How do you deal with rejection?

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Re: How do you deal with rejection?

Post by ALynnPowers »

zeldas_lullaby wrote:OK, that's a start. While you're still here in US, you should go to Dairy Queen and get an M&M blizzard!! It'll make everything better!! :-)
Too late. Already back in Japan. And I feel another depression spell coming on due to feeling rejected by not just the writing community but also by my own culture. Boo.
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Post by Ursula_Minor »

I stay positive by interpreting rejection letters very generously. I try to see "revise and resubmit" as often as possible (sometimes that is what a letter actually says, and sometimes not), and I celebrate everything that is not an outright rejection. From your initial post, it sounds like you haven't been able to get anything published at all (please correct me if I am wrong, of course). You might try putting out your work to other venues (eg: submitting to blogs, newspapers, that sort of thing) to try and build a foundational record of publication. I have a few short pieces floating around on the web, and I gladly include them on my CV (and in my heart!) to make myself appear more published than I am.
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Post by zeldas_lullaby »

To ALynn: I hope you feel better soon. You're likely exhausted from the travel... I know I would be! I suspect you're conked and need a lot of rest. I've never left the country, and I can't even imagine returning from here to Japan!!

As for being rejected by the writing community, think of all the big-name authors who got rejected multiple times before receiving a "yes!"

To Ursula: I like your upbeat attitude about it! I aspire to be that positive too! :-)
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Post by ALynnPowers »

I'm not a positive person at all. I've never seen anything like revise and resubmit. Just: this will not sell.

And constant reminders that other people who are better than me were even rejected (I'm not J.K. Rowling and I'm never going to be as good as her) just feels like people are telling me to give up because I have no chance. I'm a bit extreme, I know. I don't see gray areas. 4 out of 5 stars to me us the same as 1 out of 5. Either it's all or nothing. And I just feel like a bit fat nothing right now.
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Post by zeldas_lullaby »

Dichotomous thinking. :eusa-think:

I see what you're saying... :eusa-think: I'm sorry. It sounds like you may not have enjoyed your vacation very much due to the poor timing of that rejection.

I'm not as good as Rawling either! OMG! Not even! Most published authors aren't even as good as she is. If that's your goal--to be as good as Rawling--then you're setting unrealistic expectations for yourself! And you know you're doing that, but you don't know how to protect yourself from that thinking, I suspect.

You are a good writer! I am a good writer! JK Rawling is a freakin' prodigy. If you were a painter, would you expect yourself to be as good as Van Gogh? (And if the answer to that is "yes," then don't you see how unrealistic that is?)

Here's what I would say: writing well takes hard work. Effort. You know that. I know that. Sure, in any field you have people who are "naturals." But come on, we're not all born that talented! And you are NOT a big fat nothing!!

You know that part of your mind that's arguing with me now? Tell it to shut up! Otherwise, you'll never see your own worth.
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Post by rachel_bruhn »

I think the key is learning from each rejection. The publishing companies are saying no for a reason. If you keep submitting the same work and expecting a different result, you will be sorely disappointed (not saying that that is necessarily the case for you). I am not familiar with the process or how open the communication is between author and potential publisher, but see what kind of feedback you can get about your work; see if you can find out what that special something is. You could also "self-publish" a sneak peak to your book on amazon or iBooks or something. As another member posted, it can give you an idea of what reader's think of your work and may help you identify what change(s) you need to make before approaching another publisher.

As far as coping with your feelings, I suggest embracing it for a time being. Sometimes it just feels good to cry and let it all out. It's okay to feel "crushed" if your book gets rejected. I am sure to you that book is like your baby and people keep saying your baby isn't good enough. Grieve appropriately and then pick yourself and go at it again. I hope that things work out for you!

-- 01 Oct 2015, 14:55 --
zeldas_lullaby wrote:
If you were a painter, would you expect yourself to be as good as Van Gogh? (And if the answer to that is "yes," then don't you see how unrealistic that is?)
I am pretty sure Van Gogh, like many now-famous artists, struggled to gain any reputation for his work during his time. One of the most famous artists today (Da Vinci or something I think...can't recall at the moment) only sold one painting while he was alive. Could you imagine the rejection they went through? And now, years later, people pay thousands, even millions, for one piece of their work....that NEVER SOLD while they were alive. It's crazy and goes to show that all good things come in time. Don't stop doing what you love just because you're not as successful as you hoped to be. If you are writing books in hopes of making a lot of money, then you are writing for the wrong reason.
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Post by zeldas_lullaby »

Word up to RJ. I'm sorry that I went off the deep end last night. I didn't mean to be so... mean. I was overcome with sentiment. Anyway, ALynn, if my post upset you, then please disregard it.
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Post by moderntimes »

Ten years of rejections?

Sorry, A, but I must ask a few hard questions. Please don't think me pushy or rude, but sometimes a hard question may stimulate the mind to better creativity...

Are you saying that you're getting rejected on the same book? Or is this several different books of varied genres and such which you've written over the years and cannot find a market for?

Yes the market for professional submissions is tight. I searched for 2-3 months to find a publisher for my new private detective novel and amazingly in July I landed a 3-book contract! Now as a reviewer of mystery novels, I've read many. A couple years back I was on the Shamus Award committee (private eye writers of America) and read 58 novels! I've read some amazing stories, most are good, a few laughably bad.

But I did learn my genre, and learned to write within that genre and yet bend the system a bit so that my private eye would be slightly different and therefore grab the publisher's attention. Nevertheless I have labored hard to sell my books and I had nearly exhausted the commercial market and thought seriously about self-publishing as a last resort.

If your endeavors over these some years have been for a single piece of writing, one novel or nonfiction book, then you really need to ask yourself: Is my book really any good?

I'll tell you why I ask that... My newest novel I'd worked on for about a year. I was pretty happy with it and submitted it to a bunch of publishers who accept direct from the author, non-agented. I received ONE actual piece of feedback in the rejection. The editor said, sorry, way too much backstory. It robs the story of any pacing and rhythm. And she kindly pointed out the specific places in the book where those were. I'd start talking about one of my main characters, and then spend a half chapter telling about his education and his lifestyle and so on -- backstory pure and simple -- and the pace of the novel ground to a halt.

After this being pointed out to me, I saw how true it was. So I put the entire 80,000 word novel through a total rewrite! I cut out all the excess backstory, and added two more lively plot sequences, each of several chapters length, introduced a few more interesting side characters, and after some serious reflection, saw how greatly I'd improved the novel. And THIS was the book which got me a 3-book contract with a conventional publisher, the first novel in the series just last week coming out in both paperback and Kindle on Amazon and already finding some early attention and sales.

If for example you've written a fantasy -- you mention the Potter book author -- maybe you've written a juvenile fantasy? I don't know, let's assume you have. You must take yourself in hand and really examine if your book is just a copycat (unintentional of course) of the sort of juvenile fantasies which are now flooding the market. Maybe it tells a good story but there's nothing unique about it. Maybe it needs a rewrite. I don't know.

Tell you what... If your post here is about your trying to place one novel for several years, PM me, I'll give you my email, and you send me the book. I'll take a look at it from a reviewer's eye and see if I can spot some things which might need improvement.

Regardless, it's been suggested that you go the self published route. Many here do. Myself, I'd prefer that I get paid for my writing and earn royalties from a conventional publisher. But maybe self publishing is the right way for you to go? I cannot say.

Some folks get happy if they can see their books on Amazon via the self published route. If that's all you need, to see your book listed, then by all means go that way. Myself, I really really wanted to go the conventional route and finally made the mark. But that's just me -- I've written professionally all my life -- strung for a big newspaper, the AP, wrote articles for magazines and small papers, a few short stories and essays and such, and I'd guess that overall I never made more than maybe $10,000 total. But for me, the direction of money flow was what mattered most, not the amount. If I got paid $50 for an article, maybe 100 bucks, fine. Most I ever made was $1000 for the cover article for a major magazine. But that was rare.

I'd be happy to take a look at your book, honest. And I'll give you my best evaluation and perhaps be able to point out some paths you might choose to amp up your writing. I'm certainly no expert. But I've been reviewing books for years and I know the biz pretty well. PM me if you're interested.

And when you have time, take the Shinkazen down to Kyoto and enjoy the feudal castles on my behalf. I really liked that when I was on Honshu.
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Post by hyrumseries »

At some point there's a switch that--when under too much pressure--finally flips. Rejections become just another thing and the realization dawns that they really don't know what they're missing out on. So they've got a million books a day to read and have to skim through them? I'm willing to bet they've missed out on some real gems--which means less money for them. However there are other avenues for you (some may require more work than others, but it turns out in the end). So, better opportunities for you, less money for them, and they won't realize it until you're a #1 blockbuster and they're crying themselves to sleep.

Also I brought along a 6-pack of beer, just in case.
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Post by moderntimes »

Agreed that the sixpack helps on occasion.

Sometimes, a newbie writer, upon receiving continual rejections, may have to realize that the writing just isn't good enough. This is a very difficult thing to realize for most of us, naturally -- our ego gets in the way.

You're right that there are superb books which get passed over before they were finally accepted and became critically acclaimed, and there are many war stories about that. But the alternative is also possible, that the book needs to be revised and made better.

Such a decision is hard to swallow. I had to do that myself, when attempting to sell my private detective novel first time through. Finally one editor sent me a nicely worded rejection in which she listed some specific problems with my book. I read thru my book again and realized how right she was, and engaged in a complete rewrite. Which made the book a lot better, and which led to the book being sold recently, and also getting me a 3-book contract.

The only way for newbie writers to learn whether their book is good enough is to compare it with successful novels of that same type and genre. And then of course to get feedback from friends. A pal read my most recent novel and found a couple of teeny plot inconsistencies which I then fixed prior to submitting.

And you're right about other avenues, which I'm guessing you mean self publishing. But I'd rather have a decent contracted royalty on 5000 sales than 100% of 50 sales.
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Post by Gravy »

Look up Stephen King's advice :wink:
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Post by James Books »

I can honestly say that I was not rejected by a publisher or an agent. I never submitted my work to an agent and the publisher I submitted to specialized in first time authors. with that said I have experienced rejection in network marketing plans. I am always reminded that when I am rejected, they are not rejecting me but company or plan I accepted. In this case the work or manuscript.

If you are getting rejected that often, ask yourself if the publishers/agents you are submitting to deal with the senre or topic of the book you are submitting? Do they deal with authors of my experience? and lastly, is my submission meeting the publishers requirements for submission?

These tend to be the quickest way to get the rejection letter without the manuscript getting read.
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Post by moderntimes »

Good feedback. It goes without saying that you don't submit to publishers who are not within the genre you're writing.

I write modern American private eye novels which are adult in theme and not kiddie-lit nor are they genteel like the "cozy" mysteries of the Agatha Christie subgenre. And so when I was going thru the publishers to submit, I of course went to their websites and read what sort of fiction they published, and saved myself time & energy querying a firm which only published the "cozy" type mystery or didn't publish mysteries at all.

I ignored the first time author thing, myself. This limited me too much -- there aren't many publishers who ONLY publish first-time authors. So I submitted to all the publishers who accepted non-agented writers of my genre (adult mysteries) -- and when I say "adult" I don't mean porn or ultra-violence. I mean NOT teen stuff or juvenile fiction (YA).

I got plenty of rejections. But I'm used to that as a writer. All writers get rejections, even the famous ones when they start. It's part of the process you undergo when getting picked up by a publisher. Interestingly, just after I was accepted by this one publisher, I got two more acceptances from other firms, which of course I had to decline.

My point... it's perfectly okay to self-publish. But fledgling authors might FIRST try conventional publishers. All it requires is some internet time and patience and the process of going thru the whole list may take a 2-3 months but you learn a lot, how to draft a good query, how to create a synopsis, and of course, how to deal with rejection. And it's kinda nice, to get in the mail and hold your own novel, published for you for free. Believe me, it's a great feeling that some professional firm had enough trust and confidence in your writing to go up front with the costs.

I've been professionally rejected a lot otherwise, when job searching and interviews and so on, in my career (day job) work as engineering consultant and tech writer / manager. And spending many years single, rejection on the romantic front is a fact of life, too.

Ya can't take it too seriously, rejection. Happens to all of us.
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Post by 5ngela »

Just keep trying.
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