3 out of 4 stars
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Seatbelt Required by Beth Kellar is a self-help book about dating in middle age. After her twenty-eight-year marriage ends, the author begins dating in her early fifties. She finds the process awkward and becomes interested in learning about other people’s experiences. Dating in today’s world often involves meeting through online dating sites. This modern method brings its own set of pitfalls. One common side effect is that people become pickier when there is an overabundance of potential partners to select from. You might not give someone a chance if you think there are tons of subsequent choices that might be better.
The author shares a few of her own experiences dipping her feet back in the dating world. As part of her research, she also conducted fifty interviews with men and women ages 45-60 in order to determine what people are looking for in a partner and what dating is like for mature singles.
The book is written in an easy to understand, straightforward style. The format is laid out well with chapters on subjects such as safety tips or creating a user profile for a dating site. Many of the tips are the types of things you could figure out on your own. Meeting in a public place, not revealing information about your finances, and the red flag of someone asking for money are well-known pieces of advice.
Based on the introduction, I had expected that the focus would be on dating in middle age. However, much of the information is not age-specific and could apply to dating at any age. I also thought there would be more firsthand accounts of the author’s experiences after divorce. Except for two snippets of the first two men she met after joining a dating site, the book has more of an impersonal feel – for example, get a haircut, places to go on a first date, don’t talk about your ex, etc.
The information is well researched with safety tips from the Match.com website and quotes from relationship experts. However, there is so much information gathered from other sources that the book sometimes seems more like a compilation of advice from experts rather than the author’s own thoughts on the matter. There are several chapters that consist of guidelines which are attributed to a particular expert’s book or website. Also, it would have been more interesting if the personal stories from interviews had been sprinkled throughout the book; instead, these anecdotes are placed in one lump in the final sections. Featuring these realistic and humorous stories along the way would have broken up the stream of advice.
There is an insightful chapter that takes a look at the difficulties adult children have when a parent starts dating and adds a new partner to the family. The author includes a compelling interview with an adult child in this section. Two successive chapters about where to go on dates are fairly redundant. The first of these chapters suggests places to go for a first date beyond the stereotypical meeting for coffee, a drink, or dinner. The next chapter discusses unique things to do on the next date. However, the same suggestions are included in both sections. I did a double-take while reading to make sure I hadn’t read the same chapter twice.
I rate this book 3 out of 4 stars. It’s a quick read and there is a lot of useful advice all in one convenient place. I can’t say I learned anything new, but the organized layout makes it easy to find information about specific topics. Mature readers who are looking for Mr. or Mrs. Right would likely enjoy this guide, particularly if they need help navigating dating websites and want to avoid the dangers of meeting someone new.
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Seatbelt Required
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For people that might like tips when starting over after a long marriage (like the author), it's probably helpful although most of the advice seemed like common sense and not something you would need to read the book to know.
