Lonely People

Use this forum to post short stories that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links.
User avatar
DATo
Previous Member of the Month
Posts: 5771
Joined: 31 Dec 2011, 07:54
Bookshelf Size: 0

Re: Lonely People

Post by DATo »

Thank you @bae_dama and @Jimfoxy, and, as I see you are both new to the website, welcome to the forums! [:- )
“I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.”
― Steven Wright
User avatar
Vermont Reviews
Posts: 1476
Joined: 02 Apr 2016, 09:52
Favorite Book: <a href="http://forums.onlinebookclub.org/shelve ... 4468">Scam Prevention</a>
Currently Reading: A Roadmap To Career Success
Bookshelf Size: 507
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-vermont-reviews.html
Latest Review: "Book Blueprint" by Jacqui Pretty
Reading Device: B00IKPYKWG

Post by Vermont Reviews »

Great story. I always enjoy your stories.

Vermont Reviews
Latest Review: "Book Blueprint" by Jacqui Pretty
User avatar
papershapes
Posts: 3
Joined: 07 Dec 2016, 16:19
Bookshelf Size: 0

Post by papershapes »

What a lovely piece. Executed with true craftsmanship.
ladywithglasses
Posts: 14
Joined: 13 Jan 2017, 17:04
Bookshelf Size: 0
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-ladywithglasses.html

Post by ladywithglasses »

I really liked this story. I enjoyed how Paul had such an upbeat and caring nature. You kept him really genuine to see his girlfriend. His heart shows through! I was wondering if he was going to choose to put the flowers on the grave or give them to his girlfriend. I sort of felt this moral dilemma. Putting the flowers on the grave would be socially correct but who would enjoy them? By another token giving them to his girl would be great since that was their original intention but overall I liked it. I felt that the priest and Paul left on great terms and they will see each other again some day!
User avatar
DATo
Previous Member of the Month
Posts: 5771
Joined: 31 Dec 2011, 07:54
Bookshelf Size: 0

Post by DATo »

ladywithglasses wrote:I really liked this story. I enjoyed how Paul had such an upbeat and caring nature. You kept him really genuine to see his girlfriend. His heart shows through! I was wondering if he was going to choose to put the flowers on the grave or give them to his girlfriend. I sort of felt this moral dilemma. Putting the flowers on the grave would be socially correct but who would enjoy them? By another token giving them to his girl would be great since that was their original intention but overall I liked it. I felt that the priest and Paul left on great terms and they will see each other again some day!
Well, I have it on good authority that Paul and his girlfriend married and Father McKensie gave them Eleanore's headstone as a wedding present. After all, fair is fair.

Just kidding of course. :lol2:

Thank you so much for the kind words ladywithglasses. I am very HaPpY to learn that you enjoyed the story! :D
“I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.”
― Steven Wright
User avatar
Christina O Phillips
Posts: 369
Joined: 06 Feb 2017, 10:20
Currently Reading: Oz
Bookshelf Size: 1326
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-christina-o-phillips.html
Latest Review: Natural Relief for Anxiety and Stress by Gustavo Kinrys, MD
Reading Device: B00JG8GOWU

Post by Christina O Phillips »

You have a way with descriptions so I can picture everything clearly in my head. I like the accents, too. But it does not feel finished. It feels like a piece of a scene or the start to a longer story.
User avatar
DATo
Previous Member of the Month
Posts: 5771
Joined: 31 Dec 2011, 07:54
Bookshelf Size: 0

Post by DATo »

Christina O Phillips wrote:You have a way with descriptions so I can picture everything clearly in my head. I like the accents, too. But it does not feel finished. It feels like a piece of a scene or the start to a longer story.
Did the ending make sense to you? The name on the headstone, I mean?
“I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.”
― Steven Wright
User avatar
Christina O Phillips
Posts: 369
Joined: 06 Feb 2017, 10:20
Currently Reading: Oz
Bookshelf Size: 1326
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-christina-o-phillips.html
Latest Review: Natural Relief for Anxiety and Stress by Gustavo Kinrys, MD
Reading Device: B00JG8GOWU

Post by Christina O Phillips »

I just Googled it. Now it feels different, lol. Sorry, I'm not a Beatles fan.
User avatar
DATo
Previous Member of the Month
Posts: 5771
Joined: 31 Dec 2011, 07:54
Bookshelf Size: 0

Post by DATo »

*LOL* I had a feeling when you said it required more story that you had not been formerly introduced to Miss Rigby.
“I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.”
― Steven Wright
User avatar
Christina O Phillips
Posts: 369
Joined: 06 Feb 2017, 10:20
Currently Reading: Oz
Bookshelf Size: 1326
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-christina-o-phillips.html
Latest Review: Natural Relief for Anxiety and Stress by Gustavo Kinrys, MD
Reading Device: B00JG8GOWU

Post by Christina O Phillips »

Yeah, the story read very differently after my Google search.
User avatar
Amagine
Posts: 5441
Joined: 04 Mar 2017, 19:27
Favorite Author: James Patterson
Bookshelf Size: 721
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-amagine.html
Latest Review: "Salome and Gogo visit Soweto" by Cora Groenewald
Reading Device: B00IKPYKWG
fav_author_id: 3251

Post by Amagine »

I was drawn to this simply by the title and when I read your story, I was drawn in even more. This was wonderfully written. It's a story that can have an emotional impact (in a good way) on its readers. I need to get tips from you in writing short stories! It's a form that I want to learn someday.
"Piglet noticed that even though he had a very small heart, it could hold a rather large amount of gratitude." -A.A Milne

"I am grateful for all the books that sparked my imagination." -Unknown
Latest Review: "Salome and Gogo visit Soweto" by Cora Groenewald
User avatar
DATo
Previous Member of the Month
Posts: 5771
Joined: 31 Dec 2011, 07:54
Bookshelf Size: 0

Post by DATo »

Amagine wrote:I was drawn to this simply by the title and when I read your story, I was drawn in even more. This was wonderfully written. It's a story that can have an emotional impact (in a good way) on its readers. I need to get tips from you in writing short stories! It's a form that I want to learn someday.
Thank you @Amagine. Your kind words have given me a lift. I am always surprised and flattered to learn that anyone likes something I've written. I would probably make a very bad teacher of writing because I do not employ any rules therefore there is no consistency in my writing other than a penchant for including twist endings. The only tip I can give is just to write what you feel that you yourself would like to read. Some people will relate and how nice it is when you find someone like this for you have, in effect, found a kindred spirit.

Once again, thank you so much for your encouraging post.
“I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.”
― Steven Wright
User avatar
Amagine
Posts: 5441
Joined: 04 Mar 2017, 19:27
Favorite Author: James Patterson
Bookshelf Size: 721
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-amagine.html
Latest Review: "Salome and Gogo visit Soweto" by Cora Groenewald
Reading Device: B00IKPYKWG
fav_author_id: 3251

Post by Amagine »

DATo wrote:
Amagine wrote:I was drawn to this simply by the title and when I read your story, I was drawn in even more. This was wonderfully written. It's a story that can have an emotional impact (in a good way) on its readers. I need to get tips from you in writing short stories! It's a form that I want to learn someday.
Thank you @Amagine. Your kind words have given me a lift. I am always surprised and flattered to learn that anyone likes something I've written. I would probably make a very bad teacher of writing because I do not employ any rules therefore there is no consistency in my writing other than a penchant for including twist endings. The only tip I can give is just to write what you feel that you yourself would like to read. Some people will relate and how nice it is when you find someone like this for you have, in effect, found a kindred spirit.

Once again, thank you so much for your encouraging post.
Thank you for the tip! Also, I don't think you would be a bad teacher at all! You could teach aspiring writers that inconsistency can be the key to writing something you'll be proud of. Don't follow a strict formula...write whatever you want!

Thanks for the great advice! :D
"Piglet noticed that even though he had a very small heart, it could hold a rather large amount of gratitude." -A.A Milne

"I am grateful for all the books that sparked my imagination." -Unknown
Latest Review: "Salome and Gogo visit Soweto" by Cora Groenewald
User avatar
Jaime Lync
Posts: 1426
Joined: 15 Mar 2017, 19:33
Currently Reading:
Bookshelf Size: 120
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-jaime-lync.html
Latest Review: You Are A Christian. NOW WHAT? by James Rondinone

Post by Jaime Lync »

I understand why some people asked if this was a part of a bigger ''project'' because there are so many flashbacks and fast-forwards that come to mind that it is almost saddening that this is the entirety of the story... I don't usually paint a picture in my head when reading but this was so vividly portrayed that I felt as if I was in the cemetery with the characters. Awesome!!
SilviaP21
Posts: 115
Joined: 29 Apr 2017, 07:28
Bookshelf Size: 18
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-silviap21.html
Latest Review: "That Place of Knowledge" by Philip Alan Shalka

Post by SilviaP21 »

It is such a nice story. I loved reading it and actually felt kind of sad to get to the end. I was hoping for something more but I guess the way it ended was perfect.
Latest Review: "That Place of Knowledge" by Philip Alan Shalka
Post Reply

Return to “Creative Original Works: Short Stories”