Review of They Love You Until You Start Thinking for Yourself

[Yasmine ZM]

[Following is a volunteer review of "They Love You Until You Start Thinking for Yourself" by Monica Omorodion Swaida.]

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3 out of 5 stars

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In They Love You Until You Start Thinking for Yourself, Monica Omorodion Swaida narrates the events of her own life, her achievements, and her life challenges. She shares her honest opinions and her aspirations. To the youngsters in particular, she encourages thinking for themselves rather than following the crowds.

My interest in Monica’s story was piqued from the first chapter. She is the third out of nine children from her Nigerian parents. There is warmth in the way she describes her siblings and her parents. As a reader, you can feel the love and appreciation she has for each one of them. She wrote that she never thought of herself as being poor for walking back and forth to school; that’s what most of the kids did except for a few who were picked up by chauffeurs. She envied them and wondered what it would be like, but it never affected her more than that. This reminds me that children can be happy regardless of having less. When there is love and safety they can thrive with the minimum until they start comparing themselves with those who have more.
When she was still a teenager, she ached for adventure and wanted much more than what her life offered in her home country; she took a plane to Poland without anyone knowing. A visa was not required, so all she needed was a plane ticket and some pocket money. She realized when she landed that she didn’t have a solid plan, and she didn’t know where she would settle in Poland or anything else. She only knew that she wanted to get away from home, and that’s what she did. Later, her many adventures would take her to many countries, and she would eventually settle in the US. If you do an internet search on Monica today, you will find that she is a singer, a movie producer, a real estate agent, an influencer and a TV personality. I believe she fulfilled her American dream.

By reading a memoir, you form your own opinion of the author. You are learning about their lives through the author’s words. You have an insight into their personality based on how they say things. You find how much they are willing to reveal compared to how much they are withholding. And you wonder why they don’t want to share some aspects of their lives.
There is a lot to unpack from this book. Many themes are present and any of them can be a conversation starter. The author has a glass-half-full personality. She is also self-confident, and she doesn’t let bad experiences deter her. She is always moving forward, grabbing the opportunities presented to her, and enjoying her life to the fullest.
I realized while reading her memoir that her biggest strength lies in her ability to feel free. She always felt free to jump at every opportunity and embark on new adventures. Or perhaps her strength lies in her ability to not let fear stop her, not fear the consequences, or what others might think or say? After all, when she left home, she was just a young Black woman trying to make it in various foreign countries; she wrote: “However, it’s the society that makes sure that I never forget who I am – a Black woman from the African continent”. During those years, things were tough for women in general, let alone young African women. During her life, she embraced many career paths, sometimes simultaneously. I am intrigued to know how she managed other aspects of her life such as motherhood and family life. In her book she is also sharing her take on matters such as government assistance to families in need, the education system, politics, etc.

The main aspect I didn’t like while reading this book was the lack of depth in the narration of the events. It is understandable if the author doesn’t want to give away too much about her personal life and her family. It’s her own choice, but in my opinion, the events should have been narrated in depth. Additionally, the tone used to recall some events did not match them. As a reader, I was realising that what I just read was something usually serious, extraordinary, or even horrible; surprisingly, the words employed by the author do not convey that kind of emotion. It feels like the author is brushing up on most of the challenges and difficulties in her life like she was saying “It’s not a big deal”. Although they were all big deals, she confirmed this by writing later that all those difficulties shaped who she is now. In her own words: “My sufferings, traumas, and life lessons that I got have molded me into a stronger woman”. So logically, they must have affected her to some extent, and we don’t get that by reading the memoir.
The other aspect I didn’t like was her pose on the book cover. It looks cliché, copied, and not original. I have seen many covers where the author has that pose, and I admit that I was avoiding choosing this book because of its cover. But hey! Don’t judge a book by its cover. At the end of the day, I am glad I read this inspirational memoir.

After much consideration, I decided to rate this memoir by Monica Omorodion Swaida, 3 out of 5 stars. I took away two stars from the rating. One was because of the lack of depth in the narration, which is a pity because I feel that Monica has so much wisdom to share, and her life is far from being ordinary. Her teachings are inspirational and beneficial. Additionally, I think a chronological account of events would have been more beneficial for this book. Many times, the location where an event was taking place wasn’t clarified. I wasn’t sure if she was still in Italy with her brother or in America. So, I deducted another star for the lack of clarity.

Despite the few things I mentioned above, it is a good book and I recommend it to young adults and older readers, who like memoirs. I also recommend it to book clubs because there are many themes to discuss, from the structure of the book, Monica’s personality, her experiences, her opinions on politics, and the list goes on.

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They Love You Until You Start Thinking for Yourself
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[Gerry Steen]

I can assume that this author will take your critiques into account in making her interesting story even better. I agree with your detailed review. I have read this book, also, and I feel that she could have added more depth to her story as well. I must say that her story is entertaining, heartwarming, and inspiring.

[Kutloano Makhuvhela]

This seems like a book written with warmth and care. Yes, I agree with you and Monica. Kids only need safety and care to survive and thrived. When they grow, they start comparing their lives with that of others, but with your non-shaking love, all would be well.
Amazing review. So thorough and spot-on. Keep it up.

[Author K]

The title of the book itself is very captivating and you have done an excellent job reviewing this book. I personally think the lack of depth in the narration would be a trouble to read as i have always enjoyed reading things more in depth and I think for a book of this nature, it would have been great if it was more detailed. The brushing off problems doesn’t seem right. But Monica seems to be an amazing and brave woman so I would definitely like to read this book.