Running away by ebeth

Use this forum to post short stories that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links.
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ebeth
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Running away by ebeth

Post by ebeth »

Once she got home the first thing she did was check the entire house for him. I should not have to do this in my own house, she thought to herself. Checking every closet, behind closed doors, every cabinet close to the floor that could possibly fit him. Once she was done, she went into their bedroom, locked the door, and started to pack. As she was packing the anxiety started to sink in, turning into panic mode. I have to do this, I have to, don't give up.

The only thing she took was a backpack so that it was light enough for her to carry and run with if she needed to. She only packed a few of her favorite casual outfits and just wore her most comfortable running shoes. Overtime when the abuse from her husband started, she would start hiding the cash she saved over the last couple of years to hopefully some day get away from him. At first when her husband would come home from a night of drinking only slapping her a couple of times, she didn't think anything of it. Being married to a wonderful husband for 25 years, she would never have imagined him changing into a person like this. Once things at his job of being a cop started to become stressful, that is when things started to change. She noticed him coming home drunk or high on a Friday night after a long work week. Then when things didn't go his way with her all hell would break loose. Well no more, she couldn't take it no more, she had to get out!

It only took her about 15 minutes to get everything organized. She didn't even lock the house on the way out for fear that would give away her trace of leaving him. Before she had planned this she had an escape route that she could run to the train station without having to take the car. That would be too risky. He would easily be able to find her. Once she reached the train station purchasing her ticket from Seattle Washington to Maine she settled down in a chair to wait for her train's arrival. The train to her was the faster way to go rather than the bus. Maine was her place to chose because it was as far away from him as she could get. There were no relatives, absolutely no one they knew. She would change her name once she got their, get a new social security card, and a new look. It would be a life she could start over.

Once she train arrived as she was just going to enter it, someone yelled "Clara!" She turned her head and saw "him!"
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DATo
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Post by DATo »

I like the way you used most of the story to explain Clara's plans and in this way built up the expectations of the reader for a successful outcome only to dash them with one word in the final sentence ... "Clara!". It is sort of the same feeling one gets with Steinbeck's, Of Mice and Men. The reader finds him/herself just as involved with George and Lenny's planning throughout the whole book and then everything goes to hell in an instant.

Very nice. I liked the way you did that.
“I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.”
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ebeth
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Post by ebeth »

Thank you. This is only the 2nd short story that I thought I would write. I have always wanted to write a novel but life gets in the way, so I thought I would try to write couple short stories on here. I appreciate the comment.
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