When you read to kids, do you discuss the values?

[Bob Richley]

My oldest child is 2 years old. I read to her every day. I’ve been asking myself what values are these books teaching if anything. I don’t think “Mr. Brown Can Moo” teaches much in the way of values. If a book I read does teach a value, I ask myself, “Do I agree with the value? “

One of my daughter’s current favorite books is “More Spaghetti I Say!” by Rita Golden Gelman and illustrated by Mort Gerber. It is a very silly story of two monkeys. My daughter likes the book mostly because it has pictures of the monkeys. She especially likes the picture of them jumping on the bed. In the story, Freddy, the monkey, comes to play with his friend Minnie, the monkey. Minnie, however, does not wish to play. She is too busy eating her favorite food spaghetti. Even after finishing her spaghetti, she does not want to play because she wants more. She cannot get enough spaghetti. After much pleading, Freddy gets very frustrated and the throws her spaghetti. After that, Minnie feels sick and rests. Freddy takes the spaghetti away but tastes it first. The book ends with him refusing to play now because he’s eating spaghetti. What lesson does this teach? It is a silly book with no real intended meaning, but I think in unintentionally teaches that a food addiction is more important than playing. Minnie does not need the food for survival. She is eating it because she is addicted to it. She can’t get enough of it. She loves it more than her friend. Freddy tries to intervene, which is good, but then finds he loves the spaghetti and refuses to play. I want my kids to learn the value of play and exercise. I run with my daughter while pushing her in her stroller. For a few years I rode my bicycle to work. We walk to the grocery store. We do this because I value being active and I want my kids to value it. I also want my kids to eat healthy. I do not want them to become obese because they eat too much and I certainly don’t want them to develop a food addiction. This book, albeit unintentionally, teaches the opposite values that I want my children to learn. This doesn’t mean that I won’t allow my daughter to read this book. I do want her to read it. It has simple words and will help her learn to read which is the intention of the book.

Another is example is from Dr. Seuss. In his well-known story “The Sneeches,” Dr. Seuss teaches that those who are different from you should be treated the same as those who are the similar to you. This is a wonderful value. It is a value I want my children to learn and practice always. Dr. Seuss presents the value in a wonderful, silly, humorous way. He does it with his trademark silly rhymes and rhythm. In his story there are star belly Sneeches and plain belly Sneeches. The star belly Sneeches think they are superior because their bellies have stars. They are prideful and exclude the plain belly Sneeches from all their activities. Along comes the sly Sylvester McMonkey McBean who takes advantage of the prejudice and extorts money from the gullible Sneeches by first adding stars to those without and then removing stars from those with stars at the first. The adding and removing of stars continues all day until the Sneeches run out of money and can’t remember which Sneech had stars at the first and which did not. Dr. Seuss concludes his masterful tale with the Sneeches learning that Sneeches are Sneeches and it doesn’t matter whether a Sneech has a star or not. Beautiful! It is an obvious lesson for adults. For kids it may be just a silly story, but if adults will engage the kids in a discussion about the book, it would teach a valuable lesson to kids.

Developmentally my children will first make decisions based or reward and punishment. They will initially adopt our family values. However, as they develop, they will internalize some values and reject others. I want them to think about the values they choose. I hope and pray they will choose good values. My goal as a parent is to start this thinking early and also to model it for my children.

When my daughters are older and are able to answer questions, I want to ask questions to get them to think. For example, I would ask them, “Does Minnie want play?” “How does Freddy feel?” “Why doesn’t she play after she has finished her first bowl of spaghetti?” “Is it good that she doesn’t want to play I would also ask questions about the “Sneeches” such as “Why can’t the plain belly Sneeches play ball?” “Is this fair?” “How would you feel if you were not allowed to play?” I know at first I may need to answer the question for them or guide them to an answer. The point is not whether they can answer or not. The point is to model thinking about the book and the values it teaches. My hope is by the time they are teenagers, they will begin to think about all the things that influence their values and character.

[Julie4453]

I think it is so important to instil values in children and what better opportunity is there than when you are reading together?

[Bob Richley]

I think it is so important to instil values in children and what better opportunity is there than when you are reading together?

I agree! Thanks for the reply.

Bob

[LivreAmour217]

Oh yes, reading is an excellent opportunity to instill values in our children. I think it's very good that you are concerned about the messages that your daughter is exposed to via books. I work in education, and trust me, many parents are clueless about the messages that their children receive from books and other media sources. That monkey book sounds kind of scary, and you're spot on about the potentially negative lessons that children could pick up.

Thankfully, I haven't come across any books with questionable values (my son is a picky reader, which in this case is a positive thing), but we've had plenty of discussions about movies, music, and television shows! For the past several years, my husband and I have banned him from watching new programs on Disney Channel and other "children's networks" without us due to the disrespectful, obnoxious, and downright gross behaviors that have become so common in entertainment aimed at boys. At least one parent needs to be watching the pilot episode along with our son, and that helps us determine whether or not he can keep watching the show itself. If we decide that he cannot keep watching the program, we explain why and use specific examples from the show to back up our viewpoints. Thankfully, our son usually understands our point of view and is fine with the decision.

[Bob Richley]

For the past several years, my husband and I have banned him from watching new programs on Disney Channel and other "children's networks" without us due to the disrespectful, obnoxious, and downright gross behaviors that have become so common in entertainment aimed at boys. At least one parent needs to be watching the pilot episode along with our son, and that helps us determine whether or not he can keep watching the show itself. If we decide that he cannot keep watching the program, we explain why and use specific examples from the show to back up our viewpoints. Thankfully, our son usually understands our point of view and is fine with the decision.

That sounds like a good strategy. I may adopt it when my children are older. Right now we don't have access to broadcast TV. My 2 year daughter watches some YouTube nursery rhyme videos and a few shows like Peppa Pig and Caillou. We limit the time she watches.

-- 24 Jul 2016, 11:50 --

Let children read whatever they want and then talk about it with them. If parents and kids can talk together, we won't have as much censorship because we won't have as much fear. Judy Blum

[MrsCatInTheHat]

Sometimes............ it just sort of depends on mood, flow, etc. Sometimes I'll save it for the second reading or afterwards.

[MsMartha]

Reading books to little kids can accomplish a lot--it can help them learn how to read, it can help you teach them values, and it can just entertain them. My grandson, who's 14 months old, has loved his parents reading to him since he was born. But there's something else that can be done. You can learn about the child, based on how they notice and enjoy the story or characters or pictures. It can be amazing to find out what they enjoy, and why.

[lily_kh87]

I guess it's very important to discuss values of the book with the kids, but it's also ok to read a book just for fun every now and then. That story about the spaghetti is so ridiculous by the way.

[Scerakor]

I think it all depends on the kids, where they are in their maturity, and their attention levels. Personally, my 3 year old wants to hear the story and see the pictures for now. He will not stick around for a moral discussion yet. It will come, and I will provide eventually, but it is not the time yet.

[Amagine]

Yes, it is very important to instill the values from the book to children. Parents and children read together not just for bonding and loving interactions but for the educational experience as well. Children can learn so much just from a book so that is why I'm a strong promoter to using fictional children stories to teach children with rather than just all non-fiction work.

[Mailis]

Yes. If a character is acting badly we try to find reasons why that may be so and when something is unacceptable (bullying, hurting others or animals, dangerous or reckless behavior) then I comment on that as well. For my ten year old, I try to avoid books that try to be "hip" and have swearing in them or just show obnoxious behavior as a cool thing.

[SparklesonPages]

Yes I do. “Diary of a Wimpy Kid” comes to mind as one of those books where I had to raise questions about what is hurtful or acceptable. I don’t mind the kids exploring different books and topics but it is my responsibility to ensure that they behavior or speech isn’t emulated. This is entertainment, not how we live.

[ayoomisope]

I don't have kids yet but there is no better time to discuss acceptable and non-acceptable behavior than when facing the different scenarios portrayed in books.

[GabbiV]

I try to encourage critical thinking in kids as much as possible, so values might not come first in our conversation unless the material calls for it.

[kfwilson6]

I don't have any children yet but this is definitely something I plan to do. I want to instill a love of reading and also get them to think about what they can learn from a book. As they get older and can choose for themselves what to read, I want to teach them to realize that just because a character in a book does something, does not make it ok for them to do it. They should be able to distinguish between the fictional fun and adventures and real life. They should know that sometimes it is just a story and not something to model themselves after or strive for.