1 out of 4 stars
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When I chose to read E-M-P Honeymoon by Dorothy May Mercer, I expected it to be a high-quality romantic piece containing elements of science fiction. The cover art, which features a kissing couple and a spaceship, along with the high ratings I saw from other reviewers, solidified that initial impression. However, the description of this book turned out to be quite misleading. I would not recommend that others spend time reading this story.
E-M-P Honeymoon, unfortunately, contains no EMPs and very little honeymoon. The story follows a newlywed couple, Kelly and Tom, who are supposedly on their honeymoon despite the fact that they only seem to enjoy being around one another when it's convenient for the plot. To be fair, the lack of chemistry didn't surprise me once I realized how condescendingly Tom treats his wife, babying her and giving her charming, unique nicknames like "girl". However, the main point of the plot is that Kelly and Tom team up with three other flat and stereotypical characters to prevent a Korean EMP attack on America.
What I liked most about this book was writing down literary gems I found while reading it, such as these artfully constructed sentences:
"Flash...commenced encircling the satellite, photographing a picture..."
"'Get me Colonel Sky Eastman on the phone,' he demanded without saying please or thank you."
"Everyone else alerted to attention."
"Steve shoved her cute little butt."
It's hard to narrow down the one thing I disliked most about the story. The casual sexist, racist, and ageist stereotypes were definitely uncomfortable, as were the poorly written romantic lines that made me physically cringe. However, I think the very worst thing was the complete and utter disregard for proper grammar and formatting. Inappropriate commas and hyphens abounded. Periods were nowhere to be found at the ends of complete sentences. Chapter subheadings were arbitrary and made no sense, sometimes describing the main setting or character while other times simply serving as a catchy placeholder. All of these factors and more made it impossible for me to give this book more than 1 out of 4 stars.
This book also uses infrequent vulgar language and strong innuendo.
This story is well-suited to readers who appreciate a lack of diversity, who feel restricted by the concept of grammar, and who would rather read about an "I-pad" than an iPad. If you're looking for expository dialogue that was clearly cut and paste from Wikipedia, or if you're curious about the wrong way to use words such as "opine", "grouse", "snarl", or even "retrieve", then this is the story for you.
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