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4 out of 4 stars
Review by CataclysmicKnight
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The book begins by listing some of the ways one gives themselves up in a relationship. This includes putting her happiness first to an extreme, giving up your own opinions and preferences for hers and becoming submissive to her wishes. The authors term this a "one-person relationship", and it applies to any relationship that's entirely about only one person. This doesn't apply to those who simply meet in the middle about decisions or give something up here and there for their loved one's happiness, like getting burgers when you really want tacos. This is for those who reluctantly give in the majority of the time, worried that if they don't they'll upset her, let her down and make her leave you.
The authors find that often this is caused by one's childhood. If one has a nurturing relationship with their parents growing up, where they're celebrated and encouraged to be themselves, they're more likely to have a two-person relationship. However, if one of the parents is "the important parent" as the authors say, it can easily lead to a person who ends up in one-person relationships. This "important parent" is much like an "important significant other" - they demand your time, they get angry when you let them down and they refuse to allow you to be yourself. The authors speak from experience on this topic - this book stemmed from their own difficulties in relationships that came from these issues.
Following these first two chapters (giving examples of what a one-person relationship is and how growing up affects a person), the rest of the book explains that the only way to overcome this issue and make things better is for you to find out who you are and become your own person. This may be frightening, sure, as it may "ruin" a relationship, but if your own happiness ruins something then it surely wasn't meant to be in the first place!
I found You'll Do Anything For Her to be an excellent starting point for those who take the submissive role in a one-person relationship. I was that person for the longest time, not because of my parents but simply because I felt that I was being selfish to seek out my own happiness in a relationship. Luckily I learned the error of my ways long ago, and have been in a relationship for 8 years with a wonderful partner of a woman instead of simply going along with what someone else wants, and as such I can certainly say this book sums things up incredibly well. It's an odd thing to think that by being the person who always gives in and always does everything to try to make someone else happy, you can actually be the problem. It leads to explosive fights after months or even years, and resentment is impossible to avoid, even though the other person may not even be knowingly doing anything wrong to you.
The format of the book was also rather interesting. The book is only about 70 pages and does a few unique things - the vast majority of sentences are their own paragraph and "yourself" is always written "your self". At first I was worried both of these things would bug me, but making most sentences their own paragraph ended up giving a lot of the book a list format that made it so much easier to focus on each sentence and absorb it. The use of "your self" also makes it so much clearer that you're giving up your SELF by acting that way in a relationship.
I definitely recommend You'll Do Anything For Her for anyone who is in a one-person relationship, no matter which side of it they're on. For a relationship to truly work it takes two people, and these sisters expertly nailed why it's bad and how to get out of it. Because of how short the book is, it's certainly not all-encompassing, but the casual tone and non-scientific, light wording is easy to read and follow along with. The authors also include a good 20 books at the end to continue research, as well as a few different types of therapy for those who have the need for it and the National Domestic Violence Hotline is immediately after the table of contents. I give the book a solid 4 out of 4 stars and never considered giving it anything less. For those who are into men, there's an identical book You'll Do Anything For Him, and because the book always uses "you" as opposed to gender-specific pronouns for the reader, the books are applicable for people of any sexual orientation.
2 books same content: You'll Do Anything for Him. You'll Do Anything for Her
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Great Review! 😀
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