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- Posts: 158
- Joined: 31 Oct 2017, 09:54
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- Joined: 24 May 2017, 01:35
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- Latest Review: "Raven's Peak" by Lincoln Cole
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- Favorite Book: <a href="http://forums.onlinebookclub.org/shelve ... >Origin</a>
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- Latest Review: "The Reich Device" by Richard D. Handy
I am gay, and went to a fairly conservative college. I was the first person to ever publicly come out of the closet there. This was in the early 2000's, during the W. Bush years, when there were a lot of arguments about gay marriage going on in America. I wrote to the college paper to present an argument for gay marriage, and made it clear that it was a personal issue for me.
I struggle with anxiety, so, in order to do that, I had to think through the possible negative reactions I might get and mentally prepare myself for them. One was "corrective" rape. That is, rape done to the tune of "You're not really gay. You just need a real man like me to show you how it's done." I accepted the possibility, decided it was worth it, and after my letter was published, I started walking alone at night just to prove to myself that I wasn't going to let fear control me.
It happened to a friend.
I summoned lighting, and it hit my friend instead of me. It was exactly like what I'd feared, right down to, "You just need a real man..."
That school wasn't a safe place to talk about things like that. I didn't want to burden my friends when they'd already been so noble as to accept me, and I didn't trust the mental health services there to handle it respectfully, so I just kind of...swallowed all the fear and guilt I was feeling.
Ten years later it exploded back out. I was in a rough place for a while, but after it was over, I realized I had less overall anxiety and was able to connect to other people a lot better.
I've had other struggles--learning disabilities, and small amount of childhood abuse, mild sexual assault shortly after college, but that was the one that left the clearest trauma symptoms, probably because I wasn't able to process it at the time.
- Kalin Adi
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- Whitney Marchelle
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- Latest Review: Superhighway by Alex Fayman
one of my close relatives was addicted to drugs. functioning until they weren't, They lied, stole and all the while always seemed to give me love and affection and encouragement. it caused a lot of trust issues down the line, always wondering if what someone says matching their actions, and being attuned to that to the nth degree. It's was definitely a trauma that formed me as a person and lasted a long time, longer than i thought it would.
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- Latest Review: "The 11.05 Murders" by Brian O'Hare
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- Latest Review: "Hello, My Love" by Evy Journey
I've learned several things that have helped me. One: rely on God, trust that He has a plan for me, and continually seek a relationship with Him. Two: surround myself with positive, understanding people. Three: give myself permission to NOT spend time with anyone I don't want to be around. Four: don't be afraid to talk about my experiences because it can be therapeutic, because it helps others to understand better where I am coming from, because it makes people aware that such problems exist (helping to eliminate misconceptions), and because you never know who might have gone through something similar and needs someone who will understand THEM. Five: talk (or cry) when I need to, but not MORE than I need to. In other words, don't dwell on it. I've been guilty of fixating on figuring out why things happened and how I can change the past, and that's not healthy or productive. Six: these experiences were not my fault and I did nothing to deserve them. I DO deserve happiness and love. Seven: I AM strong enough to overcome these things, and more. Eight: find things that make me smile and do things that I enjoy. Nine: whenever I can, however I can, do things for others Ten: do not add to the trauma by belittling or harming myself. Love myself, because I'm worth it.
Recovery is not easy, it's a process. I'm not done and that's OK, as long as I don't quit.