What is the best way to overcome abuse and trauma?

[Bomisope]

Natalie fighting back mistreatment and finding a refuge in art is one way to overcome abuse and trauma. The alcoholic father is not the only one responsible in the family equation. The mother is equally responsible. Instead of letting her eldest child raise up to the challenge of protecting her and her siblings, the mother should have done that instead. It's her responsibility as a mother to protect her children. The best way to respond to abuse and other traumatic experience is to seek professional help. I don't think it's difficult for a writer to describe abusive situations if the writer follows the right method which are : (1) experience. If the writer doesn't have experience then the writer should seek out experience from those who overcame their abuse and trauma. No knowledge is small. (2) Seek out understanding from the professional. Those who study these kinds of things (Psychologist).

Getting professional help is truly one way to overcome abuse and trauma. Just by talking about it shows that it doesn't have the power over you anymore.

[Sketches_by_Shell]

Time and ones own personal growth are the only real cures for emotional and/or physical abuses in life. The way the author uses Natalie's art to keep her mind off of her abuse is one good idea. I feel that the whole family is at fault when an abuser is getting away with something. Other family members should step up and interfere, if at all possible, or at the very least let outside family know what is happening. In severe cases, let authorities know. Many times it would be difficult to write about this subject if one had not experienced it, but just like any other subject a writer had not experienced himself, he could research. There have been many things written on various abuses and with the internet, one could find much information to assist.

[kennedibmth]

Dealing with the trauma from abuse is complex and a different experience for everyone. Counseling and talking it out helps a lot but everyone must take their own path.

[crediblereading2]

Natalie seeking solace in the form of art is definitely a very effective way to mitigate abuse and trauma. It is a known fact that art has a therapeutic effect on the mind. Her mother is a rather weak and vulnerable person who is in an abusive situation, Natalie therefore, has no other choice but to assume the responsibility of her mother. There are many effective ways to respond to abuse. Some of these are exercise, hard work, removing oneself from the abuse and surrounding oneself with genuine family and friends. Authors are very imaginative and creative persons, therefore it should not be difficult for them to describe an abusive situation, especially if they have such experience.

[Jesscar6]

Her father is definitely responsible, but so is her mother. Why stay with a man like that and cause your child that trauma. There is always a way out and there's always help out there to make getting out that situation easier.

[KatePanlilio]

As a psychology student, I think that there is no overcoming in abuse and trauma. People only cope with the situation. There are actually many coping mechanism that is available. Sometimes, these mechanism will even lead to bigger problems but most often than not, they lead to a better situation for the individual. The best way for me to cope with this problem is to talk to a professional and to attend therapies but if the individual is not yet ready, the best way is to actually accept it and be strong.

[Cristina Chifane]

I do think that there's not just one best way of responding to abuse or traumatic experiences. Some people just handle things in different ways, and that's perfectly fine. I think that the way Natalie handled things fit her character well. It's definitely not just the step-father's fault, some of the blame is on the mother. There was certainly a lot of manipulation on Alex's part to Irma, and it's frustrating to see that happen. Overall, I think Linnane did really well depicting events in the book though. It's definitely got to be difficult to write and describe situations like in Ironbark Hill. I don't think anyone enjoys reading uncomfortable situations, but it wasn't completely over the top and unbearable. It was enough to make a point.

If you remember, there is this chapter in the book immediately after the near-death belt whipping. Irma is so appalled by what Alex did to Natalie that she asks him to leave the house until he solves his drinking problem. I think Linnane did a great job in describing what it must have felt for Irma to confront her husband and to try to change things. The mature Natalie thinks her mother could at least tell herself over the years that she tried to protect her daughter from abuse.

[Cristina Chifane]

I feel that her finding something that she can do is very important for her to get away from that environment. Being abuse you will always think about why you were abused, so having something else to do is always important.
I think the father is the most important person when it comes to her abuse because he was the one abusing her, but that does not mean others could not have help her out in that situation.
I feel that writing about abuse is hard if you have never experience it because people handle it in many different ways. As an example I was emotional abuse, but did not even realize it until later on in my life when the effects started to playout in my life.

You are perfectly right. I remember one thing from the novel. Because of the abuse she suffers in her family, Natalie has a low level of self-esteem, so she feels that the kiss of an experienced man like Bruce Glover is a proof she is worthy of a man's love.

[Cristina Chifane]

This is such a difficult question. Essentially the is no cookie cutter way of overcoming abuse and trauma. It would be best for the individual to determine what feels right or what gives them peace.

Metaphorically speaking, there is such a thin line between light and darkness that one may end up in the grip of abuse and a complicated situation in no time. When children are abused, things are a lot worse because they do not have the means or power to put an end to abusive situations. In Natalie's case, the verbal and physical abuse has its history in her family up to the girl's sixteenth birthday. Linnane did a great job in describing what went through the girl's head in order to overcome abuse and trauma.

[Cristina Chifane]

What is your view on the matter? Is the alcoholic father the only responsible in the family equation?

I'm currently about 40% through the book and am troubled by the sense here, as well as in real life, where alcohol is the explanation for abuse and is simply accepted. I recognize the battle between Natalie and Alex goes beyond that and is contentious at best, but the alcohol seems to magnify it. It bothers me that this is allowed to go on until she is seriously hurt. I believe that Alex is solely responsible and should be accountable for his actions; however, my general feeling is that parents are responsible for keeping each other "in-check" and try to balance each other. So, net-net, Natalie's mother, Irma, has a level of responsibility to prevent the abuse.

That said, there is an inference that Irma is abused as well and my experience (in real life) is that people who are in an abusive situation have a challenge recognizing the depth of the abuse and/or have some level of Stockholm Syndrome where the defend the abuser's actions as something they caused. With that in mind, I would imagine it's difficult to balance out that kind of a partner.

As an illustration of what you said, I can add that Natalie herself describes the way Irma succumbs to her feelings of love and compassion for Alex who is, after all, the abuser of her children as well as her own abuser. Even when Irma confronts Alex about what she did to Natalie, she still excuses his behavior and tells Natalie that he used to be a different man and only alcohol changed him so much.

[Cristina Chifane]

There is no single way of dealing with abuse in a home, especially for a child who is reared in such a home. Often times the child may grow up with the idea that such abuse is normal. Friends and the arts are always a good way to get out of the toxic situation; where even that much at least is available.

I know what you are saying is very realistic, but it still scares me a lot. I have already said somewhere that this is perhaps the worst possible scenario. If adults may have the means to fight against abuse, for children it is very difficult. I am thinking of Shirley or Robyn in the novel. They are both affected in different ways by their father's permanent abuse. Shirley becomes fascinated with cruelty and violence whereas Robyn continues to wet her pyjamas even if she is 5 years old.

[Cristina Chifane]

Which are the best means of responding to abuse and other traumatic experiences?

This is a tough question because it varies by person, depth of abuse, and their response to the abuse. I've read accounts of people who were severely abused, physically and psychologically, who turned out to be amazing, functioning adults as well about those on the opposite end of the spectrum who are crippled by their past, or worse, repeat the behavior. The thing I find to be common to the success stories is some sort of intervention, either during or after the abuse, that allows the abused person to build self-esteem and confidence. That could manifest as simply as a place to go that lifts them up and keeps them away from the abuser (after-school program, library with a supportive/engaging staff, etc) or as something more complex like an abusee-rehab kind of place (does that even exist?).

If your someone who is trying to help the abused person, that's even trickier. You respond by being supportive, offer a path out, but ultimately, you have to let them make the decision to leave the situation. Of course, that changes when a child is involved and can not make that decision. My only point here is, you can't help if the individual doesn't want help or won't leave the situation.

That's a lot writing that doesn't really answer the question, but is there one clear answer?

I know there's no clear answer or simple way out of an abusive situation. Perhaps one of the greatest achievements of this book is to show us what it means to deal with abuse on a daily basis. Think of Natalie. She acknowledges her abuse and she never gives up fighting against it or at least hoping that one day will come when the abuse finally ends. I have chosen this topic and asked all these questions because I honestly believe we should do more to help people in such situations. In many cultures what happens in somebody's family stays in the family and exterior intervention is not appreciated. I'll give you just one example that comes to my mind. If we hear neighbors continuously quarrelling and screaming and we know they have little children, we should not hesitate to go to their door and talk to them. Sometimes, the social pressure of the community may do wonders.

[Cristina Chifane]

Do you think it is difficult for a writer to describe abusive situations?

I can't even imagine. In order to do it well, it has to come from a place of experience - whether that is real or imagined, it has to take its toll. I think this particular author does a fantastic job; she is very descriptive so far throughout the book whether it's describing the landscape or the situation. To me, the abuse scenes would be mental torture.

After so many years of reading, I think I have come to understand one thing. The books I loved most are those books that troubled me most, that stirred my most intimate feelings, that made me feel guilty or angry or just happy to be healthy and alive. Linnane is a good storyteller indeed. She allows mature Natalie to tell her own story, a story of abuse and survival. Generally speaking, writing about abuse from personal experience might be incredibly difficult because your natural tendency would be to supress your bad memories and never think of the past again. If the writer manages to overcome his/her own inhibitions and taboos and turn such an experience into fiction, the result may be a genuinely amazing book.

[Cristina Chifane]

Which are the best means of responding to abuse and other traumatic experiences?

This is a tough question because it varies by person, depth of abuse, and their response to the abuse. I've read accounts of people who were severely abused, physically and psychologically, who turned out to be amazing, functioning adults as well about those on the opposite end of the spectrum who are crippled by their past, or worse, repeat the behavior. The thing I find to be common to the success stories is some sort of intervention, either during or after the abuse, that allows the abused person to build self-esteem and confidence. That could manifest as simply as a place to go that lifts them up and keeps them away from the abuser (after-school program, library with a supportive/engaging staff, etc) or as something more complex like an abusee-rehab kind of place (does that even exist?).

If your someone who is trying to help the abused person, that's even trickier. You respond by being supportive, offer a path out, but ultimately, you have to let them make the decision to leave the situation. Of course, that changes when a child is involved and can not make that decision. My only point here is, you can't help if the individual doesn't want help or won't leave the situation.

That's a lot writing that doesn't really answer the question, but is there one clear answer?

A very good analysis of the question right here. Totally agree with this. The intervention point is so true. I think a lot of these interventions leading to success are divinely appointed.

Some interventions may seem divine-like and there is always a balance of good and evil around us. What life has taught me is that there are moments in life when you feel you are completely alone and you have to accept that there is no soul or any divine intervention that may help you. In those moments, you have to decide if you want to help yourself or not, if it is worth living for yourself or not. Such moments do not automatically exclude divine presence. On the contrary, it may add to your determination.

[Cristina Chifane]

The best way to cope with abuse is to get out of the situation as fast as you can. Call the authorities and turn him in and have your younger siblings come with you. There's therapy so that you can vent about what you're feeling and it helps to channel your feelings in a positive way instead of substance abuse and self-harm. Creative ways like painting, writing songs, journaling, poems, etc should help. No matter what, do not keep your feelings inside.

I agree with you that keeping your feelings inside is very dangerous and it makes you imagine a distorted version of reality. Think of Natalie in the novel. At one time, she notices that she has an "ingrained predisposition to believe that anything persecuted is likely to be female". Why is that? Because she saw her mother persecuted, she saw herself beaten up to death, she saw her little sisters subjected to abuse day after day.