What is the best way to overcome abuse and trauma?

Use this forum to discuss the April 2018 Book of the Month, "Ironbark Hill" by Jennie Linnane
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jasmeen narula
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Re: What is the best way to overcome abuse and trauma?

Post by jasmeen narula » 31 May 2018, 14:29

[*]Well,I think listen to the person abusing u and try to calm him /her admitting that you are wrong even if you arent.say sorry repeatedly just try to keep quiet...further take the help of nerby person asking him to convince the person abusing you to forgive.maybe it will sort out half the matter..let the person abusing you be calm.after that just dont come near him .everything will subside within some hours..And to deal with yourself just be thankful to God that the abuser got calm..The wounds of heart will not heal immediately but time will heal those..Pray to God that this kind of time donot come on u again..One thing more just write a prayer .Thats all i have to say from my personal experience.

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Post by vwalter93 » 01 Jun 2018, 11:16

I think that art can be a therapeutic way of working through difficult things that have happened to you. It gives the survivor an opportunity to be in control of what their pain means and a way to take charge of the narrative. When we allow ourselves freedom of expression, we are giving ourselves permission to heal.

When addressing the question of it the father is the only person responsible, I think it's important to think about responsibility versus fault. It's definitely his fault, he's the one to blame for much of the turmoil, but I don't think it's soley his responsibility. Responsibility falls on everyone. Hear me out, I am in no way victim-blaming as it is never anyone's fault that they are abused. We do have to think about our reaction to the things that happen to us and how we respond.

If available, talking to a counselor is the best route in my opionion. You have to be able to let out all the horrible things that happen and much of that occurs when you talk about them. Bringing things into the light often requires that we take leaps of faith and open up to someone. Counselors can not only be there to listen, but they also are trained professionals that will be able to help you navigate healing.

I think that depends on the type of abuse. For me, I believe it would be easier to write about verbal and emotional abuse because it's something that's been so commonplace in my life that it seems normal. Recalling conversations I've had with partners, parents, and others, I could effortlessly use them as inspiration for a character.

cristinaro wrote:
01 Apr 2018, 16:23
The protagonist in Ironbark Hill is sixteen-year-old Natalie Chapman. She has to cope with verbal, physical and psychological abuse from an alcoholic stepfather. Her answer is fighting back mistreatment and finding a refuge in art.

What is your view on the matter? Is the alcoholic father the only responsible in the family equation? Which are the best means of responding to abuse and other traumatic experiences? Do you think it is difficult for a writer to describe abusive situations?

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Post by Edgeona » 01 Jun 2018, 22:33

Abuse hurts, it's every aspect of our lives, to get over abuse and trauma that comes with its, you see a therapist or talk to someone, that will encourage you to let go.

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Post by kislany » 02 Jun 2018, 02:44

I think a lot of people went through some form of abuse in their lives. Therapy and a good ear to listen without judgement are a great way to help those in need.

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Post by -brintontaylor » 02 Jun 2018, 13:27

Overcoming abuse and trauma is obviously different for everyone and it depends on their circumstances. I think one of the main things to do is to definitely talk to someone about it. It helps so much to get things off your chest.

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Post by Wesley Liu » 02 Jun 2018, 19:13

In my opinion, abusing their own child is one of the worst things any parent can do to their children. It is horrifying to know that these type of problems occur in the world, and that innocent, helpless children are victims. Humans should learn to have self-control, and not lose their mentality to common addictions. It is possible that the alcoholic father is not the only one responsible in the family equation. Unless all of their relatives are very distant or are no longer living, then this should not occur. Even one visit to Natalie and her father would reveal that Natalie was being abused, which would then very easily have resolved the problem.

Some of the best means of responding to abuse and other traumatic experience is to have therapy, talk to friends and non-abusive family, and doing anything to stop the abuse. Having therapy would help relax the victim after the abuse was over, and slowly get rid of trauma. Talking to friends would also help the victim cope with abuse and trauma, and would give them someone to talk to about their problems instead of bottling them up. Trying to stop the abuse, such as reporting it to the police or escaping, would also help a person stop the abuse and then be able to receive treatment or help. Unfortunately, none of these options are available if the person is still being abused and does not have access to outside resources.

Unless the author has personally experienced abusive situations, it would be very difficult for a writer to describe those situations. Only a real victim could truly describe the horrible experiences. People who have not experienced abusive situations would usually not understand the trauma, and would also not understand the true severity and torture of being abused.

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Post by Elijah ndegwa » 03 Jun 2018, 05:30

The best way to overcome abuse and trauma is by first acknowlding that you have rights and that no person except through the judicial system has a right to infringe on them.once you make this realization you should then look for ways of not being the victim of this villain who is traumatizing you.for example you can report him to the police.

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Post by its bri » 03 Jun 2018, 15:31

Personally for me to getting over the trauma and abuse I have experienced has been a long and difficult journey, as I'm sure it is for everyone. Talking to people you can trust is definitely one of the most helpful parts; rather than feeling like you have to deal with it all on your own. Just knowing that someone knows what you are going through and having someone you can come to whenever needed is a great first step.

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Post by elliebelle2018 » 03 Jun 2018, 22:46

the best way to over come trauma is the help of people who really loves you. those who will be with you and willing to help you and support you. its a matter of understanding what the patient is going through. and dont judge the situation and find something that will make the person that hes needed and loved.

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Post by Carris72 » 04 Jun 2018, 01:21

I believe one of the means of responding to a traumatic situation is by speaking up. Keeping quiet about such issues can be quite a burden to carry.

I think it may be difficult for a writer who has never experienced an abusive situation or spoken to one who has to adequately describe an abusive situation. Some writers are quite creative though.

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Post by f-callisaya » 05 Jun 2018, 19:29

KitabuKitamu wrote:
08 Apr 2018, 13:57
In the past, we used to have the benefit of community living, where everybody's life was everyone's business. This can aid in prevention of abuse, because it will be easily discovered. Healing is more difficult and takes more than community.
This may be the case sometimes, but not always (or even often, in my experience). I currently live in the Midwest and grew up in the South, all in small insular towns like you're describing. In all of them there were instances of severe abuse being covered up and excused because the abuser was related to or best friends with someone. Often the abused person or people would be shamed and mocked to shut them up, or accused of lying, and in a few cases they would end up pushed out of the community altogether.

On the flip side, there were a few situations where an innocent person that was generally disliked or disliked by important local people would be accused of some type of abuse and the town would go for vigilante justice with no proof of anything.

Small towns can be great places to live, find community, and raise families. But they are not automatic safe havens, either.

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Post by f-callisaya » 05 Jun 2018, 19:41

I grew up in a very religious atmosphere where abuse of all types was rampant because no one was supposed to question or bring public shame to the Word of God. It's taken me a long time to begin recovery, but what helped me the most was taking the abuse and reminding myself that those things WERE NOT TRUE OR RIGHT OR MY FAULT and turning the abuse on its head. For instance, my 'spirit of rebelliousness' is actually one of my strengths because I always question and consider the world around me and don't take things at face value.

As I grew stronger I was able to focus on finding things that I enjoyed because I enjoyed them not, because girls are supposed to. I've never been able to find a good therapist that I can afford for long, though I've tried a lot and keep searching, but introducing me to myself has been a very therapeutic experience in the meantime.

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Post by KitabuKitamu » 06 Jun 2018, 00:42

This may be the case sometimes, but not always (or even often, in my experience). I currently live in the Midwest and grew up in the South, all in small insular towns like you're describing. In all of them there were instances of severe abuse being covered up and excused because the abuser was related to or best friends with someone. Often the abused person or people would be shamed and mocked to shut them up, or accused of lying, and in a few cases they would end up pushed out of the community altogether.

On the flip side, there were a few situations where an innocent person that was generally disliked or disliked by important local people would be accused of some type of abuse and the town would go for vigilante justice with no proof of anything.

Small towns can be great places to live, find community, and raise families. But they are not automatic safe havens, either.
I see your point, It is very unfortunate when such things happen.

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Post by PeaceLoveNature44 » 06 Jun 2018, 08:04

Bookmermaid wrote:
21 May 2018, 11:04
Agreed and it could easily breed a cycle of violence that can sometimes be passed on for generations.
I was watching a documentary about children in the early years and womb. They say a mothers Trauma she goes through, any emotional etc, get's passed to the baby, and on to theirs, etc, etc. If they don't learn to deal with that emotional trauma. I thought it very interesting, because it made me want to know his mom more, and her story. I hope to teach my children how to deal with emotional stuff, because I know I've had issues.

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Post by SamSim » 06 Jun 2018, 12:51

BDTheresa wrote:
02 Apr 2018, 03:36
Natalie fighting back mistreatment and finding a refuge in art is one way to overcome abuse and trauma. The alcoholic father is not the only one responsible in the family equation. The mother is equally responsible. Instead of letting her eldest child raise up to the challenge of protecting her and her siblings, the mother should have done that instead. It's her responsibility as a mother to protect her children. The best way to respond to abuse and other traumatic experience is to seek professional help or check out https://www.helpguide.org. I don't think it's difficult for a writer to describe abusive situations if the writer follows the right method which are : (1) experience. If the writer doesn't have experience then the writer should seek out experience from those who overcame their abuse and trauma. No knowledge is small. (2) Seek out understanding from the professional. Those who study these kinds of things (Psychologist).
This is basically what I was going to say, except you beat me to the punch and worded it far better than I would have. I admire authors that aren't afraid to shine a light on difficult situations and ugliness in the world without glorifying it. We need to be aware of these things and help victims, even if it's just through spreading awareness.
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