Stand Off

Use this forum to post short stories that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links.
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Sean Bracken
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Currently Reading: The World After
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Stand Off

Post by Sean Bracken »

Stand Off
Sean Bracken


The afternoon sun beat down on my shoulders. Blood oozing from the wounds in my shoulder and back seeped down into the sand, I knew that I'd been outsmarted. My opponent faced me without a mark on him. I struggled to understand what had happened. I was bigger, stronger, more agile that the man standing not more than ten feet away from me.


The task should have been simple. The battle should have ended in seconds. With my strength and speed, one direct charge should have forced the man to the ground. With one thrust to the man's torso, I could have finished it.


I had trained my entire life for this. I could have retired in glory. Somehow at the last second, the man had swivelled and dodged my lunge. A red hot pain lanced through my back as I missed my mark. My nostrils flared in anger. Enraged beyond reason my sole purpose now was to destroy this enemy before my own body gave out.


We now faced each other down, both of us sizing up the other. Despite my wounds, I was still a deadly force, not to be taken lightly or for granted. Neither of us was prepared to make the next move. As we stood off against each other we both looked for a weakness or a new point of attack. Seeing no advantage in making the first move the standoff continued.


Even though it was only minutes it seemed like hours. I could feel my lifeblood drain onto the now red sand. It was now or never. Another few minutes and I'd have no hope. In desperation, I made one last valiant charge. Just as before the man twisted out of my reach. This time, he stabbed into my exposed neck and I knew that I was finished. My blood gushed like a fountain from the wound. I snorted in disgust. Outmanoeuvred by a smarter opponent, my strength and speed were not good enough.


As I crashed into the ground I could hear the roars of applause coming from the spectators. Thinking that I was finished my enemy threw his hat to his adoring admirers. And turned his back on me. I struggled to my feet and charged once again. He couldn't hear me through the roar of the crowd. One horn impaled his back and I tossed him to the ground. With my final breath I twisted his limp body and gored his chest with all the rage I could muster. We lay side by side under the blazing sun. The chants of OLE, OLE died away, just as our lives faded. Some call it art. Some call it sport. I call bullfighting WAR.
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DATo
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Post by DATo »

I love a good twist and I didn't see this one coming at all. Even when the very first inkling that this was something more than it appeared began to surface my first inclination was to think that this was a contest between Roman gladiators. I also liked the way you told the story from the bull's perspective which gave even more punch to the twist.

Your stories have always been interesting to read Sean, but there were several aspects to this one which set it on a higher plane than the others. First of all you captured the personified emotions of the bull splendidly - the pride, the frustration, the resignation, and perhaps the most interesting of all - the desire to never give up even when all is lost; and then, there was the aforementioned twist which was rendered perfectly. The pacing of the story was also spot-on. Despite enjoying all of the stories you have submitted to the forum I find a heightened level of sophistication in this piece and it is obvious that your skills are becoming more polished as you continue to write.

Thank you for an enjoyable read!
“I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.”
― Steven Wright
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Sean Bracken
Posts: 57
Joined: 16 Aug 2016, 09:32
Currently Reading: The World After
Bookshelf Size: 15
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-sean-bracken.html

Post by Sean Bracken »

Thank's DATo,

It's hard for me to believe that I only started writing last August. I'm getting enormous pleasure from it. But I'm also putting in a lot of time and effort. Each story takes no more than a couple hours to draft, but up to a week or more of editing and rewriting. Every time I read one of my own stories I spot something that could be improved. I wonder if you share the feeling that there is always room for improvement? The other thing that writing has given me, is many new friends, both in my group and online.
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