Official Review: Primeval Origins by B.A. Vonsik

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hsimone
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Official Review: Primeval Origins by B.A. Vonsik

Post by hsimone » 29 Dec 2017, 12:24

[Following is an official OnlineBookClub.org review of "Primeval Origins" by B.A. Vonsik.]
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2 out of 4 stars
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In the midst of a paleontology dig in Bolivia, South America, the crew discovers something remarkable. Something that could potentially answer the ultimate question – were humans alive when dinosaurs were?

Just as quickly, the reader is transported back in time and gets to know young Rogaan, who is excited for his first Hunt. He wants nothing more than to prove he can be part of the Kiuri-Ner, a protector of the outer walls and road ways. In this Hunt, he might be able to do so. However, when battling enormous creatures and learning about a government take over, Rogaan realizes that life as he once knew has been completely turned upside down. Come follow Rogaan as he tries to grasp what his world is really like in B.A. Vonsik’s Primeval Origins.

Let’s start with the description of the book, which was somewhat misleading. Perhaps the author intends to further explain the origin story of mankind, but this is not the sense I got from this read. The society in which most of the book takes place seems like a fairly developed one that has been around for years. There are leaders, laws, and ways to train the younger generation. Yes, there is mention of big, wild creatures that the reader can assume are dinosaurs, but it was just a few scenes while the majority of the book is Rogaan and others running from place to place.

Written in the third-person narrative, the reader is given an inside look into Rogaan’s mind. He is a likable and relatable character, who shows some growth by the end of the book; this I really appreciated. Unfortunately, most of the secondary characters didn’t stand out. I could easily remember certain characters for the roles they played throughout the novel, but some simply blended with one another. It did not help that the author choose a large number of complex names. For example, Tusaa’Ner, Anubda’Ner, Anubda’Za, Zagdu-i-Kuzu, and more were used. To add to the confusion, uncommonly-named animals, such as, niisku, tanniyn, featherwings, leapers, and others were also included. Most times, the author did give a short description for these people and animals, but there were so many, it was quite challenging to keep up.

I found the scenes where Rogaan and others were confronting the enormous, dangerous creatures the most entertaining. Within these scenes, the author gives his audience a taste of what it could have been like if humans and dinosaurs coexisted. These scenes, though, were few and far between.

The writing style and plot flow could been improved. Within the text, the author told his scenes, rather than showed them. Every feeling was stated, every thought was said, and every inference was told. Showing, not telling doesn’t mean the book needs to remain a mystery for the reader, but perhaps if the focus of complexity was done in the showing aspect rather than producing an overwhelming amount of uncommon words, then this would have been a more thought-provoking story. Due to this style, the plot did not flow very well. There were several overly-described scenes. It became really frustrating when scenes that should have had the adrenaline going were bogged down with too many details. This led to some choppiness and disruption while reading.

Lastly, there were several errors throughout. Apostrophes in odd places, words with extra spaces in between them, run-on sentences, and inconsistent hyphen usage were found. One of example of inconsistent hyphen usage would be in the following phrases: “black cloaked rider”, “black-cloaked rider”, and “black- cloaked rider”. These phrases were used within a couple of pages of each other. Errors, of course, can interrupt the flow and this book was no exception.

After much consideration, I give Primeval Origins a 2 out of 4 stars. For those who enjoy low fantasy books and don’t mind the usage of uncommon names, you might find some enjoyment here. For those who would like more fantasy, less character confusion, and more of an origin story, you might want to pass on this one.

******
Primeval Origins
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Post by kandscreeley » 02 Jan 2018, 08:45

I dislike when authors try to tell instead of showing. That really does slow the story down. It's too bad that the blurb was misleading as well. That really is an important aspect of any book. Thanks for the information. It was a lovely review as always!
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Post by Sarah Tariq » 02 Jan 2018, 10:46

A very good, critical review. This archeological book has bit resemblance with strong heart as writers of both books show unusual interest in archeology. You can also check my reviews.
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Post by bookowlie » 02 Jan 2018, 10:48

Very insightful review! The premise of the book seems so intriguing. It's a shame that the story wasn't executed well on a few different levels. When a plot doesn't flow well, it often becomes hard to understand. Also, the complex names would confuse me since it would be difficult for me to remember who's who. Glad you were able to enjoy some parts of the story.
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Post by Kat Berg » 02 Jan 2018, 14:56

Telling the scene, rather than showing it, is one of my pet peeves with authors, and somehow seems to be the hardest thing for some to change. It is very hard to get into the story when you are constantly kept on the outside by the way the story is told. Add to that all the weird names, etc. and it is likely I will give this one a pass. Thanks for the review.

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Post by hsimone » 03 Jan 2018, 03:28

kandscreeley wrote:
02 Jan 2018, 08:45
I dislike when authors try to tell instead of showing. That really does slow the story down. It's too bad that the blurb was misleading as well. That really is an important aspect of any book. Thanks for the information. It was a lovely review as always!
Thank you, kandscreeley! I was so excited for exploring how humans and dinosaurs could have been introduced to each other and expected there to be more interaction between the two species. It's too bad because this had such potential to be more. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. :)
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Post by hsimone » 03 Jan 2018, 03:31

Sarah Tariq wrote:
02 Jan 2018, 10:46
A very good, critical review. This archeological book has bit resemblance with strong heart as writers of both books show unusual interest in archeology. You can also check my reviews.
Thank you, Sarah Tariq! That's an interesting point you made between the two books. I didn't care for that one either.
As a side note, we don't request members to look at our personal reviews. :tiphat:
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Post by hsimone » 03 Jan 2018, 03:37

bookowlie wrote:
02 Jan 2018, 10:48
Very insightful review! The premise of the book seems so intriguing. It's a shame that the story wasn't executed well on a few different levels. When a plot doesn't flow well, it often becomes hard to understand. Also, the complex names would confuse me since it would be difficult for me to remember who's who. Glad you were able to enjoy some parts of the story.
Thank you, bookowlie! It is such an intriguing premise that has a lot of promise. It looks like this one is the first of a series, so hopefully, there are some improvements made for the next one!
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Post by hsimone » 03 Jan 2018, 03:40

Kat Berg wrote:
02 Jan 2018, 14:56
Telling the scene, rather than showing it, is one of my pet peeves with authors, and somehow seems to be the hardest thing for some to change. It is very hard to get into the story when you are constantly kept on the outside by the way the story is told. Add to that all the weird names, etc. and it is likely I will give this one a pass. Thanks for the review.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, Kat Berg. I think you're right - telling, rather than showing is probably one of the hardest things for some to understand and carry out. I remember teaching my students this and it was hard to change their mindsets. Once they did grasp the concept, their writing improved so much! :)
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Post by Ryth » 04 Jan 2018, 01:58

I was confused until the end about the way the book started but I think the final chapter gave me a clue. White Gold Wielder? The rest of the book is a rousing good story. Characterization is excellent. However, I felt like slapping the hero in the face a number of times and telling him quit being so dense.

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Post by Yolimari » 04 Jan 2018, 02:30

I also prefer when writers show instead of tell the readers. Sounds like there is too much going on against this book, including the editing. Thanks for the honest review!
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Post by hsimone » 05 Jan 2018, 03:28

Ryth wrote:
04 Jan 2018, 01:58
I was confused until the end about the way the book started but I think the final chapter gave me a clue. White Gold Wielder? The rest of the book is a rousing good story. Characterization is excellent. However, I felt like slapping the hero in the face a number of times and telling him quit being so dense.
Are you referring to this book or White Gold Wielder?
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Post by hsimone » 05 Jan 2018, 03:41

Yolimari wrote:
04 Jan 2018, 02:30
I also prefer when writers show instead of tell the readers. Sounds like there is too much going on against this book, including the editing. Thanks for the honest review!
I also prefer the showing, not telling. Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts! :)
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Post by obiora111 » 06 Jan 2018, 04:10

Thank you all for your sincere review about this book.. I love to read adventurous and story book but I don't like getting myself confused at the middle of the story due to complexity.. thanks for the information. :techie-reference:

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Post by inaramid » 06 Jan 2018, 09:58

This is an excellent review! I got a sense of what the story was like as well as how the story was structured as a whole. I had to laugh at the names. Sometimes, I feel like authors rely on weird names as a crutch to establish the "cultural atmosphere" or the time period. I consider this a bad sign, and your "telling-not-showing" comment is the final nail in the coffin. I'm going to pass on this one.

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