4 out of 4 stars
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If you’re searching for the future royalty of fantasy satire, Fish Wielder is bound to be next in line for the throne. J.R.R.R. (Jim) Hardison has crafted what is essentially a drunken D&D session in trilogy form, set in a world much like the Spaceballs equivalent of The Lord of the Rings. Ages before the time of our hero Thoral Mighty Fist, the world of Grome was nearly razed by the big enchilada of all evildoers, known only as the Dark Lord Mauron. In an epic collision with elf forces, Mauron was pummeled into a state of sort-of-half-death that temporarily brought peace back to the world of Grome. A thousand and two years later, an enigmatic cult straightforwardly named the Bad Religion is out to salvage what the Dark Lord Mauron had failed to make use of -- a great chocolatey Pudding of Powder to rule them all.
Not so much accepting their call to adventure as stumbling into it after too many pints of warm ale, Thoral and his companions are swept into a harrowing and ridiculous series of shenanigans in order to defeat the Bad Religion. Thoral himself is a caricature of your typical romance novel hero; a barbarian full of mystery and melodrama, endowed with Godlike physical strength, and so, so many worshipful descriptions of his long, tawny locks and rippling biceps. I mean it when I say that he’s the best version of a Fabio-Hercules hybrid. Thoral is stubborn, prideful, and the addition of being dumb as a rock sometimes just makes him cuter.
Hardison does an extraordinary job of crafting loveable characters through self-awareness and upending tropes; for instance, painting Thoral as a stammering tween boy in the face of love, describing him as looking “helpless despite his massive strength.” Essentially, he’s a big ol’ teddy bear. His best friend, known as Bradfast the walking, talking koi fish, is the universal voice of reason throughout the novel. Warlordhorse, the trusty tiger-striped steed, would also be fairly wise if anyone could parse what his whinnying and neighing meant. And the occasional flying squirrel companion, Tyncie CheeChaw Chee Chee WeeWaw, is what happens when you recruit your own children for brainstorming. Hardison’s humble Dedication towards his middle school friends and his family make ridiculous additions such as these all the more precious.
For all of the well-deserved praise I’ve given Fish Wielder so far, the writing tempted me to knock its rating down to three stars when I first picked up the book. Its straightforward, stop-and-go style might not appeal to all readers, regardless of if it’s meant to add comedic timing. Coming from someone who is picky about composition, however, it’s an enormous compliment to say that the writing technique grew on me. Nothing in the fantasy genre is sacred to Fish Wielder, and that made this book shine. Hardison blatantly pokes fun at naming conventions (my favorite is the “Grumpy Sea,” and the love interest Nalweegie, meaning “Evening Snack”), and satirizes the melodramatic style of your typical fantasy series. The pace itself is reminiscent of a children’s chapter book, but Fish Wielder has the gruesome detailing of an adult fantasy novel, so it’s good for people with goldfish-like attention spans. For instance, Elfrod’s accounts of war are nothing shy of George R. R. Martin-ish, and probably shouldn’t be read under the dinner table if you have a weak stomach. Most importantly, Hardison is a wizard at using his writing to keep his audience entertained and laughing, which earns it the full four stars from me.
I rate this book 4 out of 4 stars. Overall, if you’re a novice to the fantasy world, if you hate it, or if you love it and you’re down to watch your favorite genre get lovingly slaughtered and suffused with the rare meme, then Fish Wielder is a must-read. I’m still reeling from it, and will most definitely be picking it up again in the future. Please put this as high-priority on your bookshelves, and thank me later! Amazing job, Hardison!
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Fish Wielder
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