Are The Parent To Blame?

Use this forum to discuss the September 2020 Book of the month, " "Kalayla" by Jeannie Nicholas.
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Deval Sodha
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Re: Are The Parent To Blame?

Post by Deval Sodha »

I believe parenting is a journey.
There is no perfect way of parenting.
As all parents and kids are different, they need to deal with it differently.
Ofcourse parents love their kids the most so they give the best to them as per their ability and understanding.
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Dartemis
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Post by Dartemis »

I think it is a mix of both. Parents need to teach their children what is right and wrong. However, I think when it comes to certain situations, it is best to let the children learn by themselves. Sometimes it turns out alright. Other times not so much.
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Post by leiabutler »

Parents always have a such an enormous impact on children. Whether they are absent or present, good or bad, the children's lives will always be affected by them.
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Post by TheMazeRunner »

Sometimes it is the parents' fault if child becomes a bad person. I think that every parent often wonders if he/she is doing okay. But every child is the story for themselves. Parents should do as much as possible to make their child wise one day. I think Kalayla turned out okay in the end, thanks to Lena.
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Post by zainherb »

Lilyflower-x2 wrote: 07 Sep 2020, 01:31
Joseph_ngaruiya wrote: 05 Sep 2020, 00:05
AntonelaMaria wrote: 04 Sep 2020, 12:22 Is that what every parent ask themselves all the time. Am I doing okay? Am I making the same mistakes as my parents? Everybody does them. The mistakes I mean. It is hard for me to judge the choices they made. I think Kalaya turned out just fine. You also have Jamal and what is his brother name I forgot, two sons raised by the same parents and in the same environment that turned out differently. Then you have four kids that Lena had that are raised in domestic abused household. Soemtimes you just roll with what you get. I wouldn't put blame on anyone but they certainly had an impact, together with other sources.
Clarence is the name you forgot. I see you narrowed it down to an individual level. To some point, I'd say everyone is responsible for their own decisions. Okay, parents may also have something to do with it, but you ought to choose how you respond to it. But then, how does a child grow without doing the awful things he/she sees or those that have been taught by their parents?
Very true Joseph. As adults, we have to take responsibilities of our actions. Parents play a role in developing a child's character but once the child is an adult, they have a choice to be better or worse.
Absolutely.
It is true that children learn how to behave from observing their parents behave. For a while, a child might develop any character on autopilot(good or bad), without realising this.
Part of adulthood marked by growth, however, is becoming self aware enough to unlearn the traits you don't want and learn the traits you do want.
To become the kind of person you would like to be.
At this point, it is out of your parents' hands.

In other words, it is not your parents' fault.
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Post by cydnas »

Parents typically shoulder the outcomes of their children. So it would be no surprise for them to blame themselves but I believe some things are out of their control. In this case, they should not be entirely blamed.
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Post by Eriny Youssef »

Christieee wrote: 07 Sep 2020, 08:01 Parenting is difficult. A parent could do everything within their power for their child, but something unexpected could always happen. As a parent though, you love your child regardless. This, I think, can also be applied all the relationships explored in the book. Lena loved her boys, but her love was not enough. Unexpected things can always happen.
Couldn't agree more. Even love isn't enough a guarantee the children won't be hurt. I guess it all comes down to awareness and the ability to change for the sake of others' wellbeing.
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Post by Eriny Youssef »

Twylla wrote: 12 Sep 2020, 09:50 I have seen children grow up in the same home where one was never a problem and the other was nothing but rebellious. God created a perfect world for Adam and Eve, and they still made poor decisions. King David was called by God to be the King of Israel, but he committed adultery and murder. There are no guarantees that being a good parent will result in good children.

I think they all did the best they could based on their life experience, and that is all you can expect from people.
I think it's not something that can be generalists. Some people are more tolerant to things that others aren't. Some get hurt by things that others don't.
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Post by ElizaBeth Adams »

I believe the parents are partially to blame. Maureen was doing the best she could considering she needed to work through her own grief and work lots of hours to provide for Kalayla. I wouldn't assign much blame to her, though I think she could have set up better boundaries so Kalayla wasn't wandering all over town. Joey certainly had a negative impact on his sons. Lena regretted giving up on her sons. If she had persisted in raising her sons the way she saw fit, they may not have gotten into as much trouble as they had. However, I empathize with the situation Lena was in. I blame Maureen's parents for abandoning her.
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Post by Wekesa Namuyonga »

Parenting is new everyday and as day goes by you learn something new. It is an adventurous journey. Every parent wants the best their kids that is the most important thing but mistakes are always there so you learn from experience
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Post by PeterRabitt20 »

Parents nurture their children from the start. The children learn by watching and imitating. So, I do think parents are responsible for the actions of their children to a certain extent. I'd probably blame Joey and Maureen's parents the most. Lena, Jamal, and Maureen seemed to bring up their children in the circumstances given to them.
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Post by Amber_joslyn »

I think that this is a hard question to answer. Every child is a product of their environment, but why do some children struggle more than others even within the same environment? I think that parents and their way of parenting obviously affect the personality and behavior of a child. Behavior is learned. Whether that's the same behavior as the parents or not, children are incredibly smart and pick up on the littlest things. I'm not sure if I like the question about whether they nurtured their children properly..I think that they did the best they could with what they given.
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Post by Swirliegirlie »

Whoa great point you made! There were so many parenting tactics I didn’t agree with in this book, but I do all feel like they were doing their best. Being a parent is hard and if you don’t set yourself up for success in the beginning, you will end up with struggles. I don’t care what parent character you choose from this book, they all had some issues. But if each parent was healthy enough in their own mentality to be able to only spill love and attention to their children, I think they would of fared much better than portrayed in this book.
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Post by kmteter26 »

I think we have to remember that our parents were our age only a short time ago. They’re still someone else’s kids and always will be. No human being is perfect and therefore no parent is perfect. I think Maureen’s parents actions obviously had an affect of Maureen’s ability to communicate with her daughter because she didn’t want Kalayla to feel the same social hatred that Jamal did. I also don’t think that if Maureen had told Kalayla the truth when she was still a toddler, that Kalayla would have been any different as a young teenager. I believe we’re born with the bulk of our personalities. Although our parents have great influence over us, ultimately, every individual can decide to be a certain way whenever they want. Every individual has the power to change themselves, so I don’t think society should put so much blame on parents all the time.
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Post by scaryeyes_25 »

Yes and no. I think character building starts at home. But also, how I child grew depends on many factors. Environment, opportunities, and self-awareness can affect how a child view life. In the end, we can only blame ourselves for how we cope with things life throws at us. We can be raised by the same parents, but the influences that we have outside the house can be different. Thus making us mature differently.
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