Was there any way Natalie could justify her feelings for a married man?

Use this forum to discuss the April 2018 Book of the Month, "Ironbark Hill" by Jennie Linnane
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holsam_87
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Re: Was there any way Natalie could justify her feelings for a married man?

Post by holsam_87 » 26 Apr 2018, 00:21

Rameen Shahid wrote:
04 Apr 2018, 11:23
We all know what Natalie did was wrong or in another explanation, unethical, but is it really?
Is there any chance you think Natalie had no bad intentions of stealing Mrs. Grover's man in the first place and that she just couldn't help her feelings in the name of love?
I think at some point, she can justify her feelings because after all, not everyone has a control over their desires, love being the most irresistible one.
Arguably, Natalie's feelings for a married man could stem from the want and need to connect with someone outside her family. She may have also seen the Glover's marriage as ideal too. Plus she kept saying that she had no interest in the local boys her age. Would she have done better if she had gone somewhere like Sydney?
“We’ve all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That’s who we really are.”

—J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

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Post by stalliongirlke » 26 Apr 2018, 04:23

Going after a married man is a big no for me. Nothing justifies it no matter the reason

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Post by Nkoyo25 » 26 Apr 2018, 05:14

When it comes to love, we can't fight it but we can control our emotions. Natalie fell in love with a married man and yes even in the real world, you still see a single young woman in love with a married man. All Natalie needed was a counselor.

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Post by charmaineperit » 27 Apr 2018, 11:32

Yes, she can justify her feelings. But it doesn't make her actions justifiable. A person has minimal control on feelings but a definite control on actions. There's a clear borderline between the two.

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Post by Melissa Coffield » 27 Apr 2018, 12:33

I really enjoyed the book but this part of it I had trouble with. I completely understand her feelings for Bruce but she should have controlled her actions. Really, he was worse because he is the one who was married. He comes across as this irresistible nice guy but really? Look what he is doing to his wife? Is he really a good guy? And then the way the story comes to an end on that subject; Natalie and Rosemary deserve better. But the thing is, if they controlled their actions it wouldn't really make for a good story!
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Post by Cristal2408 » 28 Apr 2018, 20:06

astarnes wrote:
23 Apr 2018, 20:57
You may not be able to stop feelings of love, but you don't have to put acton to your desires. Love doesn't make adultery right.
I agree. Natalie was not able to respect herself enough to take the decision of not acting towards her desire, and taking a decision that would be better for her and everyone in the long run.
Last edited by Cristal2408 on 28 Apr 2018, 21:58, edited 1 time in total.

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Post by NRoach » 28 Apr 2018, 21:30

Cristal2408 wrote:
28 Apr 2018, 20:06
astarnes wrote:
23 Apr 2018, 20:57
You may not be able to stop feelings of love, but you don't have to put acton to your desires. Love doesn't make adultery right.
I agree. Natalie was not able to respect herself enough to take the desition of not acting towards her desire, and taking a desition that would be better for her and everyone in the long run.
Not expecting teenagers to make this kind of decision is the whole point of having age of consent laws. I think it's infinitely more on him than her.

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Post by KaraSkinner » 29 Apr 2018, 07:48

I'm only 80% of the way through so I don't know how the ending plays out, but I think she fell for Mr. Glover because he's the only man aside from her grandfather who's treated her with any kindness and because he's the exact opposite of her stepfather. I do think she should have controlled her desires and been loyal to Mrs. Glover. But I honestly blame Mr. Glover more than Natalie for affair. He's the one who is married so he should have controlled his own urges. It's also not fair to target a young girl in his employ. The power is too unbalanced.

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Post by Amondi Oluoch » 29 Apr 2018, 09:25

Love is blind, so they say.
Natalie had no intentions of stealing Mrs. Grover's man. Let's all be fair here. She felt something for him, fell in love with him, and her love never chose.
So yeah, she could justify herself in the essence of her falling in love.
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Post by revcsn » 29 Apr 2018, 18:27

We have to remember that Natalie loves in a house where abuse is the norm when she is at the Hoover's she sees a loving relationship; she sees how a husband should treat a wife. The question I asked was does she really love Mr. Glover or does she live his kindness, his gentleness, his compassion. When Mr. Glover, the adult, the one with the power in the situation, made the first pass on Natalie, he crossed the line, and moved her crush into the physical realm. Natalie didn't seem to have great depth of feeling for people outside her family. So it didn't bother her to hurt Mrs. Glover, her affair with Mr. Glover suited her life style.

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Post by read2u » 29 Apr 2018, 18:46

But consider the actions by Mr. Grover; seducing a child of sixteen? Wouldn't that be considered pedophilia? Sure, Natalie was taken in by the actions/attention of a male since there didn't seem to be any boys her own age that were interested in her. While her actions cannot be justified, she is not wholly to blame.

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Post by Ashley Louise » 30 Apr 2018, 00:21

I just finished reading this, and I'm torn. I agree that she didn't really have positive influences in her life, and being so young it was harder for her to fully realize just what she was doing, as in the consequences... yes, we can't control how we feel, but, we can control how we act. Can I really blame her? I want to say no... but a big part of me says yes. She KNEW it was wrong, but there are a lot of circumstances that make it hard to condemn her in this. (And it DOES take two to tango!) Very tough call.
"We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be." - Kurt Vonnegut

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Post by Ashley Louise » 30 Apr 2018, 00:22

read2u wrote:
29 Apr 2018, 18:46
But consider the actions by Mr. Grover; seducing a child of sixteen? Wouldn't that be considered pedophilia? Sure, Natalie was taken in by the actions/attention of a male since there didn't seem to be any boys her own age that were interested in her. While her actions cannot be justified, she is not wholly to blame.
My thoughts exactly!
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Post by butterflyinaweb » 30 Apr 2018, 19:47

Seeing as how I am still in love with my ex despite him getting married two years ago. I do agree that you have no control over how you feel but once he asked her to marry him I started walking away when he came my way trying to rekindle what we had. Yes that hurts but if you value yourself you simply don't act on those feelings. If he valued me he wouldn't have risked losing us. I loved that man for 26 years. If I can do that and walk away while it feels like thorny vines are wrapping around my heart and soul. I think it's no longer a matter of can't control her actions because of her feelings but she simply didn't want to.

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Post by Christina Rose » 01 May 2018, 00:06

What Natalie did wasn't right, but I can't bring myself to place all of this blame on her. She was young, yes, but old enough to feel shame and regret. Old enough to stop something she knew was wrong. However, because of everything else in her life, she needed love. It's an absolute shame she found it where she did. I'm not defending her, but I'm not condemning her either. Mr. Glover should have handled himself better. He was older, he was married, he was in a better position to make a rational decision.

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