What is the best way to overcome abuse and trauma?

Use this forum to discuss the April 2018 Book of the Month, "Ironbark Hill" by Jennie Linnane
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Lolo Skyooz
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Re: What is the best way to overcome abuse and trauma?

Post by Lolo Skyooz » 16 May 2018, 02:01

I think the most effective solutions to treat this kind of trauma are seemingly the most simple ones: Plenty of sleep on a regular schedule, stable and healthy diet, at least a bare minimum of exercise, a support system of friends and/or family (even a small one, even one or two people if that's all you can do for whatever reason--this is so important), a clean and orderly space to live in, and talk therapy with a doctor who knows what they are doing. A lot of people just say "stay busy," but really, that's not enough. Your whole lifestyle has to serve to make you a more secure and stable individual if you have great trauma riding around in your heart.

I think significant abuse and trauma can be difficult for writers to write about in an honest way. It all serves as a great motivation for characters, convincing backstory, but writing and thinking about it in a realistic way is tough for anyone.

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perejay
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Post by perejay » 16 May 2018, 06:15

Natalie character on the area of abuse was not independent enough to get away from her abusive stepfather and running away will mean accepting defeat. Her mine will not be at rest cos i mother and siblings are part of why she as remain hard working. She as been the center of defence for the rest of the family. She might not be a physical fighter but i believe she is a fighter to stood her ground before her stepfather. Such strong will can overcome abuse.

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Uniquevictor1
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Post by Uniquevictor1 » 16 May 2018, 07:15

Therapy, therapy, therapy :-)
I say it over and over, but it’s true.
You will never completely overcome
abuse, as my psychiatrist explained.
There will always be damage, but you
learn how to live with it and unlearn
most damage behaviours. You heal.
Some of the PTSD never quite goes away
but it’s manageable, on the fringes of
your life.
Removing yourself from the situation is
next although, as I discovered even
before the internet and smart phone
age, you can move far away or across
the other side of the world, and all you
do is cut down physical contact, though
that’s a plus. Phones and letters do the
same controlling work they did when
you were living closer.
So going No Contact - whatsoever -
forever - is the next big plus despite the
ongoing attempts (again by letter and
phone) to break you down.
Fortunately I was in a good place then,
husband completely on side, able to
enjoy my young children without the
pressure to abuse them too, and the
abusers already beginning to abuse
them as well which was the tipping
point. Supported by upholding therapy
for 6 years. Good friends. And beginning
to do well in the field of my passion.

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Post by KristyKhem » 16 May 2018, 19:30

I think everyone will deal with abuse differently. Fortunately, I have never been in a situation like that, but I can speak about the therapeutic effects of art. I am an artist and it really helps me overcome the normal stresses of everyday life, so I believe it can help abuse victims. Abstract art is really great for expressing one's feelings.

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Post by bruin » 17 May 2018, 16:45

I think overcoming abuse is a life long battle. Therapy might help and also finding ways that really help personally. It could be church, finding a passion to express yourself in, finding support groups, or talking about it with someone who can relate and has overcome similar situations.

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Post by MAPA06 » 18 May 2018, 02:48

People who experienced abuse and trauma may undergo therapies such as CBT or Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. According to the theory of behavior or classical conditioning, phobias, trauma or anything that people can acquired can also unlearn.

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Post by Nena_Morena » 18 May 2018, 22:25

The mother was also at fault, she had a responsibility to protect her children, but she failed. I believe the best way to respond to abuse is separating yourself from it and doing what you can to stop it from happening to anyone else. Unfortunately, we often close our eyes to abuse, and the people left alone in that situation find it harder to cope in appropriate ways. In my little experience, I think if the abused person has overcome the abuse and finds a way to cope with it, then it's easier to write or talk about it.

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Post by elizab8 » 18 May 2018, 23:32

I think Natalie was a courageous young girl. She was somewhat a hero, because he finally stop most of his abuse and his drinking. The author did not mention much about his alcoholism. The mother could also be held accountable for responsibilities within the household, she should of notice his behavior when drunk and seek counseling for him and also for the family how they should react to his behavior and teacg him how to control his emotions. Most writers may or were victims of abuse by alcoholic or non-alcoholic parent or individuals to a point in their lives, some of them may think it is too difficult to relate about their experiences, while others will do so to free their minds of such an awful time that they have encountered.

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Post by PeaceLoveNature44 » 19 May 2018, 04:09

Both the mother and father are to blame, because the child is their responsibility as parents. Most people say that the help they need is going to see a professional to talk about the abuse that happened. But I was abused and had more ttrama as a child as well as when I was older and think that there are other better ways that will truly help someone recover from the abuse. We can't put abused all in the same category, and think one thing works best. Just like any good medince, sometimes it works, sometimes it dose not. The best thing to have though is support in someway. Even if that person dose not want human contact, pets do just the same. :) I also love doing my photography, art, and my kids help me get through each day.

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Post by Bukari » 19 May 2018, 10:48

I think the first and foremost thing is for the victim to report the suspect at the appropriate time. And then the necessary family members and professionals to solve it together once and for all. But, I think sometimes the victims are afraid to report their abusive parents to the higher authority for fear of more torture.
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Post by Bookmermaid » 19 May 2018, 13:46

Abuse and trauma are emotionally draining experiences that can sometimes have a crippling effect on an individual's motivation and willpower? There is certainly no one way in which an individual can overcome abuse and trauma.

If I could think of some activities that may assist in getting past the hurt, it would most certainly entail forgiving the offender in order to free oneself from the burden and danger of revenge. Additionally, I would strongly suggest adopting a sport of choice and reading as a means of escape from the unpleasant memories.

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Post by VirgoRules2018 » 19 May 2018, 18:13

Abuse, depending on your level of maturity can affect you in different ways. Sometimes, the very young can have trouble recognizing that they are in an abusive situation and that they have become the target of abusive behavior. Some abusers take advantage because they perceive another's lack of life's experiences as a weakness. Abusers also use their victim's dependency on them for financial support as a reason that justifies using the other person as a punching bag.
It is a sad reality that many have grown up with...and it affects them later on in life. If they do not get some type of healing, their relationships become tainted by the scars, they previously suffered when they were in that abusive relationship.

I think that to heal, the first step is recognition. If you do not realize that the negative actions and words being hurled in your direction equates to 'abuse'.... you may not know that you need to take steps to get away. It is sad when the abuser is someone who is supposed to protect you, keep you safe and love you. It is so hard for children to admit to themselves that their parent's or guardians are being abusive.. :( .. and that the actions being directed towards them is not right.

There is so much to be said about this topic...because it is complicated by the layers of life that can sometimes be associated with abusive relationships. These are the people close to us, in our lives who are treating us poorly. The answer and the solutions for each case...and path to help us overcome abuse and trauma will never be easy...but as long as you take steps in the right direction to get out and away from your abuser..it means you are on the road to recovery.

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Post by khusnick » 19 May 2018, 19:34

If a method of coping with trauma works for the individual, then that's the best way for them. There is not a single best way because everyone is different. Some people need talk therapy. Some people need a creative medium to use as an outlet for their emotions. As long as the method they choose isn't destructive to themselves or others, what works best for each individual is the best way to overcome it.

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Post by bootsie0126+ » 21 May 2018, 02:03

NL Hartje wrote:
02 Apr 2018, 23:42
As an introvert and someone who was emotionally abused for years, I found solace in quiet time: running, yoga, reading. :reading-3:
I applaud your courage to break free from that relationship. Abuse in any form (emotional, verbal, or physical) is a terrible thing to go through. The damage that is caused from an abusive relationship could last a life time. Some people are able to escape and go on to live a healthy life, with the help of therapy or counseling, however some people's scars from an abusive relationship are so deep, that even though they may have removed themselves from the situation, are still unable to truly live a healthy life. I am glad that you were able to find refuge in other things. Being able to talk about the situation is a step in the right direction to healing.

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Post by NL Hartje » 21 May 2018, 02:07

bootsie0126+ wrote:
21 May 2018, 02:03
NL Hartje wrote:
02 Apr 2018, 23:42
As an introvert and someone who was emotionally abused for years, I found solace in quiet time: running, yoga, reading. :reading-3:
I applaud your courage to break free from that relationship. Abuse in any form (emotional, verbal, or physical) is a terrible thing to go through. The damage that is caused from an abusive relationship could last a life time. Some people are able to escape and go on to live a healthy life, with the help of therapy or counseling, however some people's scars from an abusive relationship are so deep, that even though they may have removed themselves from the situation, are still unable to truly live a healthy life. I am glad that you were able to find refuge in other things. Being able to talk about the situation is a step in the right direction to healing.
Thank you for your positive and uplifting words. They are appreciated and brought a smile :)
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