Could you date someone who doesn't read?

Phillip Ngoua Obame · Post by **Phillip Ngoua Obame** » 27 Apr 2023, 13:04

jsmyla wrote: ↑26 Apr 2023, 10:26
I had an ex that I was friends with for many years, then lived with in an exclusive relationship for years. He wasn’t a reader other than SOME Stephen King (only the ones that piqued his interest) and some general books & religious texts from different religions (he was an atheist and wanted to be informed if he was standing by his opinion).
On the other hand, I had my head in a book literally whenever I wasn’t doing something else: waiting for the microwave for 90s, 10-15 mins on a bus, anytime someone else drove, I never went anywhere without one especially once I had to get a smartphone for work in 2013 and found the Nook app+ my ebook library available anytime so I was the girl walking around staring at her phone reading, not texting or playing candy crush.

Now, we respected each other enough to communicate and worked it out that if he wanted my attention while reading (not an emergency obv or he’d say so) he would would let me know, and I’d ask him to give me a second (to finish the paragraph so I’d remember my stopping point since I remember most things written as pictures), and then we’d talk. That’s because I pointed out that I waited for SOME kind of break in his pro Hockey game and WWE watching because it was just polite. And while neither of us enjoyed the other’s interest, both were big parts of our lives so we supported it and actively listened when the other wanted to talk about it. Our breakup had absolutely nothing to do with having shared interests or not, it was about his severe childhood trauma (he should have been removed by social services) making him believe he couldn’t handle being the breadwinner; I’d always thought it was awesome that he’d never had a problem with me making more money till I became disabled and he unraveled about money. So I can’t say I think shared interests are the key, or even one of them, to a lasting relationship and still be honest

Yep, shared interests can certainly help in a relationship, but they are not the be-all and end-all. It's possible for two people to have vastly different interests and still have a strong and lasting connection. What's more important is respect, communication, and support for each other's passions and pursuits. As you mentioned, you and your ex found a way to accommodate each other's interests and needs, which is a great example of a healthy and mature relationship. Ultimately, it's the deeper emotional connection that matters most in a relationship, and that can be built on many things beyond shared interests.

Post by **jsmyla** » 28 Apr 2023, 18:37

Ikr? I’d never have expected him making more money than me would break us up after 10 years

Opeyemi Mustapha · Post by **Opeyemi Mustapha** » 29 Apr 2023, 12:21

Well, I can
I just have to make him interested in reading eventually

Towfiq Juma · Post by **Towfiq Juma** » 30 Apr 2023, 08:13

I wouldn't mind dating them as long as they'd listen to story telling laugh with me throughout the humourous books and cry with me when the book has a bad ending.

Wanjla Carl · Post by **Wanjla Carl** » 03 May 2023, 16:22

Yeah I would because everybody is different and has their own interests.

Wanjla Carl · Post by **Wanjla Carl** » 03 May 2023, 16:26

Opeyemi Mustapha wrote: ↑29 Apr 2023, 12:21 Well, I can
I just have to make him interested in reading eventually

What if he doesn't change?

Wanjla Carl · Post by **Wanjla Carl** » 03 May 2023, 16:32

LS Daniyal wrote: ↑08 Oct 2022, 17:39 Originally I would say no, but I know someone who can't stand books. You would think he was offended by them. However, he is a kind and gentle soul. He rather watch or listen than read.

Seems fair enough

Wanjla Carl · Post by **Wanjla Carl** » 03 May 2023, 16:33

oceans_running wrote: ↑24 Sep 2007, 22:53 I think I would, if he made me laugh. After all, he can go do boy things while I read.
R.

Mmmh interesting

Post by **Justin Christensen** » 08 May 2023, 12:16

Oh man, absolutely not. I can put up with a lot of things, but books are such a CORE part of who I am. It's such a huge part of me and my life that I would feel I couldn't share with my partner.... someone who hasn't read in the past, that's a different story. Someone who DOES NOT read, doesn't like it, doesn't want to, not interested, that's going to be a hard no from me.

Mailab · Post by **Mailab** » 10 May 2023, 04:00

Yes, that's not problem for me, I think he can learn a lot to me about, all my knowledge and understanding of all book I read.

Adiskidan · Post by **Adiskidan** » 17 May 2023, 11:32

Well I am married to an Austrian man and although his spoken English is good, he cant read it very well. He is a very busy man and just doesnt have time for reading. I sometimes do wish I could discuss books with him as they are such a huge part of my life and I would like him to share in it but unfortunately he just isn't interested.

mark liu · Post by **mark liu** » 23 May 2023, 16:28

Whilst I probably could date them it would be a question of whether I want to date them. Reading brings so many people together so at the very least it would be a shame to not click in that way with a partner.

Daniel Lopez 10 · Post by **Daniel Lopez 10** » 26 May 2023, 16:23

No problem, I mean , this way I can talk about my reading experiences and she maybe will be interested, Besides maybe this person likes films and I can recomend some adaptations, I don't know, the point is that we should have more in common with a person we are starting a relationship than reading books.

maggie986 · Post by **maggie986** » Yesterday, 07:43

well, as one who did - could I? yes.
would I again? ...no.
I found that in the first year or so of dating someone, we would be so busy dating, eating out, meeting and introducing our friends to each other, and doing a bunch of activities we had in common together (i.e., video games, hiking, etc.). Reading however, was not a hobby we had in common. Naturally, I would slide away from my favorite books and go hang out with my new partner. There was a point I tried to take him to a Barnes & Noble to sit down and reach a new book together, but he would start sighing and get fidgety after five minutes of flipping pages.
Keep in mind, I had asked him what his favorite books were when we first began dating, and he said "Rich Dad, Poor Dad" and "Hatchet". During our bookstore date, I quickly realized reading was not his thing and he probably hadn't sat down and read a book in years.
I do think the lack of reading also displays itself in other various extensions of his personality - for example, his lack of patience, and he was very pushy and quick to make decisions without much forethought or afterthought. For me, I would stress every single detail before making a big move to a new city, but he was the opposite. I like to think those character differences also come from a lack of reading, a willingness to sit down and reflect, or critical thinking and wanting to conflict-resolve or discuss.
Ultimately, it did not end well for me. So yeah, probably won't do that again. LOL.

Nancy004 · Post by **Nancy004** » Yesterday, 14:04

I believe it's possible to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't read, as long as they show genuine interest when I talk about a book. They don't have to read the book or know the story, but being an attentive listener to my thoughts and opinions is important. Sharing my thoughts on the books I read is a vital part of who I am, and having a significant other who is interested in what I have to say is similar to someone playing football and their partner cheering them on at every game, even if they don't understand the sport.