Official Review: His Betrayals by Jerry Payne

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Cotwani
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Latest Review: His Betrayals by Jerry Payne

Official Review: His Betrayals by Jerry Payne

Post by Cotwani »

[Following is an official OnlineBookClub.org review of "His Betrayals" by Jerry Payne.]
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1 out of 4 stars
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In its current state, His Betrayals by Jerry Payne is a book that requires much restraint to complete wading through. Its description enticed me, but just 5 seconds into it, I was wondering what I got myself into. Wouldn’t you feel the same if you met five errors in the opening paragraph, and five more on the first page alone?

The lack of professional editing is just the tip of an iceberg, however. The author has crammed so much into the book that the reader has to chase the plot the world over and back! It is like being made to abandon one bandwagon and jump onto another, and yet another, before catching a glimpse of the initial bandwagon!

The plot starts with the protagonist, Kyle Stone, in the midst of a business betrayal by close colleagues. Then follows some Spiritism, effectively leaving a court order hanging in the balance. Next, there is coercion that results in his success on a different front. Oh, and at some point, his revered heritage also comes into play, according him amazing privileges. Bandwagon-jumping, right?

It would take a very ingenious plot to smoothly juggle a hostile business takeover, witchcraft, mafia, and folklore. Unfortunately, Payne’s writing is simplistic. In the world he creates, greedy intentions can be recanted by clever threats. This being the case, he couldn’t pull off such complicated juggling. The result? Half-baked hanging threads and an overall incredulous plot.

Nevertheless, save for the grammar, the storyline’s elaborate and far-flung challenges with simple solutions could get the attention of tweens and younger teens who care more for action than practicality. Being also that this is the age children start eating like an army, Payne's detailed descriptions of meals and expensive wine selection would hit the right chord.

The book is written in the third-person perspective, using erroneously mixed tenses! Run-on sentences, punctuation, and spelling mistakes complete the ensemble. Conversations are stilted and much too formal, even between lovers. Reactions are bland and often incredulous. To cap it, the characters are shallow. Imagine, even Kyle never outgrows being a victim of circumstances! I suspect English is not the author’s first language, so he was limited in his eloquent-expression ability. If so, a professional editor is an invaluable resource he should consider.

Payne’s attempt at shifting timelines in his narration also failed. He couldn't correctly meld any two timelines he tried to work with, leaving more confusion in his wake. Can you imagine not knowing when a flashback rejoins present time narration?

I tried so hard to uncover something appealing in this book, but the odds just seemed stacked against it. On my reader, even the formatting was annoying. Each page had two columns and identifying successive columns called for conscious effort. I had never realized that just being able to scroll from one page to the next is a luxury.

While rating this book 1 out of 4 stars, I reiterate that it can be redeemed. First, thorough professional editing is needed. Then, if the author still wants to accommodate all his impressive imagination, he should consider breaking the plot into two or so books. Finally, how about a simple chronological recounting in place of the disastrous shifting timelines he tried?

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His Betrayals
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Post by xoxoAnushka »

I can feel you. I wish the book should have edited professionally. Great review!

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Latest Review: His Betrayals by Jerry Payne

Post by Cotwani »

xoxoAnushka wrote: ↑
22 Jan 2020, 15:20
I can feel you. I wish the book should have edited professionally. Great review!
Indeed! Thanks for stopping by and commenting.
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Post by MsTri »

Ouch! Sounds like the book itself was a betrayal! Sadly, I can totally empathize, having read some hot messes myself, during my time here.

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Post by Charl2004 »

I had to stop by this 1 star review to see what led to it. I must commend you for trudging through to the end of what appeared to be a torturous read in order to provide such a thorough review.

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Post by Cotwani »

MsTri wrote: ↑
24 Jan 2020, 22:17
Ouch! Sounds like the book itself was a betrayal! Sadly, I can totally empathize, having read some hot messes myself, during my time here.
:lol: ! You got that right - the book was a betrayal! Thanks for stopping by and commenting.
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Post by Cotwani »

Charl2004 wrote: ↑
25 Jan 2020, 02:18
I had to stop by this 1 star review to see what led to it. I must commend you for trudging through to the end of what appeared to be a torturous read in order to provide such a thorough review.
You bet, it was a long trudge!! Thanks a lot for stopping by and leaving a comment.
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Post by Moonbroch+Asterock »

This sounds like another case of "bookfishing," where they draw you in with a cool cover or an awesome plot but then the actual content is a mediocre mess. Thanks for the warning, you just saved me from reading it!

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Post by AvidBibliophile »

It sounds like a real bandwagon scavenger hunt; performed blind, while also trying to recite the alphabet backwards! Some ideas are great in theory but too convoluted in execution to be remotely comprehensible. Thank you for sharing your impressions!

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Post by Ekta Swarnkar »

Too bad that it was not an entertainer. I could feel your pain. Btw, thanks for letting me know that this is a book I should not choose. Good Review!
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Latest Review: His Betrayals by Jerry Payne

Post by Cotwani »

AvidBibliophile wrote: ↑
26 Jan 2020, 02:43
It sounds like a real bandwagon scavenger hunt; performed blind, while also trying to recite the alphabet backwards! Some ideas are great in theory but too convoluted in execution to be remotely comprehensible. Thank you for sharing your impressions!
:lol: :x
Precisely!

Thanks for stopping by and commenting!
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Cotwani
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Latest Review: His Betrayals by Jerry Payne

Post by Cotwani »

Ekta Swarnkar wrote: ↑
26 Jan 2020, 03:18
Too bad that it was not an entertainer. I could feel your pain. Btw, thanks for letting me know that this is a book I should not choose. Good Review!
Unless you don't usually mind a convoluted plot and lots of errors, this book, in its current state, will frustrate you!

Thank you for stopping by and commenting.
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Post by Julius_ »

It's so unfortunate that the book was that annoying. Thanks for the honest review. I'll pass this one.
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Post by Cotwani »

Right, its quite unfortunate. Thanks for stopping by and commenting
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Post by espo »

You made a good point to advise the author about finding an editor and breaking the plot up into different books. Thanks for your honest review!
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