FEEDBACK WANTED! X-Mas Poem that I wrote.

Post Number:#1 by **Cnc_theft_auto** » 30 Mar 2011, 16:23

Christmas

I like getting presents,
As I’m a little boy.
When I get one from my mum,
I always jump with joy!

I’ve got to tell Santa
What I want from him this year,
And I better tell him very soon,
As Christmas is quite near.

Because they’re fun to play with,
I want some army men,
I don’t want that many,
So you better give me ten.

I also want some crayons,
Because I like to draw.
I’ve already got a few,
But I just want some more.

I also want a video game,
For the PS3,
But not for my sister, Beth,
Make it just for me.

And please get me a dartboard,
Because they’re really fun,
And a shiny pair of shoes,
Because I like to run.

A slingshot would be good,
Because they’re really cool.
And do you know what else I want?
Of course, a swimming pool.

I want a pet as well,
A bird or dog or cat,
Make it cute & fluffy,
Something I can pat.

Oh, never mind! It’s too much work,
To take care of a pet.
You’ve got to feed it, walk it, bathe it,
And take it to the vet.

I also want a push-bike,
And a matchbox car.
I’d also like a caramel
And chocolate candy bar.

So all of these things,
I’ll ask for from Santa.
All of this talking,
Makes me want a Fanta.

Post Number:#2 by **BookWorm617** » 30 Mar 2011, 18:02

LOL I really like it. It made me smile and sounds just like a little boy!! Great Job!!!

Post Number:#3 by **Cnc_theft_auto** » 31 Mar 2011, 00:42

Thanks for the feedback. Did you like my santa-fanta rhyme? everyone i've said it too haven't liked that last line.

Post Number:#4 by **Fran** » 31 Mar 2011, 04:43

Enjoyed it ... :lol:

Post Number:#5 by **BookWorm617** » 31 Mar 2011, 20:06

Cnc_theft_auto wrote:Thanks for the feedback. Did you like my santa-fanta rhyme? everyone i've said it too haven't liked that last line.

Yes I did. I enjoyed the whole thing actually!

Post Number:#6 by **Cnc_theft_auto** » 28 May 2012, 15:06

Just noticed my awful grammar...

cnc_theft_auto wrote:i've said it too haven't liked that last line

I've said it to hasn't liked that last line.

Post Number:#7 by **louisgeorge** » 16 Jul 2012, 12:54

lol ...your are just awesome

Post Number:#8 by **Cnc_theft_auto** » 16 Jul 2012, 14:03

why thank you there lion man, I try to be as awesome as possible

-- Tue Jul 17, 2012 5:03 am --

why thank you there lion man, I try to be as awesome as possible

Post Number:#9 by **louisgeorge** » 17 Jul 2012, 09:20

no problem Badman ...oh i mean batman

Post Number:**#10** by **AmandaRose** » 17 Jul 2012, 09:52

I couldn't help but smile while I was reading it; i was really funny! The cheesy rhyming was great and very innocent. Although, if I were you I would change the last verse. How about:

So all of these things,
I’ll ask for from Saint Nick
He'll eat some milk and cookies
I hope he wont get sick.

Post Number:**#11** by **bknight47** » 18 Jul 2012, 18:27

Thanks: A great poem you have a solid future in poetry or writing...

Post Number:**#12** by **James Donovan** » 14 Aug 2012, 17:57

Great job! I really Liked it a lot

FEEDBACK WANTED! X-Mas Poem that I wrote.

FEEDBACK WANTED! X-Mas Poem that I wrote.

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