1 out of 4 stars
Share This Review
The Chauvinist’s Guide to Modern Romance by Morris Rollins was written as a satire on modern social mores of attraction, love, and sex. If a satirical flare is what was intended, it falls far short of this objective. To be clear, I like good satire. For example, I find books written in the manner of Kafka to be extremely amusing. I’m also fond of Monty Python. In my opinion, The Chauvinist’s Guide to Modern Romance does not even approach the standards for a decent satire. Instead, the contents are precisely what the title implies. It is an unapologetic, misogynistic, and biased guide to help “the modern eunuch” (in other words, single male) successfully woo women into their beds.
Approaching the book from this perspective, one cannot fault Rollins’ advice. Some of it, used correctly with just the right couple, actually has a chance of succeeding. However, let’s look a bit further. According to the author, modern-day women have usurped men’s rightful place in the universe through their psychological prowess and civilizing morality. Intended to lead society and have the power to “… take what they want…,” men are now forced to find methods that will manipulate and take advantage of women’s wants, desires, and needs in order to reach their ultimate goal: successfully achieving the best quality coitus with the most frequency possible.
According to the author, there are several types of women. These include nice girls, bad girls, older women, blondes (yes, they have their own category), fat women, ugly women, and the ever-feared Nazis and bi**hes. Each type of woman requires a different approach to entice them into an intimate encounter. Because of this, the different types of men (smooth, sharp, and tough) must adjust their behavior, body language, dress, and approach to ‘become’ the type of man the desired woman will want to choose as a partner (intimate or otherwise). Amazingly enough, Rollins mixes in just enough scientific study and psychology to give a veneer of truth to his suggestions. For instance, the author includes a chart of the psychological differences between men and women that seemed surprisingly accurate.
No portion of this book gave me even a chuckle. Even worse, parts of it often left me feeling distinctly insulted as a woman. I would think that any man of worthy character would also be somewhat offended. Mr. Rollins states, “… sex is man’s number one priority in life. Success in romantic love is the single most important measure of a woman.” If this is to be believed, the very progress modern men and women have made in these areas, in terms of mutual understanding and communication, are hindrances to man’s instinctual drive toward having intercourse with a bevy of women. I found the casual dismissal and disparagement of this progress, even for a few laughs, to be in extremely poor taste. The one good thing I have to say is that Rollins, for the most part, managed to use the least vulgar manner possible to communicate his messages.
At a mere sixty-four pages, The Chauvinist’s Guide to Modern Romance is quite short. The writing is simple, and the topics, though somewhat lewd, are easily understood. It is separated into eight distinct chapters which are blessedly brief. There are also two “intermissions” during which suggestive images and charts are presented. Illustrations (often offensive) are also scattered throughout the book. Although the book is marketed for all ages, I cannot support this. Due to the inappropriate nature of much of its contents and several of its illustrations, this is most definitely NOT a book you want anyone under the age of eighteen to see.
I cannot, in good conscience, recommend this book to anyone at all. My best caution is that this book is for mature readers only. However, I would urge any women who are tempted to read it to be extremely open-minded and have very thick skin. It is incredibly inappropriate, even detrimental, for males 17 and under as it contains areas which describe women very disrespectfully and condone violent (often illegal) behaviors toward them. “Test her with bad treatment. If she reacts with deference to you, a parade of whores and a few new holes in the wall may only help your relationship.”
Overall, I give The Chauvinist’s guide to Modern Romance 1 out of 4 stars. I docked one star due to its complete failure as a satire. I deducted the second star because portions of the book exceed acceptable limits of propriety and encourage the mistreatment of women. Because many of the illustrations were insensitive and offensive, the third star was lost. In my opinion, the book had only two saving graces. Those were that I found no grammatical errors whatsoever and that the writing itself was sound. In closing, I leave you with caveat lector. Let the reader beware.
The Chauvinist's Guide to Modern Romance
View: on Bookshelves | on Amazon | on iTunes | on Smashwords