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- 1.What was the book’s purpose and did it achieve it? (Narrative: 1/4, Poems: 3/4)
One of the main problems with this collection was that its purpose was unclear. The passages seemed to travel in the vague direction of helping women see their own value, but unfortunately, they all read like disjointed diary entries, and the author was never clear about what she set out to do for the reader. The only time that I got a specific sense of what the author was trying to achieve occurred in the middle of the book, in the middle of a section titled “On Life”:
However, the author wrote much of the book as if only she or a close-knit group of friends were the sole audience. For this reason, many of her points left me feeling confused and excluded. I only got a slight glimpse of the author's life, and had to deduce much of it on my own to try and figure out the substance behind what appeared to be very random pieces of advice. Also, without fully being able to understand the author's background, some of her opinions sounded extremely judgmental and harsh, unsubstantiated as they were by a proper story.“And so, I endeavor to help guide and direct you to the one person you have overlooked. I want to introduce you to the one person that can truly fix you. I intend to guide you to yourself!” (pg 44)
This is the only information the reader has to go on--there is no wholesome and honest portrait of the author at the time of her life she is writing about--just that she was apparently perfect, and appeared to think that when a woman was "bad looking, drab, ‘down home’ (whatever that means) without a job, or living on welfare" she should expect men to treat her badly. I felt there was something a little unsavory in this judgment.“Now don’t get me wrong, sister girl, I thought I had it going on; the operative word is thought. I can tell you, I wasn’t some bad-looking, drab, down-home sister without a job and living on welfare. That’s why I couldn’t understand for the life of me why men just didn’t want to treat me right. I mean, here I was, cute, intelligent (somewhat), professional, smart, loving, kindhearted, and generous to a fault.” (Pg 52)
Her views on being a lady seemed to me to be especially discordant in the modern world, as well as a little exclusionary:
I felt this put a lot of emphasis on women 'carrying' themselves in a certain way in order to prevent being harmed. It seems the author believes that if a guy is disrespectful, or treats a woman poorly, it is because she didn't carry herself "like a lady". If the author had included a specific example or elaborated a little about what she meant, this passage may have made more sense and sounded less judgmental."A lady is a lady in every aspect of the word. She speaks, acts, and dresses like a lady at all times. A lady does not feel the need to display her body in an inordinate fashion. She articulates well and can converse with the upper echelons of the world. She walks with dignity and grace, defying anyone to approach her inappropriately or defame her character...A lady is lovely, articulate, decorous, and yielding. She adorns herself with honesty and truthfulness. A lady is kind and compassionate. She gives of herself and never quits until the job is done. A lady is expensive, never cheap. She requires the best and will accept nothing less...A lady’s character is never in question because she carries herself in such a manner that all who knows her respects her.” (pg 24)
The author also presented some ideas that I felt were extremely contradictory to what I thought was supposed to be the message of self-empowerment in the book:
Again, an example would have been helpful here, as well as a little clarity: What does the author consider a lady's "place" to be in the world; and what entails "usurping" the authority of her husband?“A lady knows her place in this world; therefore, she will never usurp the authority of her husband for she knows that it is she that he leans and depends upon.” (pg 24)
There were, however, three moments in the book which allowed me a little glimpse into the author's world, through which I could try to make some sense of what she may have experienced in her life:
Perhaps the author comes from a background in which she sees many young girls flaunting their sexuality before building a profession; and confides that even she, as a younger woman, gave in to the satisfaction of receiving attention from men without professional ambition, even though her own aspirations were to pay more attention to her work. However, I believe that the author could have been more clear about were she came from, because without too much context to go on, insinuating things like accepting a date to McDonalds is beneath her, or that all girls fantasize about walking around half-naked seems a bit odd.“I want to see my little sister as a professional young woman modestly attired in a Versace business suit, walking with your head held high, perhaps a doctor or a lawyer or an entrepreneur. Regardless of what profession, I wish to see an intellectual, articulate young sister with goals and the ability to express yourself in a manner that your ancestors would be proud of. Little sister, I ask you a question. Why it is your fantasy to walk around half-naked, showing all that God gave you, to every man on the planet?” (pg 54)
“I had one man come to me with two paper bags of clothes, one with clean clothes and one with dirty clothes, and I accepted him. Now my dream man was intelligent and had money or a least a good job, working on becoming independently wealthy, with dreams and aspirations, yet I accepted this person with two paper sacks all in the name of love. How do you explain that?” (pg 51)
“But when you don’t have the right thoughts at the right time, you give in and you give him your number or you accept a date to McDonald’s or Burger King, and little do you know, my sister, that momentary lapse in judgment is the beginning of the end.” (pg 56)
The problem of not including the reader into her world created another problem. She started to make generalized statements for everyone that in at least one instance, have been proven completely untrue:
I feel compelled to point out that a lot of research has been done on the subject and it has been discovered that children develop fine so long as the environment they grow up in is stable and happy.“Children, especially little girls, need their daddy. They need to be told at an early age that they are precious, worthwhile, and valuable. They need to know they are worthy of love and deserve to be loved. Without this knowledge, little girls grow up developed on the outside but undeveloped internally. They grow up incomplete and ill-equipped for life.”(pg 38)
Furthermore, the author didn't elaborate on how she was able to overcome her problem of finding self-worth. Instead of offering real insight, the author mentioned several times how she simply "woke up" one day to realize the various truths of her life, which included things like recognizing her own worth and having a positive outlook on life. If the purpose of her work was to be inspirational, I found the presentation of the idea that things must simply 'dawn' on you to be a little unhelpful.
While the gaping holes in the author's narrative passages felt incomplete and confusing, her ability to capture emotions in her poetry was very effective. I felt much more connected to the author’s message and motivational purpose while reading her poems, which carried similar messages of self-worth. Here is an excerpt from one of my favorite poems from the collection, Lady of Virtue (pg 11):
2.Was it interesting? (Writing/Style) (Narrative: 1/4, Poems: 4/4)“I am full of substance for there is nothing I can’t do
I am beautiful for the grace of God shines round about me
If you ask me to paint a house or build a school, my hands are not too fragile that they cannot raise a hammer
I can lay down tile and put on a roof
I am a lady of virtue”
While I found myself rather enjoying the author’s poems, which were evocative and contemporary, I found her narrative tedious and disjointed. I think the author should have just told her story, and the reader derive meaning from it. Instead, she wrote about the things she learned from her life, and not the story behind it. For this reason, the book was replete with random clichéd phrases like “ I choose to see the glass as half-full instead of half-empty.” (pg 46) without really giving the meat: the how, the why, the where, the when.
In fact, I still hardly have an idea on how to paint the author because she barely describes herself. When the reader does get a glimpse of who the author is and what her belief systems are, it is done in a very odd way. Instead of writing “I am a Christian, and here is what I believe” in the introduction section, she starts to use phrases like “we Christians” or “we believers” in the middle of the book—as if to assume that only the people she knows are going to ever read her work.
There were just a few nuggets where the author was able to capture emotion in her prose, and at these times, the book spoke deeply to me:
If the author had expanded in this vein, I think her prose would have made a much more compelling read.“But there was something else there too, something struggling to get out. Something buried so deep, I could barely hear her, but in a small, faint voice she said, “I am still here.” My real self, my real nature, was struggling to show her face. Not the person I had made up over the years to make others happy but the me from my early childhood, the me who had aspirations and dreams, the independent me that loved myself and everything about me, the me that knew I was somebody, the me that told my first boyfriend at the age of thirteen, “Fine, if you don’t want me, I know somebody who does.”(Pg 51)
3. Was it original? (Narrative: 1/4, Poems: 3/4)
While the poems and text were original work, the overall message was a bit clichéd. Despite this, however, I still found some moments in the text which I thought were interesting and represented somewhat new ideas (at least to me):
Mostly, I found that even though her conclusions of self-worth seemed to appear in many places, they were presented in the author's own style. For example, here is a sentiment expressed many times by Ayn Rand; but the author has discovered it for herself and written in her own way:“When fear has been eliminated from your mind, body, and soul, you are now in sync with your spirit and you have found the God within. So what are you searching for, is it the God within or the title of a Christian?” (pg 71)
The same was true for her poems, in that, the message was nothing I hadn’t heard before from countless other books and articles, but it was done in the author’s own style, which made them authentic. The narrative would have been much more original if the author had included more of her on story.“Tell the people in your life that “I will not allow you to affect my peace or my happiness. I choose to be happy, and if that means staying away from you, then so be it!” There is nothing wrong with being selfish! This is your time, your day, and you must seize the moment.” (pg 61)
4.Was it organized (grammar/structure/theme)? (Narrative: 1/4, Poems: 3/4)
The collection followed a very disorganized overall structure, in that while it appeared to have a theme, the author herself seemed a little unaware of the message she wished to convey. Her collection appears to be a presentation of random thoughts somewhat joined together by category, but all really stemming from the moment in her life when she finally decided not to giving too much of herself to a bad relationship. The poems followed similar themes, and the rhythm and style were pretty consistent.
5. Was it well researched? (Narrative: 1/4)
Aside from a few Bible quotes, the author mentioned two other sources in her text. The first was extremely vague:
There was absolutely no reference to which speaker, what seminar, or why she attended it. The second reference was from Stephen Covey’s The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People:“In a seminar once, the speaker made the statement that women are always complaining that they keep finding the same kind of men that treat them the same way. No matter how different the men are in their outward appearance, they seem to attract the same kind of men. The speaker asserted that it is because these women are still the same people. They lack maturity and have not learned from their previous mistakes with men, and therefore, they are attracting the same kind of men, whether politicians, construction workers, or stockbrokers. They are innately the same kind of people in different clothing.” (pg 32)
Covey’s terminology and meaning were not expanded on, and the reference didn’t seem to fit within the text.“How do I use God to complete my purpose in life? It is very simple actually. We have a choice! Stephen Covey, author of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, said it well: responsibility means response-ability; it is the ability to choose my response.” (pg 45)
Due to the personal, diary-like nature of this collection, I wasn’t expecting there to be too many references, but the ones that were used should have been explained within the proper context and presented clearly.
There was also one point where the author used a statistic:
It's one thing to use a baseless statistic in conversation, but I find it a little unprofessional when I see it in print."For 90 percent of all women, men are the center point of every problem, frustration, and crisis of our lives.” (pg 62)
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