"Motherhood"

Use this forum to discuss the September 2020 Book of the month, " "Kalayla" by Jeannie Nicholas.
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Suzer6440 xyz
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Re: "Motherhood"

Post by Suzer6440 xyz »

Motherhood comes with no handbook!! As others, we constantly question ourselves and have regrets.... I appreciate how the ladies in the book all do the best that they can. They take on different roles and actions when dealing with life as a mother
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Gabby S14
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Post by Gabby S14 »

Adu Boahene wrote: 11 Sep 2020, 01:26 Motherhood is a blessing and a curse at the same time. It brings about pride and comes with a different form of maturation. Not all children are the same. Some are very easy to deal with, others, it will only take a miracle for them to be tamed. Most often, it's not about what the mother is doing wrong, but rather the environment in which they find themselves. For example, there was no father figure in Kalayla's life. That can be a factor for her rebellion. Mostly it's single parents who suffer the most because the other partner is absent and not in the picture so it puts all the pressure on the existing one. At times the weight gets too heavy, unbearable and the frustration is released onto the kids. Or the child might be going through something personally, and with no one to share the problem with who can relate, it then manifests in their actions. The questions that arises after can only be answered after critical analysis of the situation. It might be it's too late there's no way to fix anything, or just give them time to come around, or try to be in their sight as much as possible even if they don't want to see you. Better yet, try to realize where you went wrong, maybe your speech might have been offensive or you had no time for them and try to spend as much time as you can making it up to them. Proper communication is important but if none is willing to open up. The relationship won't work. Mothers should be open minded no matter what, a child must be able to relate to their parents on a more personal level, share everything without fear. If these things are put in place, the child going wayward is less likely to occur.
Beautifully put! I love how you mention the added strain on Maureen of being a single mother. Parenting is hard. Doing it on your own is way harder. Luckily, there are people you can often find and rely on for backup. But most importantly, it is crucial for mothers to communicate well with their children. Children are their own people, and while they may need adult supervision to aid them on the right path, they will usually be more willing to seek your advice if you treat them with dignity rather than distance.
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Gabby S14
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Post by Gabby S14 »

One of the things that stuck with me after the story was how Maureen was able to realize how her mother was not as perfect as she thought she was. She had put her mother on a pedestal, and when her mom disowned her, it shattered Maureen's world in more ways than one. She was without a mother, but she was also realizing that her mother was a flawed person. This realization caused her a lot of pain through the years, but I'm very happy that she was able to reconcile with the fact that parents are humans and all humans are messy. Kalayla also learned this when Lena helped her to reconcile with her own mother after Kalyala ran away. It all comes down to open communication and realizing that people are complicated and sometimes cause unnecessary pain that they justify with their beliefs. So, while there is no one-size-fits-all advice for good mothers, there is still a general principle of trying to be an open-minded and considerate person towards your kids and towards those around you. Kids are smart, and they will value your opinions more if they see that you are not infallible/untouchable.
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Post by Mys_Trea »

Although some mothers might disagree, I don't think there is any mom that is perfect. It's a trial and error type of thing, and although you often wish you could do better on certain areas, it's important for moms to be more patient and forgiving with themselves. Lena did great in that she identified a challenge and she did her best to help a fellow mom. She did so with tact and without judgement. Good on her. The world needs more people like her.
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Post by Dzejn_Crvena »

Laura Mich wrote: 16 Sep 2020, 06:38 Children cannot understand the sacrifices their parents make until they're parents themselves. Kalayla does not perceive the sacrifices that Maureen make in bid to secure her a better future, rather she sees her mother's absenteeism.
In my country, it saddens me to see some children who became troublemakers and blamed it on their parents (who worked hard outside the country to provide for the basic needs of these children).
It's like they were intentionally making trouble just to get the attention of their providers, for the latter to care for them face-to-face.
I guess these kids prefer "physical touch" and "quality time" over "gift-giving" or "acts of service" as their love language.
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Post by Michelle Menezes »

Mys_Trea wrote: 26 May 2021, 15:04 Although some mothers might disagree, I don't think there is any mom that is perfect. It's a trial and error type of thing, and although you often wish you could do better on certain areas, it's important for moms to be more patient and forgiving with themselves. Lena did great in that she identified a challenge and she did her best to help a fellow mom. She did so with tact and without judgement. Good on her. The world needs more people like her.
I couldn't agree more. Every parenting style is different and they modify their approach as per the personality of their kids. Most parents try to do the best for their kids, but there's no hard and fast rule as to what should be done. The most important thing is the love and care they provide, so that the kids know they're wanted.
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Allen Cheque wrote: 11 Sep 2020, 13:25 In my opinion, motherhood is always challenging. Generally, parenting a child is not an easy task and comes with various hurdles and challenges. Almost all parents wish they could have done better in raising their kids and that's how Lena felt. She regretted how she raised her four and so wanted to help Maureen raise Kalayla the right way. That was commendable.
I agree. I think there's no such thing as 'perfect mother'. Raising children is no easy feat. All along the process you wonder if you're doing it right and you think about the things you could have done better. Everyone makes mistakes. What's important is to recognise those mistakes and to make amends.
Life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably, and never regret anything that made you smile."
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Post by Nathaniel Owolabi »

I am a young man and I don't plan on becoming a father anytime soon. However, just thinking about the prospect sometimes scares me. I can only imagine what mothership through especially a single mother like Maureen. I have a lot of respect for mothers for this reason
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Post by DyanaFl »

I think the most important inference you can make is motherhood is definitely NOT easy. There are certainly common mistakes you make but each situation is unique, there's always the feeling of 'I could have done that different'. Although that applies to everything, its particularly evident in this case. Maureen tried her best, whether that was a good thing or not is another matter. Lena messed up in her role but being in her shoes, you can never know for sure what step you would take. I guess the best you can do is pretty much just try your best.
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Post by J Edwards »

Raising children is a demanding and challenging job. While we view children as blessings, they also come with their own set of responsibilities. I totally understand how some people today choose to be child-free their entire lives.
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Post by 19blueofficial »

I agree. Motherhood is a lifetime responsibility. The whole book was about being a mother. Something linked Maureen and Lena together and that had to do with being a mother so I definitely agree with you.
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Post by Rizki Pradana »

Motherhood was something that isn't easy to be done because Maureen has to work to support Kalayla's future, which resulted in Lena who can help Maureen because of her past regrets and to make sure that Kalayla become a better person.
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Post by Akangbe Opeyemi »

Motherhood is not an easy task. What works for a particular child might not work for the other, what works for a family might not work for another. It is sometimes like a gamble, you might succeed and you might fail.
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Post by Chinazo Anozie »

Aishwarya Chhabra wrote: 10 Sep 2020, 15:14 Motherhood plays a more prominent role in Kalayla. Maureen faces the daily challenge and complexity of raising Kalayla on her own. Their tempestuous mother-daughter relationship triggers uneasy memories and regrets in Lena about the way she raised her own four boys. At some point while raising their kids, many mothers like Lena and Maureen, ask themselves: What could I or what should I have done differently? And what do I do now?
What can be the inferences?
I'm not a mother so I don't know how much of a qualification I have for answering this question, but I do have a mother, and she basically raised me up as a single mother. It definitely couldn't have been easy for my mom (and she raised 5 children to adulthood) so I truly was very impatient with Maureen overlooking her 11 year old daughter and being so much of a scatterbrain. If not for Lena's timely intervention with Kalayla, Lord knows what would have happened to an 11 year old girl with a smart mouth and always wandering the streets by herself.
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Post by Manas Ranjan Mishra »

Being a mother is a most difficult task. Maureen was even a single mother which doubles the difficulty. In every moment we all feel that we could have done things better. But at the end of the day ,that love and care eliminates all the shortcomings.
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