Hilarious Quotes

[melakkari]

Merit: "Are you asking me to be your mistress?”
Ethan: "Yes.”
Merit: "Oh, my God.”
Ethan: "Is that a yes?”
Merit: "No, Ethan, Jesus. Definitely not.”

Some Girls Bite by Chloe Neill

[jacstar23]

this is a great thread, lots of funny stuff here

i'm a big fan of some of the stuff DATo said...

can't think of any to add off the top of my head

[GemmellFan13]

This one was a bad joke from a Billy Conolly video.

She had a face that could turn a funeral up a side street.

Mean I know.

[L_Therese]

You might, in your appearance, be the wife of Lucifer.
-Miss Pross, A Tale of Two Cities (Charles Dickens)

[suzy1124]

" There's a fine line between genius and insanity. i have erased this line "....Oscar Levant

[EnjoiSkyler]

"The Condom is the glass slipper of our generation. You slip one on when you meet a stranger, dance all night, then toss it away...the condom, not the stranger." -Marla Singer- Fight Club Chuck Palahniuk

Skyler

[thsavage2]

If I'm remembering correctly, the first lines of Hitchhiker's Guide are "In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move." That made me laugh out loud. In The Princess Bride, there was one line about Adam (as in Adam and Eve) being a hairdresser, and I remember I was sitting outside and I laughed so loud that someone in the building I was outside of leaned out his window and asked what was so funny. Terry Pratchett also has some similarly hilarious lines.

[LoremasterTappa]

I have two favorites. The second one is sort of wrong.

"Never judge a book by its movie. - J.W. Eagan

"The early bird may get the worm, but it's the second mouse that gets the cheese." - Jeremy Paxman

[alex_]

"I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party." Ron White

[suzy1124]

"I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party." Ron White

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Hilarious!

Woody Allen:'1- I'm not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens "
2-" I don't know the question but sex is definitely the answer "
3- " The difference between sex and love , is that sex relieves tension and love causes it "

[Gingerpower94]

My favorite quote that always gets me to laugh is:

" May all your ups and downs come only in the bedroom" - unknown

[bekahh91]

You say tomato, I say **** you.

[suzy1124]

Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker...Ogden Nash...

[croe0874]

Some favorites by Nora...

“It's hard to resist a bad boy who's a good man.”

“I have no idea why it apparently takes three grown men to cook some hamburgers.
One to cook, one to kibbitz, and one to insult the other two. ”

“I find myself fascinated by a man who admits to enjoying fairy tales and uses the word "impinge"- barely misses a beat while indulging in a brief girl-on-girl fantasy. You're a man of layers, Ford."
Me and Shrek, we're onions.”

[suzy1124]

Joan Rivers...on aging: " Don't talk to me about Valentine's Day!, at my age an affair of the heart is a bypass "

"I knew that I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio "