Vampire's Sonnet

Use this forum to post poetry that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links. Only one poem per topic please.
Post Reply
User avatar
karolinka
Posts: 213
Joined: 11 Oct 2016, 15:06
Bookshelf Size: 20
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-karolinka.html
Latest Review: "Loose Threads" by J. O. Quantaman
Reading Device: 1400698987

Vampire's Sonnet

Post by karolinka »

What is darker than you indigo eyes?
Perhaps howling wind on a stormy day
Ravens screeching their sorrows to the skies
Rose buds dying in the midst of May.
Dead seas and lone spaces where spirits dwell
Haunted woods where evil stalks the night
Would surely flee from thy eternal spell
Upon spying your darkest, blackest might
But though I live in the shadow of thy love
And you drink bitter nectar from my vein
My sweet, I wouldn't live enough
Without you I would die in vain.
For as your black soul now resides in me.
I accept and am alive in thee.
"How to be a writer. Step one: Write."
- A. Beauchamp.
Latest Review: "Loose Threads" by J. O. Quantaman
User avatar
DATo
Previous Member of the Month
Posts: 5796
Joined: 31 Dec 2011, 07:54
Bookshelf Size: 0

Post by DATo »

You know, I'm really not into the whole vampire thing that's going on right now with the Twilight series etc., but this poem is truly a nice piece of writing in my opinion. I think what makes it particularly interesting to me is that you took something from the school of "horror" and turned it into a thing of beauty. It's the dichotomy of those two elements which lends a certain feel to the poem which is similar to the device of bitter/sweet. Sometimes discordant notes can blend to make a harmonious sound.

Nice work!

(*Whispering* - 5th word "your" instead of "you" maybe?)
“I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.”
― Steven Wright
User avatar
karolinka
Posts: 213
Joined: 11 Oct 2016, 15:06
Bookshelf Size: 20
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-karolinka.html
Latest Review: "Loose Threads" by J. O. Quantaman
Reading Device: 1400698987

Post by karolinka »

DATo,
thank you for your very kind words. I love Shakespearean sonnets, but do not like the traditional romance they so often portray. So, I made it into a horror sonnet.
"How to be a writer. Step one: Write."
- A. Beauchamp.
Latest Review: "Loose Threads" by J. O. Quantaman
Witty_Read
Posts: 12
Joined: 20 Oct 2016, 20:35
Currently Reading: The New Annotated H.P. Lovecraft
Bookshelf Size: 12
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-witty-read.html

Post by Witty_Read »

I like how you did a word play of good and evil. Like DATo, I am also not a fan of the "Twilight" series vampires, so I am happy to see you kept them classical and traditional in your description; that Finnish style of dark and mysterious "Count Dracula".
User avatar
karolinka
Posts: 213
Joined: 11 Oct 2016, 15:06
Bookshelf Size: 20
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-karolinka.html
Latest Review: "Loose Threads" by J. O. Quantaman
Reading Device: 1400698987

Post by karolinka »

Witty-Read, thank you for your kind words! I like the dark overtones as well.
"How to be a writer. Step one: Write."
- A. Beauchamp.
Latest Review: "Loose Threads" by J. O. Quantaman
User avatar
Ljessup
Posts: 191
Joined: 03 Nov 2016, 08:49
Bookshelf Size: 60
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-ljessup.html
Latest Review: "That Place of Knowledge" by Philip Alan Shalka

Post by Ljessup »

My favorite thing about this poem is how you reveal all these "ugly" and "unpopular" things that people may try to turn blind eyes to. People may try to keep these images, situations, and/or people from their lives and you show that even the darkest of moments, where we deny any positive or uplifting emotion. can be beautiful when a different lens in applied. Not everyone agrees with the way people love other people, places, things, or ideas, but in the end what matters to one doesn't have to matter to all and who are we to condemn what one see's as beauty? Great job! I love it! I love the different interpretations! It's the most exciting part of reading poetry! :D

Latoshia
Latest Review: "That Place of Knowledge" by Philip Alan Shalka
User avatar
versetab
Posts: 21
Joined: 29 Nov 2016, 05:03
Bookshelf Size: 0

Post by versetab »

Love your writing Karolinka :)
Post Reply

Return to “Creative Original Works: Poetry”