Are unmarried women still treated as outcasts in rural communities?

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becsimpson
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Re: Are unmarried women still treated as outcasts in rural communities?

Post by becsimpson » 03 Apr 2018, 10:05

tvess wrote:
03 Apr 2018, 09:04
LoisCHenderson wrote:
03 Apr 2018, 02:13
tvess wrote:
02 Apr 2018, 08:55


Some of my family lives in an area (in the US) where it's hard to find fully educated people at all despite schools being available, and women are expected to take care of the kids, so a woman with dependents seems to be expected to rely on someone else to have a source of income. This tends to be parents, a husband, or just some guy that wont commit. The third option seems acceptable because of the idea that the marriage will happen "eventually", and I don't know the people involved well enough to know if there's a difference in how they're treated in this situation.

Even when they manage to find a source of income on their own, people seem to think they're neglecting the kids at that point (though I have heard no one judging them for not sending their kids to school, which would have really solved multiple problems...).

I don't know the community well enough to know what happens if you just don't have kids. (Though certain people in the area have said I'm going to go to hell for being left-handed, and some Christian viewpoints claim that you are selfish if you aren't having kids "like God intended", so I really don't have that much hope for this).

I'm glad I live in the city, where it's more like you described with single-people being hardworking.
I take that your "being left-handed" means that you are gay (explanation just for non-English language speakers, of which there are many in the OBC)? Some Christians are very condemnatory, yet the more they condemn others, the less Christian they are in their behaviour - check that out! Often, they are trying to direct attention away from their own actions, while condemning themselves to purgatory or worse (in their own terms). :gay-imgay:
No, I literally mean because I'm left handed, as in writing with my left hand. This was brought up to my parents when I was like five, in an effort to "fix" me. As far as I'm aware, that part of the family isn't aware of my lack of interest in guys, and I don't exactly plan on telling them. I can see why you would have assumed that though, given the context.

I agree with what you're saying about Christian behavior. The whole ordeal has turned me away from organized religion, I find it easier to just focus on being a good person instead of following someone's guidelines in the hopes that they are being a good person.

The whole left handed thing has always really fascinated me, because it makes no actual sense. I live in the UK and I remember at school (which was about fifteen years ago for me now), they used to try and force the left handed people to write with their right hand, and they had special grips attached to their pencils and pens to help them. It was really stupid. What does it matter?

I'm sorry you've had a bad experience with Christianity too. Being a LGBT Christian myself, I know how that feels. It's crazy how people professing to follow Jesus Christ can be so hateful but there ya go *shrugs*

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Post by Eileen R » 03 Apr 2018, 15:31

In Kenya, women are expected to be married by a certain age. If you're not married it means that there's something wrong with you.You are regarded as an outcast who doesn't have a say in the society. However, with more women prioritizing career over marriage, I feel that this culture is slowly changing (I hope so!)

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Post by LoisCHenderson » 03 Apr 2018, 22:58

becsimpson wrote:
03 Apr 2018, 10:05
tvess wrote:
03 Apr 2018, 09:04
LoisCHenderson wrote:
03 Apr 2018, 02:13


I take that your "being left-handed" means that you are gay (explanation just for non-English language speakers, of which there are many in the OBC)? Some Christians are very condemnatory, yet the more they condemn others, the less Christian they are in their behaviour - check that out! Often, they are trying to direct attention away from their own actions, while condemning themselves to purgatory or worse (in their own terms). :gay-imgay:
No, I literally mean because I'm left handed, as in writing with my left hand. This was brought up to my parents when I was like five, in an effort to "fix" me. As far as I'm aware, that part of the family isn't aware of my lack of interest in guys, and I don't exactly plan on telling them. I can see why you would have assumed that though, given the context.

I agree with what you're saying about Christian behavior. The whole ordeal has turned me away from organized religion, I find it easier to just focus on being a good person instead of following someone's guidelines in the hopes that they are being a good person.

The whole left handed thing has always really fascinated me, because it makes no actual sense. I live in the UK and I remember at school (which was about fifteen years ago for me now), they used to try and force the left handed people to write with their right hand, and they had special grips attached to their pencils and pens to help them. It was really stupid. What does it matter?

I'm sorry you've had a bad experience with Christianity too. Being a LGBT Christian myself, I know how that feels. It's crazy how people professing to follow Jesus Christ can be so hateful but there ya go *shrugs*
I think the answer to the Christian discrimination thing is: (1) to live as well as one can (ethically/morally/spiritually/physically/economically) as an LGBT Christian (i.e. leading by example) when the antagonism is (semi-)covert; and (2) to be defiant and confront (in a non-militaristic way) when the antagonism is overt.

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Post by atonykamau » 04 Apr 2018, 06:12

I really don't think so because I live in a rural community my self and women are not treated as outcasts. Also, today's laws help to prevent discrimination against women.

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Post by LoisCHenderson » 04 Apr 2018, 06:16

atonykamau wrote:
04 Apr 2018, 06:12
I really don't think so because I live in a rural community my self and women are not treated as outcasts. Also, today's laws help to prevent discrimination against women.
That's good to hear - where do you live (nearest village/town and country)?

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Post by atonykamau » 04 Apr 2018, 06:25

I live in a small rural town called Kabuku in Kenya

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Post by LoisCHenderson » 04 Apr 2018, 06:30

atonykamau wrote:
04 Apr 2018, 06:25
I live in a small rural town called Kabuku in Kenya
It sounds as thought there are great disparities on the African continent - this is fascinating. I wonder whether the tribes in your area in the past were matrilineal, and the tribes in the other areas were patrilineal? This would make a fascinating study, but no doubt there have already been a number of such studies done. Does anyone know of one or more such (and what their synoptic findings are)?

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Post by atonykamau » 04 Apr 2018, 06:57

I can't really say I know much about my family's lineage and I am afraid I don't know much about the topic to give you the answers you need.

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Post by Asen Stoyanchev » 04 Apr 2018, 07:00

In my country the women who are not married are indeed considered outcasts. The things are drastically different in the big cities. I'd say that there is a tendency to live without a marriage.
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Post by LoisCHenderson » 04 Apr 2018, 07:11

Asen Stoyanchev wrote:
04 Apr 2018, 07:00
In my country the women who are not married are indeed considered outcasts. The things are drastically different in the big cities. I'd say that there is a tendency to live without a marriage.
Perhaps it is because, in the country, there is a dependence on the family as an economic unit (one thinks of the peasant families of yore) - it is interesting that, despite the influence of Communism on the Soviet Union, such an outlook still survives.

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Post by tvess » 04 Apr 2018, 07:43

becsimpson wrote:
03 Apr 2018, 10:05
tvess wrote:
03 Apr 2018, 09:04
LoisCHenderson wrote:
03 Apr 2018, 02:13


I take that your "being left-handed" means that you are gay (explanation just for non-English language speakers, of which there are many in the OBC)? Some Christians are very condemnatory, yet the more they condemn others, the less Christian they are in their behaviour - check that out! Often, they are trying to direct attention away from their own actions, while condemning themselves to purgatory or worse (in their own terms). :gay-imgay:
No, I literally mean because I'm left handed, as in writing with my left hand. This was brought up to my parents when I was like five, in an effort to "fix" me. As far as I'm aware, that part of the family isn't aware of my lack of interest in guys, and I don't exactly plan on telling them. I can see why you would have assumed that though, given the context.

I agree with what you're saying about Christian behavior. The whole ordeal has turned me away from organized religion, I find it easier to just focus on being a good person instead of following someone's guidelines in the hopes that they are being a good person.

The whole left handed thing has always really fascinated me, because it makes no actual sense. I live in the UK and I remember at school (which was about fifteen years ago for me now), they used to try and force the left handed people to write with their right hand, and they had special grips attached to their pencils and pens to help them. It was really stupid. What does it matter?

I'm sorry you've had a bad experience with Christianity too. Being a LGBT Christian myself, I know how that feels. It's crazy how people professing to follow Jesus Christ can be so hateful but there ya go *shrugs*
I'm just glad my parents never really bought into it (although I became a bit ambidextrous anyways due to the complete lack of left-handed things). Thanks for the empathy!

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Post by Lennycat » 04 Apr 2018, 09:03

I think they are treated differently. I agree that people are compelled to try and "fix up" a woman who is single. In some sense, I think women are still expected to get married and have children although that is a generality.

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Post by LoisCHenderson » 04 Apr 2018, 09:09

Lennycat wrote:
04 Apr 2018, 09:03
I think they are treated differently. I agree that people are compelled to try and "fix up" a woman who is single. In some sense, I think women are still expected to get married and have children although that is a generality.
Amazing what "fixing up" entails, according to some!

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Post by folkshot » 04 Apr 2018, 09:58

I wonder if it's more an issue outside of the US. The majority of places I've visited don't seem to condemn a single woman. Also, "old maid" status used to be if you hit the age of 20 without being married and now I think the age of a woman on her first marriage is something like 28-30 years old, so times have definitely changed.

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Post by LoisCHenderson » 04 Apr 2018, 10:01

folkshot wrote:
04 Apr 2018, 09:58
I wonder if it's more an issue outside of the US. The majority of places I've visited don't seem to condemn a single woman. Also, "old maid" status used to be if you hit the age of 20 without being married and now I think the age of a woman on her first marriage is something like 28-30 years old, so times have definitely changed.
Probably you're right! I remember a fellow librarian who cried when she turned 30 and was still unmarried (whether she was still a virgin is debatable, though!).

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