a solution.
I loved that this book was challenging. It didn't leave me comfortable with my beliefs and actions. It challenged me to think and rethink issues and ideas. I applaud the author's dedication to research. The content in the book is well-researched and well-thought-out, with several references to other authors, books, and even public figures. It could have easily been a boring book full of cliches and boring dating advice, but her knowledge and research made it exceptional. Kristal's style of writing is simple and easy to comprehend. Her descriptions are on-point, and the stories are fascinating. The book was also organized quite well. This precise organization into chapters for each quality makes it much easier to reference.
One thing, though, is that we are in 2023, and relationships are diverse. Kristal completely ignores gay relationships. The book is so good that I wish she had left a word or two on navigating even more complex relationships. But this is probably not her area of expertise, so I won't deduct any points for that.
Given all the accolades this book has earned from me, I give it a perfect rating of five out of five stars. It is relatable, helpful, insightful, and well-written. It was also exceptionally well-edited, as I noticed no errors. I recommend it for everyone in relationships. It is good to avoid getting into issues and is perfect for working your way out of them. This isn't a substitute for therapy for couples, but it is close enough. It can be beneficial if you read it together with your partner. You'll definitely love it.
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S.T.R.O.N.G.
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