The Punctuation Game

[zeldas_lullaby]

You mean the colon, right? the semicolon is ;

Anyway, I think the colon works there. Indeed, it's not before a list, but another use of the colon is to announce something. Check out the following:

Here's what happened at the store: the milk expired in its case.
I figured out why he was late last night: his car broke down.

Does everyone agree with that?

[DennisK]

Ops - yes, please switch my colon and semicolon around.
I was thinking that: it just feels to me like it could proceed a progression - of sorts.

[zeldas_lullaby]

Yeah, yeah, it could do that too.

I need several groceries: milk, break, and cookies.

And it doesn't have to be used in the above examples. You could do this instead:

I figured out why he was late last night--his car broke down.
Or,
I figured out why he was late last night. His car broke down!
Etc.

But you're right. I think the main use of the colon is to come before a list.

[moderntimes]

I see the use of the colon there as slightly off kilter, and a semi would technically be more correct, but as you say, the meaning was clear and would have been clear either way.

For me, semicolons are the spawn of the devil. Of course, this is because I'm writing a series of modern American private detective novels, and in much of the narrative, I use short and "plain" sentences, short paragraphs, a snappy and breezy modern style. So where a semi would correctly be used for separating 2 independent but linked sentences, I'd just use 2 separate sentences.

Were I to have written that segment you quote, I might have written (totally omitting "for one thing" which is a useless and IMO a 19th century style modifier, but if I were to put that in, I might write:

Jean Louise hated flying. The first time she got on a plane she had the holy hell scared out of her. The damn idiot pilot flew straight through a tornado. And there was the cost. Being on a tight budget, she had to borrow a hundred from her neighbor. Then the hassle going through security. But fly she did. Her father's funeral wouldn't wait.

Or similar. Now I do use complex sentences occasionally, because the reader's mind needs variety in structure to make the book's rhythm carry things along, and a constant barrage of terse and brief sentences all using short words gets tiresome. Equally the long and ponderous narratives that lecture you incessantly.

Writers must be consciously aware of inducing rhythms and variety into the structure of a novel. The reader might not consciously detect the variations and changes, but the subconscious does, and either the narrative can seem too rushed or too slow. After considerable study and trial & error, I've learned how to adjust the movement of a passage. Sometimes just a paragraph break can make the difference, inducing that slight pause in the reader's mind. It's very subtle and not easy to achieve. And of course each writer has his/her own "voice" which comes partially from the way the narrative is structured.

Now here's a short example of my actual style, from my newest novel "Blood Vengeance" -- you can see that I use short words and easy structure here. I'm telling about my narrator, a private detective, riding in the car w. Joe Duggan from Homicide. They're on their way to see a brutal and bloody murder scene, and so I deliberately use "easy" words to describe the external scene, common English so as to give the reader a feel that the outside world is rather placid but now is interrupted by this horror. Note the short paragraphs and short sentences, short snappy dialogue. All this was carefully and intentionally crafted to induce a sense of familiarity with the outside scenery, so as to later shock the reader more when we go into the murder scene apartment. I didn't use graphic language or "intense" words, and made the conversation very upbeat and commonplace. This sort of structure of a narrative is not accidental. I rewrote and revised each sentence, each word...

Four blocks after the campus we cut to a shady and once peaceful side street where police cars, the county coroner and CSI vans were parked all over, their indiscriminate hogging of the narrow lane generally blocking further access. A Channel 13 remote was also setting up nearby, making it impossible to find a spot.

Undeterred, Joe carefully squeezed through the maze, waved hello to a uniform cop directing traffic and pulled alongside an HFD ambulance, its roof lights quietly flashing. Our destination was a hundred feet further, a quaint eight-unit apartment building, tidy and well maintained. Joe stuck his HPD placard on the dash, as if a dark blue Crown Vic with three antennas sprouting from the trunk lid and parked square in the middle of the street could be thought anything else.

“Nice little place,” Joe observed. “Mostly grad students, they told me.”

“Yeah. Lived in an apartment just like this when I was at UT.”

Joe frowned. “Your old man was loaded. He didn’t put you up in some smarmy Austin high rise?”

I shook my head. “He covered major expenses, tuition, rent, but I had a strict lifestyle budget and he insisted that I work part time for my support. Four years, I think I flipped ten million burgers at the Nighthawk cafe.”

“Smart thinking, good way to raise a kid,” Joe said, smiled. “So what happened to you?”

“I was corrupted by hanging out with Houston’s Finest. Sad, but that’s show biz.”

Joe ignored that, apparently not considering it worthy of comment. We got out and walked to the police line.

The apartments were one story, a contiguous yellow stucco-fronted building, narrow lawn with evergreen shrubs and microscopic flower beds decorating a walkway that serviced the apartments, all surrounded by a chest-high wrought iron fence delineating the apartments from the sidewalk and street. A small reserved lot along one side of the property, collection of economy imports parked.

Crime tape was stretched along the entryway to the complex, with cops, medics and CSI techies standing all about, talking and smoking and trying to make themselves slightly useful. Or slightly useless, depending on the individual’s dedication to the task.

[DennisK]

Lee Child is one of my favorite writers when I want to relax with something entertaining. He uses what I would think the same style as you, Moderntimes. Here is an excerpt from ONE SHOT: (I instinctively want to use a colon, here.)

In person he looked like he had been a cop since birth. Since the moment of conception, maybe. It was in his pores. In his DNA. He was wearing gray flannel pants and a white short-sleeve shirt. Open neck. No tie. There was a tweed jacket on the back of his chair. His face and his body were a little shapeless, like he had been molded by constant pressures.

I am just a reader – not a writer, but I would expect the use of semicolons or dashes. However this excerpt, to me, reads perfectly well with no confusion.

[zeldas_lullaby]

That's what's weird--there are different ways to punctuate the same passage. I guess it comes down to what ModernTimes is saying--what rhythm do you want?

The period is like a stop sign. The semicolon is like a yield sign. The ellipsis is like a yellow light... slow down for thought. The double-dash is like merger lane that carries your lane into the main one. It's all quite subtle, yet potentially powerful.

[DennisK]

I expect the main purpose of punctuation is to avoid confusion, but also important is its use in establishing a writer's cadence. When I read a semicolon, I make a quick pause without even being aware of its presence. To me, a dash is a longer pause, and a period is a complete stop. If Child was in music, I would call him a rapper.

[zeldas_lullaby]

That makes sense! OH! And that reminds me, too, that in your post #35 in this thread, that's another use for the colon, for when you're about ready to quote someone. Like when I help my dad format his legal briefs.

As the Supreme Court so rightfully said in the landmark case of Twinkles v. Bobo the Clown:

Clown rights are a serious issue. Clowns, as a protected group, should not experience discrimination in the workforce or in other arenas. Clowns may congregate without fear of being... blah blah blah.

Anyway, you get the idea--your colon use in that post was correct!

(I only used the quotes feature because I don't know how else to tab over.)

[DennisK]

Thanks, zeldas_lullaby!

[zeldas_lullaby]

You're welcome! Grammar has never been so much fun.

[moderntimes]

Good comments all. Thanks Dennis for the comparison w. Lee Child. I don't emulate anyone particularly but most action-mystery writers use an abbreviated style. For fun, here's my "old school" cop Joe Duggan from my 1st novel:

Besides looking like Ned Beatty, Joe Duggan also resembles his desk. Unkempt. His sparse brown hair frizzed in every direction. His slacks were wrinkled, his thick forearms jutted from untidy shirtsleeves. A tie, once red and blue, now patterned with an indefinite brown ripple, hung askew. The knot was so low that Joe could pull it over his head at night instead of untying it, which he probably did. The only stylish accessory to Joe’s wardrobe was a composite Shooting Systems shoulder rig and the big Les Baer.45 auto filling it. This was coordinated by his Kevlar vest, which hung across an adjacent chair.

So I decided to depart from this stereotype in novel #3:

I looked at my pal Joe Duggan, a ringer for actor Ned Beatty. He was spiffily dressed, still a surprise to everyone. For years, Joe was awarded by default the imaginary but highly coveted Worst Dressed Houston Cop trophy due to his consistently wrinkled shirts, faded ties, unpressed slacks—your archetypal Dragnet-era TV tough-guy cop attire.

Whether urged upon him by HPD bigwigs after his promotion or a final victory by his wife Margaret (who I thought the true impetus), Joe suddenly appeared at the office one Monday morning in a new suit, stylish but conservative, finely-striped shirt with elegant, perfectly tied neckwear, gleaming loafers and over-the-calf socks sporting little fleurs-de-lis. A sartorial sea change. Joe said nothing about this nor would he brook inquiry. He changed his spots and the evolution seemed a permanent mutation. It took getting used to.

[zeldas_lullaby]

Sounds as though he went shopping! Shopping spree!!

[moderntimes]

Joe's new office is spotless, too. A sea change and everyone is amazed.

I didn't want to sit on old stereotypes and stay with them -- I wanted a change from that old mold, so I invoked some new things in book #3.

[zeldas_lullaby]

Sounds good. Some writers make the mistake of thinking that their characters, to be well-developed, need to be static and unchanging. But in real life (ideally), people change and grow and fluctuate. So I thought that was a good move to have that character do an about-face with his wardrobe and presentation and office.

[DennisK]

I didn't mean to imply that you emulated Child. It is just that you reminded me of him. You have your own style, Moderntimes – a bit more humor which is really nice.