What is the best way to overcome abuse and trauma?

Use this forum to discuss the April 2018 Book of the Month, "Ironbark Hill" by Jennie Linnane
elivia05
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Re: What is the best way to overcome abuse and trauma?

Post by elivia05 » 10 Jun 2018, 22:13

I believe that there are many ways to overcome trauma in one's life. Everyone is different and their situations are different. In this case, Natalie overcame obstacles the only way she knew how - by expressing her emotions through art. No matter what method you use to cope, the one thing that needs to be remembered is: DO NOT keep everything bottled up inside. If you keep your feelings suppressed, it is inevitable that one day the feelings will come spilling out of you. It is a very damaging cycle. So, if you need to overcome a difficult situation, I recommend finding someone to talk to, a friend, a counselor, or even a stranger.

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Post by Keri wood » 11 Jun 2018, 01:06

Therapy and time is the only thing you can do.

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Post by Morgan Jones » 11 Jun 2018, 21:07

I am a 21 one year old and I escaped my biological father's abuse about 3 years ago now, when he cheated on my mother and left us. From experience, I can say the best way to start the road of healing would be to remove yourself from any aspect that could trigger any memories of your abuser's. Photos, clothes, even the scent of their perfume. I would also recommend immersing yourself in things and people who you trust, like friends and family. Also, buying my first pet helped my emotional state greatly and taught me how to truly care for and love other beings, when my father failed to do so.

To sum up, teach yourself how to become better than your abuser.
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Post by ReyvrexQuestor Reyes » 12 Jun 2018, 15:08

There are many ways to overcome stress. As for trauma, there must be help from a therapist. For stress, some distressing methods are described by a worthy psychiatrist and help may be sought there. One method I remember is to join a group with similar experiences and relate to them.
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Post by simplymica26 » 13 Jun 2018, 02:31

I agree with everyone's opinion. Though many abused victims has different personalities and situations, they can cope up with different kind of ways. Such as family/friend/community support, professional help or activities that can help boost morale.

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Post by JazmynElizabeth » 13 Jun 2018, 08:33

(13RW Spoilers) Writing about abuse is one of the most powerful things when done right, but it's very tricky to nail down.
Let's take Thirteen Reasons Why, the Netflix show. The screenwriter evidently was just trying to apply shock value - five sexual attacks (Hannah, Jessica, Chloe, Jessica's friend, Tyler), one suicide, one attempted suicide, an attempted school shooting.
That's not writing about abuse to 'start a conversation', because they could have started the conversation by implying, or even just with the one incident. That's writing about abuse just to shock the audience, make everybody talk about the controversy and therefore make the writers more money.
So writing about abuse can be incredibly hard-hitting and bring the readers on an emotional rollercoaster. But it has to be done tastefully.

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Post by bellezy17 » 13 Jun 2018, 21:19

For me to overcome some trauma or any abusive matter.. I guess I will let God in to your life. Surrender everything to Him.Leave everything to Him and He will do the rest for you. Acceptance and understanding Would also help. Find yourself by forgiving yourself and others. Do lots of stuffs that interests you. Forgetting is not easy but It's a process to heal those wounds.

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Post by Mouricia25 » 13 Jun 2018, 23:01

There is honestly no best way. Different things trigger different people, and so it would be hard to use the same methods. What I recommend however learning to be true to yourself, denial is a very big hindrance to moving forward.

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Post by TashaCrispin » 14 Jun 2018, 00:51

The father was not the only factor. A writer doesn't need to have prior experience to write on this topic. But it's better to either refer to someone else's experience or tell from the personal stories. It gets more authentic and fluid. Overcoming trauma varies from one person to another. The circumstances and personality of someone influence it all.

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Post by DorcasToo » 14 Jun 2018, 15:49

Dealing with abuse isn't easy nor is talking about it. Depending with the individual if introvert its good to pursue an interest, extroverts best way is to speak it out.

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Post by AWANDO OGUTU » 14 Jun 2018, 22:06

I would strongly advocate for victims of abuse and trauma to be taken to counselling sessions. That offers a chance of them opening up on their problems and the counsellor using the information at hand to provide an advice. Moreover, it is proved that a problem shared is half solved. Opening up makes the victims free again and may help in hastening the path to their recovery.

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Post by elivia05 » 16 Jun 2018, 00:03

cristinaro wrote:
02 Apr 2018, 05:33
I agree with most of the things you mentioned. I have only one small remark regarding the difficulty of describing abusive situations. I have in mind Toni Morrison's novels Beloved and The Bluest Eye. In Beloved, a mother prefers killing her child for fear of sharing her fate as a slave whereas in The Bluest Eye, a girl is abused and finally raped by her alcoholic father. I watched a video with an interview taken to Toni Morrison about Beloved - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RP6umkgMRq4. What she says is that it was incredibly hard to find the language to describe the story of a mother who was so desperate as to kill her child and that precise moment is so buried in the text that you have problems finding it. For me, Toni Morrison is an incredible writer and she did find the words to touch anyone to tears.
I absolutely adore Toni Morrison. Her writing has always been such an inspiration to me, and The Bluest Eye was definitely an eye opening novel.

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Post by bclayton13 » 16 Jun 2018, 23:30

That's definitely a difficult question. I know I was emotionally abused by my father and later, my stepfather. Only getting out of the situation allowed me to heal. Counseling definitely helped once I got to college and I benefited immensely from having emotional support from both my therapist and my friends.
I think it can be difficult for a writer to write about abuse, whether it's emotional or physical. I know when I was in my creative writing classes I had classmates who included abuse in order to "add drama." It irked me immensely at the time that someone would think of my situation as just a plot device, and if not treated right, I'm sure the reader would feel just as insulted. But I feel that professional authors are becoming more and more responsible in this regard.

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Post by JM Hill » 16 Jun 2018, 23:38

Speaking from experience, the worst part about child abuse is the child grows up believing what they've been told (either by actions or words), that they're unworthy of love and that they're responsible . The messages received by the abuse are usually ingrained to the point where even if someone asks "Did you ever think your parent was wrong?" the response is more than incredulous.

And although it's unspoken, the messages are the same with physical and sexual abuse. Usually it hurts the victim more to think the parent would "lie" than to accept the demeaning actions and/or verbiage displayed over and over again.

One of the best ways to heal is to find others who have lived with the same pain but have realized the demeaning abuse wasn't in fact their fault. Even so, knowing it and believing it are two different things. But being around others who have struggled with self-perception can be very enlightening.

Finding people who love you and are reassuring even when you're at your worst helps reverse the thought processes abuse creates. Not keeping the memories bottled up (talking about it) is very therapeutic as well.
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Post by ChrisChatfield » 17 Jun 2018, 07:55

Yes, it really depends on the situation. Separation from the problem is probably the only common factor for any case. Of course even after you separate yourself, then you have to deal with your hidden scars. I don't think that the trauma can be ignored, but instead they have to work through it with someone for years after the situation.

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