Lessons on relationships and marriage from the main protagonist

[Sheila_Jay]

Marriage might or might not work is the biggest lesson of all. But I think being the bigger person and accepting you are wrong is what I take with me. All the four men have different paths when it comes to marriage and relationships meaning our destinies are different, we just have to live with it.

I think people often believe that a marriage must always work when that is not always the case which makes that a great lesson that people can pick from this book. A lot of times challenges arise because neither the husband or the wife is ready to own up to a mistake; but if that happens more often then I believe marriage can be best thing for many couples.

[DorcasToo]

Marriage might or might not work is the biggest lesson of all. But I think being the bigger person and accepting you are wrong is what I take with me. All the four men have different paths when it comes to marriage and relationships meaning our destinies are different, we just have to live with it.

I think people often believe that a marriage must always work when that is not always the case which makes that a great lesson that people can pick from this book. A lot of times challenges arise because neither the husband or the wife is ready to own up to a mistake; but if that happens more often then I believe marriage can be best thing for many couples.

I totally agree with you on this one and I think denial is the major contributor of unhappy marriages. And it creates a longer chain that may lead to abuse and mental instability.

[Magnify3]

The narrator and Rachel behaved like they signed a contract, so they followed some rules and expected the marriage to work. They didn't seem aware that a relationship changes in time, so the spouses need to keep "in synch" if they want it to keep on working. Communications seemed quite poor in their marriage.

You really hit the nail on the head. The communication between the narrator and Rachael was poor. They really needed to find a way to make things work.

[Sheila_Jay]

I think the concept of self sacrifice as a required marital element needs a serious going over. Spouses should be doing what they do for each other because it makes them happy, not because it's oart of the "Relationship Rulebook."

This is a great advice and as someone who is married, I will always try and bear this in mind at all times. Thanks!

[dhwanis]

I did not really think on these lines. I do believe that traditional marriage roles no longer have a place in modern marriage, in order to be happy, people need to form their own rules.

[Magnify3]

The main protagonist has a divorce, Daniel suffers a separation, Sam feels he is floating and Alec needs counseling before he could commit. What lessons can we draw from their relationships?

Daniel at least took some thought to listening to his wife and working things out while the main protagonist was more eager to finish a man mission than face his relationship problem. One has to be ready to admit and face ones problems head on than run from them.

[ciecheesemeister]

I think that communication breakdown was the biggest factor in the relationship issues. The partners kept their dissatisfaction to themselves, hoping that things would get better, which they did not.

[HarryPotterLibrary22]

I think that communication breakdown was the biggest factor in the relationship issues. The partners kept their dissatisfaction to themselves, hoping that things would get better, which they did not.

Communication is key! This was a real take out for me from this book. Not just within marriages but within friendships as well because once the men began to share with each other things became easier to deal with.

[Juliana_Isabella]

I feel that if he forced the relationship by staying in the home during counseling, it may have had a different effect.

I definitely agree with this. I liked that the author showed both negative and positive relationship development through the protagonist's and Daniel's relationships.

[Melissa Breen]

I felt like the male characters took a lot for granted when it came to their significant others and I'm not surprised at all that the relationships fell apart.

[Lisa A Rayburn]

There really are men who make up ideal women rules. My baby brother shared his with me after he graduated college and was in the market for a bride. I told him to let the perfect woman find HIM, not to use an inflexible yardstick. His first marriage (according to the rules) ended in disaster. His second wife found him, guess where? Barnes and Noble! I thought the bookclub might get a kick out of this.

That's an interesting insight... I mean, besides establishing the importance of bookclubs... seriously, people and relationships can't be measured with a ruler. Thinking about this novel convinced me even more that in relationships a real connection is crucial, and that's something intangible.

I think it also shows that no number of "rules" are going to help if the couple don't have things in common that they can focus on together. I think that was missing. The 'man mission' was the end-all, furthering their relationships with their friends. What were they doing to further their relationships with their significant others?

[NetMassimo]

That's an interesting insight... I mean, besides establishing the importance of bookclubs... seriously, people and relationships can't be measured with a ruler. Thinking about this novel convinced me even more that in relationships a real connection is crucial, and that's something intangible.

I think it also shows that no number of "rules" are going to help if the couple don't have things in common that they can focus on together. I think that was missing. The 'man mission' was the end-all, furthering their relationships with their friends. What were they doing to further their relationships with their significant others?

Their relationship rules didn't include the need to further their relationships so they thought they had done enough already. Sad, as they had no clue about growing as a couple.

[Falconcrest]

I think it was quite obvious for the protagonist, when Rachel was overwhelmed by the day to day running of the home. The protagonist was also stressed out with work and financial related issues. They drifted apart and maybe, they should have tried a brief separation. While seeking counseling on the side, Like it was for the case of Daniel and Pam.

[Erin Painter Baker]

I think one of the biggest lessons is that for generations, we have not taught men how to process their feelings. We have left all the emotional work of maintaining relationships on women. These men were prototypical college boys for so much of their lives. The bigger surprise was any of them being willing to go to therapy. Especially since the point of the book is to talk about the "man missions" where the men basically have to out "man" each other, I feel like the biggest lesson is that friendship is important, but even good friendships can have toxic elements.

[Chipochashe]

Daniel at least took some thought to listening to his wife and working things out while the main protagonist was more eager to finish a man mission than face his relationship problem. One has to be ready to admit and face ones problems head on than run from them.
[/quote]

That is true. Running away from a problem does not solve it.