I think people often believe that a marriage must always work when that is not always the case which makes that a great lesson that people can pick from this book. A lot of times challenges arise because neither the husband or the wife is ready to own up to a mistake; but if that happens more often then I believe marriage can be best thing for many couples.DorcasToo wrote: ↑11 Jan 2020, 02:24 Marriage might or might not work is the biggest lesson of all. But I think being the bigger person and accepting you are wrong is what I take with me. All the four men have different paths when it comes to marriage and relationships meaning our destinies are different, we just have to live with it.
Lessons on relationships and marriage from the main protagonist
- Sheila_Jay
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Re: Lessons on relationships and marriage from the main protagonist
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I totally agree with you on this one and I think denial is the major contributor of unhappy marriages. And it creates a longer chain that may lead to abuse and mental instability.Sheila_Jay wrote: ↑14 Jan 2020, 15:01I think people often believe that a marriage must always work when that is not always the case which makes that a great lesson that people can pick from this book. A lot of times challenges arise because neither the husband or the wife is ready to own up to a mistake; but if that happens more often then I believe marriage can be best thing for many couples.DorcasToo wrote: ↑11 Jan 2020, 02:24 Marriage might or might not work is the biggest lesson of all. But I think being the bigger person and accepting you are wrong is what I take with me. All the four men have different paths when it comes to marriage and relationships meaning our destinies are different, we just have to live with it.
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You really hit the nail on the head. The communication between the narrator and Rachael was poor. They really needed to find a way to make things work.NetMassimo wrote: ↑11 Jan 2020, 02:50 The narrator and Rachel behaved like they signed a contract, so they followed some rules and expected the marriage to work. They didn't seem aware that a relationship changes in time, so the spouses need to keep "in synch" if they want it to keep on working. Communications seemed quite poor in their marriage.
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This is a great advice and as someone who is married, I will always try and bear this in mind at all times. Thanks!
- dhwanis
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Daniel at least took some thought to listening to his wife and working things out while the main protagonist was more eager to finish a man mission than face his relationship problem. One has to be ready to admit and face ones problems head on than run from them.Chipochashe wrote: ↑07 Jan 2020, 13:40 The main protagonist has a divorce, Daniel suffers a separation, Sam feels he is floating and Alec needs counseling before he could commit. What lessons can we draw from their relationships?
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Communication is key! This was a real take out for me from this book. Not just within marriages but within friendships as well because once the men began to share with each other things became easier to deal with.ciecheesemeister wrote: ↑17 Jan 2020, 18:50 I think that communication breakdown was the biggest factor in the relationship issues. The partners kept their dissatisfaction to themselves, hoping that things would get better, which they did not.
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I definitely agree with this. I liked that the author showed both negative and positive relationship development through the protagonist's and Daniel's relationships.
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I think it also shows that no number of "rules" are going to help if the couple don't have things in common that they can focus on together. I think that was missing. The 'man mission' was the end-all, furthering their relationships with their friends. What were they doing to further their relationships with their significant others?NetMassimo wrote: ↑13 Jan 2020, 11:26That's an interesting insight... I mean, besides establishing the importance of bookclubs... seriously, people and relationships can't be measured with a ruler. Thinking about this novel convinced me even more that in relationships a real connection is crucial, and that's something intangible.djr6090 wrote: ↑13 Jan 2020, 11:10
There really are men who make up ideal women rules. My baby brother shared his with me after he graduated college and was in the market for a bride. I told him to let the perfect woman find HIM, not to use an inflexible yardstick. His first marriage (according to the rules) ended in disaster. His second wife found him, guess where? Barnes and Noble! I thought the bookclub might get a kick out of this.
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Their relationship rules didn't include the need to further their relationships so they thought they had done enough already. Sad, as they had no clue about growing as a couple.Kelyn wrote: ↑18 Jan 2020, 21:47I think it also shows that no number of "rules" are going to help if the couple don't have things in common that they can focus on together. I think that was missing. The 'man mission' was the end-all, furthering their relationships with their friends. What were they doing to further their relationships with their significant others?NetMassimo wrote: ↑13 Jan 2020, 11:26
That's an interesting insight... I mean, besides establishing the importance of bookclubs... seriously, people and relationships can't be measured with a ruler. Thinking about this novel convinced me even more that in relationships a real connection is crucial, and that's something intangible.
Massimo
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[/quote]
That is true. Running away from a problem does not solve it.